Terry Goodkind - Wizard's First Rule

“Kahlan, do you have someone?” He feared the arrow to his heart, but had to ask. “Someone at home who waits for you, I mean? A love?”

He held the gaze of her green eyes for a long time. She didn’t look away, but her eyes filled with tears. More than anything he wanted to put his arms around her and kiss her.

She reached up, letting the backs of her fingers brush his face gently. She cleared her throat. “It is not that simple, Richard.”

“Yes it is. Either you do or you don’t.”

“I have obligations.”

For a time it seemed she was going to tell him something, tell him her secret.

She looked so beautiful in the moonlight, but it wasn’t only the way she looked, it was what was inside her, everything from her intelligence and courage to her wit, and the special smile she gave only to him. He would slay a dragon, if there were such a thing, just to see that smile. He knew he would never want anyone else for as long as he lived. He would rather spend the rest of his life alone than with someone else. There could be no one else.

He desperately wanted to hug her close. He ached to taste her soft lips. But he was inexplicably getting the same feeling he had had before he crossed the bridge. It was a strong feeling of warning, stronger than his desire to kiss her. Something told him that if he did, it would be crossing one bridge too many. He remembered how the magic flared when she had touched his hand as he held the sword. He had been right about the bridge, so he didn’t put his arms around her.

She broke the gaze with a glance to the ground. “Chase said the next two days are going to be rough. I guess I had better get some sleep.”

He knew that whatever was going on in her head, he had no say in it. He couldn’t force her. It was something she had to handle herself.

“You have an obligation to me too,” he said. She looked back to him with a questioning frown, and he smiled. “You have promised to be my guide. I intend to hold you to that promise.”

She smiled and could only nod, too close to tears to speak. She kissed the end of her finger and pressed it against his cheek, then slipped back into the night.

Richard sat in the dark, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat. Long after she was gone he could still feel the place on his cheek where she had put her finger, her kiss.

The night was so still that Richard felt as if he were the only one awake in the whole world. Stars flickered, looking like Zedd’s magic dust frozen in place as the moon stared silently down at him. Not even the wolves sang tonight. Loneliness threatened to crush him.

He found himself wishing something would attack just so he would have something else to think about. He pulled out his sword, and for something to do, polished its already gleaming blade with the corner of his cloak. It was his sword to use as he saw fit—that’s what Zedd had told him. Whether Kahlan liked it or not, he was going to use it to protect her. She was hunted. Anything that tried to touch her was going to have to come through his sword first.

The thought of her hunters, the quads, and Darken Rahl made his anger heat. He wanted them to come now so he could put an end to the threat. He hungered for them. His heart pounded. His jaws clenched.

He realized suddenly that it was the sword’s anger awakening his. The sword was free from its scabbard and the mere thought of something threatening Kahlan was making its anger, and his anger come forth. He was startled at how it had seeped into him, so quiet, so unseen, so seductive. Simply perception, the wizard had said. What was the sword’s magic perceiving in him?

Richard slid the sword back into its scabbard, put back the anger, feeling the gloom seep through him once again as he resumed his scan of the countryside and sky. He stood and walked around to relieve the cramps in his legs, then sat once more against the rock, inconsolable.

An hour before his watch was due to end, he heard quiet footsteps he recognized. It was Zedd, a piece of cheese in each hand, with no cloak, wearing only his simple robes.

“What are you doing up? It’s not time for your watch yet.”

“I thought you might like the company of a friend. Here, I brought you a piece of cheese.”

“No, thanks. About the cheese, I mean. I could use the friend part, though.”

Zedd sat down next to him, folded his bony knees up to his chest, and pulled the robes down over them, making himself the center of a little tent. “What’s the problem?”

Richard shrugged. “Kahlan, I guess.” Zedd didn’t say anything. Richard looked over. “She’s the first thing in my mind when I wake and the last thing in my mind before I sleep. I’ve never felt like this before, Zedd, never felt this alone before.”

“I see.” Zedd laid the cheese on a rock.

“I know she likes me, but I get the feeling she’s keeping me at arm’s length. When we were setting up camp tonight, I told her that if it had been her, like Chase today, I would have come after her. A while ago she came out here to see me. She said she didn’t want me coming after her, but she meant more than that. She meant she didn’t want me coming after her, period.”

“Good girl,” Zedd said under his breath.

“What?”

“I said she’s a good girl. We all like her. But Richard, she is other things, too. She has responsibilities.”

Richard frowned at the old man. “And what are those other things?”

Zedd leaned back a little. “It’s not for me to say. She is the one to answer that. I would have thought she would have done so by now.” The old man put his arm around Richard’s big shoulders. “If it makes you feel any better, the only reason she hasn’t is because she cares for you more than she should. She is afraid of losing your friendship.”

“You know about her secrets, and Chase knows—I can see it in his eyes. Everyone knows but me. She tried to tell me tonight, but she couldn’t. She shouldn’t worry about losing my friendship. That won’t happen.”

“Richard, she is a wonderful person, but she is not the one for you. She can’t be that.”

“Why?”

Zedd plucked something off his sleeve as he spoke, avoiding Richard’s eyes. “I gave my word I would allow her to be the one to tell you. You will just have to trust me—she cannot be what you want. Find another girl. The land is awash with them. Why, half of all the people are girls—there are plenty to pick from. Pick another.”

Richard drew his knees up, folding his arms across them, looking away. “All right.” Zedd looked up in surprise, then smiled and patted his young friend’s back.

“All right on one condition,” Richard added as he scanned the boundary woods. “You answer one question, honestly, toasted toads honest. If you can answer yes, then I will do as you ask.”

“One? Only one question?” Zedd asked cautiously, putting a bony finger to his thin bottom lip.

“One question.”

Zedd thought about it a minute. “Very well. One question.”

Richard turned his fierce eyes to the old man. “Before you married your wife, if someone—tell you what, let’s make it even easier for you to say yes—if someone you trusted, a friend, someone you loved like a father, if that person had come to you, and said pick another, would you have done so?”

Zedd looked away from Richard’s eyes and took a deep breath. “Bags. You would think by now I would have learned not to let a Seeker ask me a question.” He picked up the cheese and took a bite.

“I thought as much.”

Zedd threw the cheese away into the darkness. “That doesn’t change the facts, Richard! It will not work between you two. I’m not saying this to hurt you. I love you like a son. If I could change the way the world works, I would. I wish it were not so, for your sake, but there is no way for it to work. Kahlan knows it, and if you try, you will only hurt her. I know you don’t want that.”