Jeff Inlo - Chain of Bargains

Prepared-even hoping-to find some alteration that might explain Heteera's new condition, Enin was not disappointed. Still, the image before him both worried and horrified him. Whereas Heteera's conscious thought and basic awareness used to be represented by a vast wasteland, the flatlands of her mind had shrunk considerably in size.

Enin stood on ground that barely exceeded the space of Heteera's physical bedroom. The ring of mountains that used to stand far in the distance were almost within arms length in every direction. The mound that represented the barrier had grown substantially. It remained an almost nondescript sight-just a simple mass that stretched out into the distant horizon of Heteera's awareness-but its depth overwhelmed the sorceress' mind.

"Heteera?" Enin whispered, but he knew she wouldn't hear him. There was barely enough space remaining in her consciousness to keep her alive.

He stepped quickly up to the barrier. With great care, he examined the wall. It appeared sound. He found no cracks, no signs of deterioration. He would not try to probe deep within the barrier out of fear that the magic might flow toward him and shatter the wall. Still, he could sense the great flow as if it were a mighty waterfall encased in rock. The barrier had neared its limit, and in understanding the ramifications, Enin knew he had no choice but to reach Heteera.

He feared the attempt might be disastrous, but there was no alternative. He willed himself up over the top of the barrier with as much speed as he could muster. He became a flash of light, a burst of focused will.

The wall responded in kind. Initially, its rounded peak billowed upward, but the inherent protective nature of the spell to block intruders could not match the furious effort of the great wizard. As if realizing failure was inevitable, the mound quickly returned to its previous size and refocused on its primary purpose to contain the magic. It was forced to let Enin pass.

As the wizard crossed the barrier, he found yet another astounding change. The depths of Heteera's mind which were once a twisted maze of turmoil, had turned into a hollow cavern with but one light at the center. The chaotic strands of the sorceress' thoughts, personality and identity had come together into one bright mass-like the flame of a large torch burning in an otherwise empty room.

While others might take delight in the apparent new order of Heteera's mind, the powerful wizard knew all too well the desolation of a lost soul surrounded by an abyss of emptiness. Enin shuddered at the icy wind of despair that cut through the enveloping darkness. Heteera might have escaped madness, but she did so by forging a path into utter hopelessness. When the choice is set between madness and despair with no other alternative, there is no victory.

With all of the sorceress' conscious and unconscious thoughts bound together in a heap of anguish, there was no maze for Enin to conquer. The labyrinth had become a chasm and all he could do was sink to its center. Upon closing in on the single light of Heteera's focus, Enin reached out with sincere compassion.

"Heteera? Can you hear me?"

"Yes."

There was no joy of recognition in her tone, nor was there anger or disgust. She spoke with the hollow voice of a crushed soul-no pain, no desperate plea for help-just an acceptance of the nothingness that surrounded her.

"Can I speak to you?" the wizard asked gently.

He didn't wish to force himself upon her. He needed her to accept his presence, to willingly engage in a connection of hope.

Heteera allowed an exchange, but she had abandoned hope.

"If you like," she responded in a half-hearted whisper.

Enin began with total, if not abrupt, honesty.

"I wish I could say I was happy. In a way, what you've done is impressive. You've coalesced your thoughts, you've brought a sense of order back to your essence. I tried to accomplish that on several occasions."

"Did you? I don't remember."

"No, I doubt you would. Your mind was a tortured wreck."

Enin recalled the chaos that had once been Heteera's essence. He looked about at the enveloping haze of inky nothingness. She had sunk from one extreme to another. Still, he tried to find some spark of optimism in the gloom.

"Perhaps I'm not happy with what I see now, but maybe it is a large step forward. You have brought back your identity, your personality. We can communicate."

"I think maybe I do remember you being here before," Heteera admitted with no true pride in any spark of recollection. "I tried to communicate with you. I'm not sure, but I don't think you listened."

"I was trying to help you and your fears pressed me away. I didn't want to give up on you. I'm sorry to see that you're giving up now."

"Giving up, giving in… it's all the same. It's better this way."

"I don't agree."

"Oh well."

They were simple words- Oh well — but they placed Heteera's entire state of being into context for the wizard. Enin perceived more than despair in these words. He found something deeper. It wasn't about giving up or giving in. He pinpointed the truth as he stood before the withdrawn entirety of Heteera's essence surrounded by obscurity. Without even the smallest hint of lingering uncertainty, Enin came to see the overwhelming attitude that had brought the sorceress' mind back together.

An understanding of Heteera's plight became so clear in Enin's mind, he read it as if she painted her thoughts on canvas. She had taken hold of a concept with such intensity that it enabled her to return from the depths of insanity. Somehow she gained strength from the belief that life was nothing more than a twisted path of pointless responses to circumstances far beyond her control.

She no longer attempted to make sense of life, no longer wished to find meaning in her existence. Instead, she pulled all of her thoughts, hopes, and dreams together into a tight bunch and cloaked them all in oblivion.

What made it even more troubling was that the vast magic within her allowed Heteera to see beyond the curtains of physical existence. She didn't reject the truth of spiritual reality and a place of hope beyond her current existence. The problem for the sorceress was she refused to separate the two. She focused entirely on what she saw as the futility of life in a world caught within the struggle. She saw a continuation of insignificance and a circle of existence that lacked hope or even optimism.

She viewed herself not as a puppet being directed by some unseen hand, but as a small cork bobbing atop a boiling sea during a wild tempest. Despite all of her desire to escape any tragedy, her most brazen actions fell on the deaf ears of irrelevance. She was not a pawn, and she was not a bystander. She was a helpless victim and there was no hope for escape… in life or in death. There was only futility, and so, she withdrew into herself.

"Giving up is one thing," the wizard offered, "but throwing yourself into the void when you can see beyond this life is something else. I must admit it confuses me."

"That's because you're not me."

"Are we that different?"

Heteera simply pointed out what she saw as the truth, the absolute difference that validated her beliefs.

"We both have power-the amount is immaterial-but you were given the ability to control it. I was not."

"I could help you control it."

"Did you need someone to help you?"

"No, but we don't all have to be the same."

Heteera did not wish to argue the value of individuality. She saw it as a much simpler issue.

"It's not right. I have all this power inside of me and no way to control it. It's beyond not being right. It's insane. I'm dangerous just existing. "

"I know things don't always make sense…"

Heteera would not let him continue.