Joel Shepherd - Sasha

Sasha snapped and abruptly strode forward with a hand moving to her shoulder. Kessligh grabbed her arm, but she smacked it away with her other hand, spinning clear to draw her blade as weapons rang clear in the night air all around. Before any could move to strike, Sasha drew back her arm and hurled the sword point-first into the turf before Master Farys's feet. All froze, staring at the quivering blade.

"This dawn, Master Farys," Sasha said icily, "I challenge you to defend your honour."

For a long moment, there was only the shuddering whistle of the wind and the flapping of banners. Then Farys laughed, high and slightly hysterical. "You challenge me to a duel?" Disbelievingly. "I cannot fight a woman!"

"Then you are a coward!" Sasha snarled.

Farys turned pure white, his newly drawn blade trembling within his hands. "I should strike you down where you stand, whore!"

"With your guards and friends to back your flanks?" Sasha said contemp tuously. "Need you so much assistance to defeat a single girl?" Farys's mouth worked open and closed in soundless fury. "No answer? Will you not accept? Snivelling, whining, bed-wetting coward?"

Farys's clenched teeth parted and he let out a great, shuddering roar… yet did not advance. Sasha knew, from the darting eyes of the Hadryn before her, that Kessligh was close at her back, blade at the ready. That alone would make even the bravest, angriest, drunkest warrior think twice.

"I accept!" Farys bit out, hoarse with effort. "Tomorrow at dawn, the lies and myths of the Goeren-yai princess die!"

The silver-haired man at Farys's shoulder placed a hand upon the younger man's arm, lowering his weapon with a final look of cold satisfaction. Farys's trembling hand lowered and he thrust past his companions toward the campfire. All about, there came the sound of sliding steel as blades retreated into sheaths, the line of Hadryn nobility fading back, their departing expressions both angry and smug.

"Sasha?" Damon said cautiously, stepping forward to stand at her side as she retrieved her sword from the turf, and wiped dirt from the end. "Sasha, what did you just do?"

"I defended Krystoff's honour," Sasha said shortly. Her heart was beating hard, but not with the fevered thumping of fear or excitement. This was colder, more calculating. Damon just stared at her, greatly pained. And it occurred to Sasha then, with only a mild surprise, that he feared for her life.

"Sasha, that was Farys Varan, son of Udys Varan! He's… he's known by all to be one of Hadryn's finest swordsmen…"

"Forget it," Kessligh said grimly, taking a place at Sasha's side, eyeing the retreating Hadryn with calculation. "Farys's a corpse. It's what happens after he's dead that worries me."

Sasha could hear the hard displeasure in his voice. She didn't care. When the fury caught her like this, she rarely did.

Camp that night was an abandoned barn on the valley floor. Sasha sat on a hay bale, her back to one corner of the barn's outer wall, where it would shelter her from the wind. On the grass nearby, there were many sheep huddled-Sasha knew only because of the occasional, restless bleating, their woolly shapes mostly invisible in the darkness. She gazed at the stars for a long, long time, thinking of many things, yet of nothing in particular. Sleep seemed far away.

A dark shadow approached soundlessly to her left, from over by the barn's mouth. There was just enough light for her to make out Kessligh's familiar outline, even wrapped in heavy cloak and blanket. He settled onto the hay bale at her side without a word. For a while they sat together, uman and uma, and gazed at the stars.

"It's past time for my watch," Kessligh said then.

"I won't sleep," Sasha replied. "I might as well take another watch if I'm to stay awake."

"The surest way not to sleep is not to try," Kessligh remarked. "Meditate. I slept well enough during the war in full knowledge that I would fight the next day. You should manage."

"Probably." Somehow, she just couldn't manage the energy for one of their customary arguments of technique and method.

"Sasha," Kessligh said then, with the note of a man about to begin something…

"I don't know what else I could have done," Sasha cut him off, tiredly. "There are lines to be drawn. In this land, respect is everything, and to tolerate such disrespect is to invite our enemies to attack us. Master Farys crossed the line. The north cannot be allowed to think their Lenay enemies will not fight back, otherwise they will continue to push and push, and soon every group in the land that does not agree with their bigoted ways will find themselves under attack."

"I agree," said Kessligh. Sasha turned her head against the wooden barn wall and gazed at the dark outline of his face. "I blame myself, in part. But the way of the uman is not the way of a parent. I cannot dictate your path to you, I can only help you to find your own.

"And I have seen this coming for a long time. I've warned you, haven't I?" Glancing across at her, a faint motion in the dark. "I warned you of consequences should you continue your attraction to the Goeren-yai so openly. I told you the offence it would cause, here in the north in particular. But perhaps, like so many things, it was meant to be."

Sasha frowned. "That doesn't sound like serrin philosophy. That sounds fatalistic."

Kessligh shrugged. "I am human, after all. But then it is serrin philosophy, too. Life is a battle, Sasha. All existence is in conflict. We fight the elements, we fight our consciences, we fight the limitations and eventual mortality of our bodies. All things happen by conflict, of one sort or another. The serrin have long recognised this fact. Once, long ago, they fought amongst themselves as we did. But then, having accepted the inescapable reality of conflict, they set themselves toward finding ways of living with it and negating its worst consequences."

He sighed, softly, and resettled his shoulders against the hard barn wall, seeking better posture. "It was always going to be trouble, Sasha. Choosing you for my uma." Sasha's eyes strained to make out his expression. "I knew it then, and I know it now. But I could make no other choice. I knew the choice would cause conflict, but sometimes, a forest fire brings new life, and from bloodshed can spring renewal. Such matters are not always ours to decide."

"Renewal," Sasha murmured. "That's a Goeren-yai philosophy."

"Warlike cultures always believe in renewal," Kessligh replied. "They have to." And then, before she could respond… "Sasha, I'm not happy that you chose a fight. I sympathise with your reasons, but you are far too important to be risking yourself in such a way. Important to your role as uma, and important to me personally.

"However, what's done is done. And I know you, Sasha. You cannot sleep because you feel compassion. Even for a thug like Farys Varan, you feel compassion because you know your skills utterly outclass his. I know because I've faced the same. When your opponent has so little chance, it feels like murder, and then you must face your conscience."

He reached from beneath his blanket and clasped her shoulder with one firm, sword-hardened hand. "Feel no pity for him, Sasha. Only you can cause your defeat tomorrow morning. As skilled as you are, any hesitation, any indecision against a man of his talents will surely cost your life. As long as you remain hathaal, he cannot touch you. But hathaal requires total concentration and technical perfection. In that way, he actually has more leeway for error than you. He fights with strength and strength is always strong, even when imperfectly applied. For svaalverd, strength comes from the application itself. Should the application fail, you shall lose not only technique, but strength as well."

"I know," Sasha murmured. "I know that. The edge is fine, even against my opponents in the Baerlyn training hall. At my best, even the best of them is no chance against me. When I fight distracted, or without full concentration, I come home black and blue. But…" and she took a deep, shuddering lungful of cold air, "… you know my moods. I cannot sustain one emotion for any long period. And now, as much as I hated Farys at the time, and still hate him now… it is difficult to sustain. That's all."