David Zindell: Lord of Lies

Here he turned toward me, and his large eyes filled with a soft, silver radiance. 'And you, Val — what have you found in the Lightstone?'

'More than I ever dreamed,' I said. 'But less than I hoped.'

Maram had said that love is the secret of the universe. But why did the One, in love, give us life only to take it away in the bitterness of death?

'I have looked for the secret of life.' I admitted.

'And what have you found?'

'That it's a mystery no man will ever solve.'

'Nothing else?'

I stood up and walked over to look out the window. Above Stlvassu — above all the world — Telshar's white diamond peak was gleaming in the light of the late sun.

'There have been moments,' I said at last, 'Once or twice, while I stood looking at the Lightstone, meditating — these bright moments. When the gold of the cup turns clear as diamond. And inside it, there is … everything. All the stars in the universe. I can't tell you how bright is their light. It fell upon me like the stroke of a shining sword that brought joy instead of death. I was alive as I've never been alive before, and every particle of my being seemed to blaze like the sun. And then, for a moment, the light, myself — there was no difference. It was all as one.'

As Maram pulled at his beard, Master Juwain listened quietly and watted for me to say more Then he spoke with a strange gravity. 'You should mark well the miracle of these moments. We all should.'

'Why, sir? Others have experienced similar things. I'm no different to anyone else.'

'Aren't you?'

He stepped closer to me and studied the scar cut into my forehead. It was shaped like a lightning bolt, the result of a wound to my flesh during the violence of my birth.

'It was you,' he said, 'who found the Lightstone in the darkness of Argattha when it was invisible to everyone else. As it had remained invisible for all of an age.'

'Please, sir — we shouldn't speak of this again.'

'No, I'm afraid we must speak of it, before it's too late. You see, Master Sebastian-'

'He's a great astrologer,' I admitted. I hated interrupting Master Juwain, or anyone, but I had gone too far to stop. 'His knowledge is very great, but a man's fate can't be set by the stars.'

'No, perhaps not set, as a chisel's mark in stone,' Master Juwain said. 'It is more like a jeweled tapestry. All that is, or ever will be, is part of it. And each golden thread, each diamond woven into it, reflects the light of all the others. There is only one pattern, one master pattern, as I've said a hundred times. As above, so below. The stars, from where we came, mark the place we will return to. And mark it in patterns within the one pattern resonant with the patterns of our lives. Your life, Val, has already been marked out from all others. Everyone has seen this, in who you are, in what you've done. But Master Sebastian has seen it in the stars.'

He motioned for Maram and me to follow him across the room to where a large desk stood facing the wall. Many old books were heaped on top of it. One was a genealogy of the noble Valari families; another was entitled, simply: The Lesser Gelstei. The largest book was Master Juwain's prized copy of the Saganom Elu, bound in ancient leather. He had placed it, and other books, so that they weighted down the corners of a scroll of parchment. Inked onto its yellow-white surface was a great wheel of a circle, divided by lines like slices of a pie. Other lines formed squares within the circle, and there was a single, equal-sided triangle, too. Around the circle's edge were written various arcane symbols which I took to represent other worlds or the greatest of the heavens' constellations.

'Before I left for Nar,' Master Juwain said to me, 'I asked Master Sebastian to work up this horoscope from the reported hour of your birth.' Here he stabbed his finger at a cluster of symbols at the top of the circle. 'Do you see how your sun is at the midheaven in the constel lation of the Archer? This is the sign of a soul that streaks out like an arrow of light to touch stars. At the midheaven also is Aos, and this is an indication of a great spiritual teacher. And there also, Niran, which portends a spiritual Master or great king. Their conjunction is striking and very strong.'

As the afternoon deepened toward evening, and Maram bent over the desk with me, breaking in my ear, Master Juwain went on to point out other features of my horoscope: the grand trine formed by Elad, Tyra and my moon; my moon, itself, in the Crab Constellation, indicating deep and powerful passions for life that I kept hidden inside to protect myself and avoid hurting others; my Siraj in the castle of service in the sign of the Ram, which marked me out as a man who blazed new paths for others to follow. Directly across the circle from it was to be found my Shahar, planet of vision and transcendence. Its opposition with Siraj, according to Master Juwain, told of the great war that I waged inside myself — and with the world.

'We see here the paradox of your life, Val. That you, who love others so deeply, have been forced to slay so many.'

The sword I wore at my side suddenly felt unbearably heavy. The silustria of its blade was so hard and smooth that blood would not cling to it or stain it. I wished the same were true of my soul.

'And this conflict runs even deeper,' Master Juwain continued. 'It would be as if your soul is pulled in two directions, between the glories of the earth and the still light at the center of all things. In a sense, between life and death.'

As Master juwain paused to take a deep breath, I felt my heart beating hard and painfully inside me. And then he said, 'For one born beneath stars such as yours, it is necessary to die in order to be reborn — as the Silver Swan emerges with wings of light from the flames of its own funeral pyre. Such a one is rare, indeed. A master astrologer, and many men, might call him the Shining One.'

Sweat was now running down my sides in hot streams beneath my armor. I could scarcely breathe, so I pushed back from the desk and moved over to the window for some fresh air. I fairly drank in the wind pouring down from the mountains. Then I turned to Master Juwain and said, 'What did you mean he might be called the Shining One?'

'You see, your horoscope is certainly that of a great man, and almost that of a Maitreya.'

'Almost? Then — '

Before I could say more, the faint fall of footsteps sounded in the hall outside the door, punctuated by the sound of wood striking stone Master Juwain, who had a mind like the gears of a clock, smiled as if satisfied by the result of some secret calculation.

'You see,' he said by way of explanation, 'I've asked for help in deciding this matter.'

There came a soft rapping at the door. Master Juwain crossed the room and opened it. Then he invited inside a small, old woman who stepped carefully as she tapped a wooden cane ahead of her.

'Nona!' I cried out. It was my grandmother, Ayasha Elahad. I rushed across the room to embrace her frail body. Then I placed her arm around mine, and led her over to one of the chairs at the tea table. 'Where is Chaya? You shouldn't go walking about by yourself.'

I spoke the name of the maidservant who had volunteered to help my grandmother negotiate the castle's numerous corridors and treach erous stone stairs. For during the half year of my journey, my grand mother had lost her sight almost overnight: now the white frost of cataracts iced over both her eyes. But strangely although the cataracts kept out the light of the world, they could not quite keep within a deeper and sweeter light. Her essential goodness set my heart to hurting with the sweetest of pains, as it always did. I had often thought of her as the source of love in my family — as the sun is the source of life on earth.