Sara Larson - Defy

Hector had been a terrible, evil man, but he’d also been his father — Damian’s last surviving parent.

We were both orphans now.

Slowly, Damian made his way back to the front of the step, his shoulders slightly stooped. The crowd was completely silent, having watched the whole thing in horrified shock. Prince Damian looked out over the mass of people for a moment. Then he clenched his jaw and raised his sword.

“My father’s tyranny is at an end!” he yelled.

General Tinso bowed to him, and then shouted, “Hail, Damian, king of Antion! Long live the king!”

The crowd took up the cry, repeating, “Hail, Damian, king of Antion! Long live the king!” over and over, until Damian bowed low at the waist to them.

Then he turned and I could see the tears in his eyes when he looked straight at me and said, “We did it.” His voice broke when he repeated, “Alexa, we did it.”

I tried to smile at him through my tears, but my ruined face hurt too much. I wondered how badly I had been burned.

“She needs Lisbet’s help,” Rylan said.

Damian — King Damian — nodded.

Rylan stood up, with me in his arms, and the pain escalated until I couldn’t bear it. But it didn’t matter — I’d done it. I was finally sure that the people I loved were safe at last.

WHEN I WOKE, I was lying in Damian’s bed, and Lisbet hovered over me. At first, I couldn’t remember what had happened or why I was there. But when I moved, I felt the pull of my injured skin, and everything came rushing back, making it hard to breathe.

“Shhhh …” Lisbet whispered. “It’s okay, Alexa. It’s all okay now — thanks to you.”

I shook my head, struggling for air against the panic that held my lungs in an iron-tight grasp.

“Alexa, look at me,” Lisbet commanded, and I stared up into her dark eyes helplessly. “Breathe, Alexa. Nice and slow. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”

I tried to do as she asked, and slowly, slowly, the panic receded, until I could breathe normally, even though my heart still raced.

“There you go. That’s better. Just breathe, sweet girl.”

Sweet girl? Lisbet was calling me sweet girl?

She must have seen the confusion on my face, because she laughed softly, a sad, wistful sound. “Don’t look so surprised,” she said as she wiped a cool cloth over my brow. Her hand grew still and her expression somber as she stared down into my eyes. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for what you did. For saving all of us.”

“But at what cost?” I finally managed to whisper. It hurt to talk; the skin on the left side of my face and neck pulled funny when I did. I reached up to touch my face. Where once there was smooth skin, it was now bumpy. I pulled my hand away in horror.

“I did the best I could,” Lisbet said sadly. “It wasn’t normal fire that burned you. I couldn’t heal all of the scars it left, though I was able to heal some.”

I shook my head. “I don’t mean my face. I mean all the people who died in the battle. Jaerom. And Jude.” Tears ran down my ruined cheek.

Lisbet wiped them away with her cloth. “It was a terrible cost. But they gave their lives in hopes that it would ensure freedom from the king’s atrocities for those they loved. Don’t belittle their gift by living your life dragged down by regret and guilt.”

I stared up at her, my chest tight. Before I could respond, there was a knock at the door.

“That’ll be one of your suitors, I’m sure. They’ve both been pacing holes into the ground. I wouldn’t let them come in until you’d had a chance to rest and heal up a bit.” Lisbet stood up. “Would you like to see them now?”

Panic clutched my chest again. How could I face either of them?

Rylan would never forgive me. After all the years he’d protected me, for Marcel, I’d failed to save Jude.

Or Damian — he’d take one look at me and retreat in horror; my scars were surely worse than Eljin’s. And he was the king now. He shouldn’t be bothering with me; he had a country to run — to heal.

Lisbet stepped closer to me again when there was another knock. “You’ll have to face them sometime, but if you don’t feel up to it now, I’ll tell them to give you another night to rest.”

I nodded gratefully, not even daring to speak. When had I become such a coward? But I couldn’t deny the relief when she cracked the door open and quietly said something before shutting it again.

When she walked back over and sat down next to me on the bed, I took a deep breath. “I want to see myself,” I said.

She gave me a searching look, and then nodded. “Okay. That’s probably a good place to start.”

She rose and moved away, then returned, holding a hand mirror. I took it from her with trembling fingers. I held it down on my lap for a long time, too scared to look.

“I’ll go find you some dinner,” Lisbet said, “if you would like some time alone.”

I nodded again, grateful for her sensitivity.

She walked across the room, and then paused by the door. “Don’t hold it against him,” she said suddenly.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Against Damian. Don’t hold it against him for not telling you that he was a sorcerer. I spent his whole life ingraining in him that he could never, ever tell anyone. He took bloodroot every day of his life until he left the palace to suppress it so that Iker wouldn’t sense him and have him killed — or worse. I tried to train him when he came to me, but he had to work so hard to make anything happen, since he was purposefully poisoning himself.” Lisbet’s voice broke and my heart constricted. The bloodroot I’d gathered … I had been sure it was for Lisbet. But I’d been wrong — again. “His life has been nothing short of hell. He’s had no one, except for me, he could talk to or trust. Until you came into his life and he started to fall for you. I thought he was using you at first — that he was trying to make you care for him so you would do what he wanted. But, now … please don’t break his heart.”

I stared at her, stricken.

“I’m sorry. Forgive me for meddling. I just … I care for him as if he were my own son. I loved his mother so dearly….” She broke off again. After clearing her throat and dashing her fingers against her eyes, she nodded. “Right. I’ll go get that food now.”

She slipped out of the door, leaving me alone with her words hanging in the air and the mirror in my cold hands.

My heart pounded as I sat up in Damian’s bed, staring at the back of the mirror. I tried to summon the courage to look, replaying what Lisbet had said to me over and over in my mind. I was upset at Damian for not telling me — for keeping what had to be the biggest secret of all. That had to be why he’d known I was a girl; just like every other sorcerer I met. He’d had the chance to tell me in the corridor on our last night in Blevon, hadn’t he? Or had we heard the people coming too soon? Even if he didn’t have time then, there had been other opportunities.

But that wasn’t the true problem.

It was the same realization I’d come to in General Tinso’s castle, when we’d been alone in the room together.

There was no future for us.

I was not the one who would become his queen.

I clutched the mirror tightly. Maybe it wouldn’t matter anyway. Maybe I was so hideous now that he would take one look at me and decide he didn’t care about me anymore. Only love — true, unwavering love — could remain unblemished in the face of the horror I was sure to see when I lifted this mirror. And though I’d told him that I loved him, he’d never repeated it back to me. He’d told me he cared about me. That he wanted to be with me. But did he love me?