Sara Larson - Defy

“But … if he was a sorcerer, why did he die? Why didn’t he use magic to stop the one who killed him and my mother?”

General Tinso gave me a sad, knowing look. “He must have been fighting someone who was more powerful than he was.”

“Well, how can you be sure I’m not a sorcerer, then?” I pressed. “If you’re so sure Papa was one.”

“Because Eljin would have sensed it the moment he stepped into the ring with you. And Iker would have had you killed long ago. If the rumors are true, Iker’s power is expanding so that he can sense another sorcerer anywhere in the same room .”

I suppressed a shiver. He was wrong — he had to be wrong. Papa wasn’t a sorcerer. He wouldn’t have kept something like that from me.

“If Iker can sense sorcerers from that far away …” Rylan trailed off, glancing at Damian, whose expression was grim. He’d been watching me the whole time, his eyes guarded.

“If we were to try to storm the palace with every sorcerer in Blevon, he would sense us before we ever got close enough to see the king, let alone kill him. And he is powerful enough to destroy us all.” General Tinso’s voice was quiet.

The bleakness of our situation was crushing. If what they were telling us was true, there was no way we could ever stop King Hector. The last small bit of hope I had of somehow helping end this war died.

“If he can sense sorcerers like that, why didn’t he recognize Eljin as one while he was there? Or Lisbet?” Rylan wondered.

“I told Eljin my father’s schedule while he was in the palace, and he stayed as far away from him as possible, since we knew Iker would always be with the king. Sometimes it’s beneficial to have my rooms on the opposite side of the palace from theirs. And Lisbet has been taking bloodroot for years to suppress her abilities, just in case Iker ever got anywhere near where she and Jax were hiding,” Damian answered, walking toward me. I was right after all; the bloodroot had been for Lisbet.

When he stopped right in front of me, I gazed up into his face, knowing the hopelessness I felt was probably visible in my eyes. “There’s nothing we can do, then,” I said quietly.

Damian took my hands in his. “There is something. But it’s a huge risk.”

I could feel the tension in him; it flowed through his hands into mine. “If there’s a possibility to stop the king, it would be worth the risk, right?” I said.

“I used to think so,” he said, his eyes on mine.

“Damian, don’t let emotion cloud your judgment,” General Tinso admonished sternly.

“Emotion about what? What’s the risk?”

But as he stood there, gripping my hands, staring down at me, the answer dawned on me. “I’m the risk,” I said, my voice soft. “That’s why you wanted me to train here. You want me to fight Iker.”

“I don’t know what I want anymore,” Damian said, desperation lurking in his eyes.

“You can’t expect her to fight him — you just said he’s unbeatable,” Rylan protested. “She’ll be killed!” He stood a little bit away from us, staring at Damian’s hands on mine, refusing to meet my gaze, his cheeks flushed.

“You once asked me if I thought it was worth losing one life in order to save everyone else’s. Were you talking about my life?” I looked up at Damian, my heart thudding.

Before he could answer, General Tinso cut in again. “Alexa, you can do this. The plan has been put in action, and we only have two weeks before we must leave and begin our march on Tubatse and the palace. But you got past my son’s defenses after only one day of training. I believe you have the ability to do this — I believe you can kill Iker.”

“ If I can do it — if I kill Iker …” I trailed off.

“Then I will kill my father,” Damian said tonelessly.

The day my parents were killed, I’d sworn to do something to help stop this war — to keep our entire nation from being destroyed by it. If I’d known then what I knew now, would I have still made that vow to myself?

I stared up at Damian for a moment longer, my mind spinning mercilessly.

“Don’t do this, Alexa. Don’t agree to this,” Rylan pleaded, his expression troubled.

Finally, I looked at General Tinso.

“What do I need to do?”

General Tinso gave me a grim smile. “I knew you had it in you. Let’s get started.”

THE NEXT WEEK was a blur of constant training with Eljin. Every morning, he came at the first light of dawn and led us to the same room where we fought for hours on end. Damian and Rylan watched part of the time and sparred with each other the rest.

Lisbet even came and watched a couple of times. She looked like a different woman here. The dark circles were gone from under her eyes, and her skin almost glowed. She healed some of the more painful bruises I’d sustained over the last few days of fighting. When I asked about Tanoori, she assured me she was healing. Because the infection had taken such a strong hold on her body, it was taking longer, but there was another healer in General Tinso’s castle who was helping and Lisbet hoped Tanoori would be completely recovered soon. It was a small comfort that we hadn’t carried her for days for nothing after all.

Every night after the sun went down, I dragged my body back to the room where we slept and collapsed onto my cot, falling asleep almost immediately. My whole life, I’d trained ruthlessly, pushing myself to be the best. But I’d never had to work as hard as I did fighting Eljin and his sorcery. I was more certain than ever that General Tinso was wrong about Papa — and about me. I hadn’t been able to get past Eljin’s shield again once in the whole week, and I was growing progressively more discouraged.

“I can’t do it!” I finally shouted at the end of a very long practice session, and threw my sword on the ground after Eljin had deflected me for the hundredth time that day. “You aren’t even attacking me with sorcery; you’re just defending yourself. The minute I go after Iker, he’s going to kill me, isn’t he? He won’t just throw up a shield and let me try again. I’m going to fail and then Iker will kill all of you and this war will never end.”

I sat down on the floor in the middle of the room and dropped my head into my hands. I was so exhausted, I couldn’t hold back my sobs.

“Alexa —”

I heard Damian say my name, but Rylan was there first. He crouched down in front of me and took my chin in his hand, forcing me to look up at him.

“You aren’t a quitter,” he said gruffly.

“Then you obviously don’t understand what it means to say, I can’t do this ,” I pointed out.

He put both of his hands on my shoulders and stared into my face, his expression earnest. “Alex, you can do this. I know you can. You did it before, and you can do it again.”

“No, I can’t .” I reached up and angrily wiped the tears from my cheeks. “What do you think I’ve been doing for the last week? Playing a game?”

“No,” Rylan said gently. “But it hasn’t been the same, and you know it. When you beat him last week, something was different about you. You’ve always had a fire inside that’s driven you to be the best fighter I’ve ever known. But the time you beat Eljin, it was as if that fire had turned into an inferno. I’ve never seen you like that. All you have to do is figure out what was different about that day so you can repeat it.”

I wiped my nose, which had decided to embarrass me further by running, and glared at him. “I don’t know what the difference was. I was mad, but I’m mad right now, too, and I still can’t do it.” I shrugged Rylan’s hands off me and stood back up. “I’m sorry, Damian. I’m sorry that I’m not good enough.”