Sara Larson - Defy

I knew he was right, and I knew it was selfish of me to expect him to tell me everything. I knew how overwhelming the burden was that he carried. The last vestiges of my anger melted away.

“I never want to see you look at me the way you did yesterday ever again,” Damian said.

I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth. I could feel every nerve in my body yearning, reaching out for him. But I held back, waited.

“Can you understand why I had to do it? Can you forgive me?” His thumb stopped moving on my skin. I searched his face and saw only regret. Regret and something else … something that made my breath catch. “Could you ever trust me again?” He paused, and his fingers tightened on my neck. “Or … love me?”

The intensity of his gaze made me tremble. He was a man, but I also saw the little boy hidden deep inside — the one who’d watched his mother murdered in cold blood in front of him. The one who’d lost his beloved brother to a hired assassin. I looked at him and I saw a prince who wanted to save his nation.

I saw a man who was completely alone with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“Damian, I — I already do love you,” I whispered as a tear slipped down my cheek. “For better or worse.”

It looked like his eyes glistened but before I could be sure, he pulled me to him and his mouth was on mine and all I could think about was the feel of his lips, his hand in my hair, the intoxicating smell of his skin, and my heart trying to burst from my chest. I wanted to lose myself in his kiss; I wanted him to take me in his arms and never let me go again. But I was all too aware that Rylan slept across the room from us. I forced myself to break away.

When Damian gave me a questioning look, I nodded over at Rylan, who was thankfully still asleep, snoring softly.

Damian sighed and pressed his lips to the groove where my jaw met my neck, just below my ear, sending a shiver of want through me. “Someday, this will all be over and we’ll be truly alone,” he said softly into my ear, his voice hoarse.

I nodded, unable to speak as he continued to kiss my throat, his lips soft on my skin. At last, when I could barely breathe, I took him by the shoulders and pushed him back. He smiled wickedly at me, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“Are you sure you want me to stop?”

I stared at his mouth, my heart still pounding. I almost said no, but then I remembered Rylan.

“Yes.” I sighed.

He chuckled softly, but then his face grew serious. “Did you mean it?”

I knew immediately what he was referring to and my heart lurched in my chest. “Yes.”

“Say it again.”

I stared into his beautiful eyes for a long moment. “I love you, Damian,” I finally whispered.

He closed his eyes, as if holding my words inside of him. “And do you trust me?”

“I … I’m not sure. I’m trying to,” I answered honestly.

His hands tightened around my arms. I couldn’t decipher the look on his face. After a pause, he said, “Then I will have to prove that you can.”

Before I could respond, Rylan moaned. I stood up hastily, and backed away from Damian. He lifted an eyebrow, his eyes piercing. But I couldn’t explain it to him — not then. I couldn’t tell him that I didn’t want Rylan to see Damian holding me in his arms. I’d admitted to him — and myself — that I loved him. But things weren’t that simple.

There was a knock at the door and then it opened and Eljin walked in. Rylan’s eyes opened and he slowly sat up in bed, his hair sticking out on one side.

“Sun’s up,” Eljin said. “Let’s go. It’s going to be a long day for you.” He looked right at me and I nodded.

I was afraid he was right.

AFTER HOURS AND hours of nonstop sword fighting and hand-to-hand combat, I was hot, sweaty, sore, and exhausted. I still hadn’t gotten any answers to my questions, and I still hadn’t managed to get one blow past Eljin’s magical shield. He’d told me that to succeed in beating a sorcerer in a fight, I had to be faster than his ability to draw up the shield, or strong enough to push through it. After an entire day of his blocking every single attempt, I didn’t see how either option was possible.

Damian and Rylan had watched for part of the day, and then decided to start sparring as well. I found myself distracted, watching them fight, and Eljin landed a hard blow to my ribs, knocking the air out of me.

“Distractions often prove fatal. A good lesson to learn in a practice room,” he said, his expression mocking above his mask.

I hated that mask. I hated him . I was better than this. I didn’t make fatal mistakes. And no one defeated me. With a fresh surge of fury, I flew at him once more. I attacked so hard and fast that he couldn’t keep up with me. I felt him preparing to draw up a shield, and my anger increased. I wasn’t going to let him do that again. Not this time. I faked left and felt the surge of magic. With a lightning-fast move, I flicked my sword up to the right instead, grazing his cheek, and yanked the mask right off his face.

At first, it didn’t dawn on me what I’d done, because all I could do was stare at his mutilated face. But then the heavy silence in the room was broken by a shout of excitement.

“She did it!” Rylan whooped. “You got past his shield!”

Damian gave me a nod of approval, smiling grimly, as Eljin reached out and grabbed the black scrap of fabric from the end of my wooden sword. If it had been a real blade, I would have cut off his ear.

“I think that’s enough for today,” he said angrily as he put the mask back in place, hiding the scars that lined his jaw and twisted his mouth into a grotesque mockery of lips. He tossed his sword to the ground and stormed away. “You all stay here.”

The echo of the door slamming shut behind him was the only sound for a long moment.

“What happened to him?” I finally asked, unable to enjoy my victory with the memory of his scars in my mind.

Damian sighed as he walked over to the wall to set down his own sword. “General Tinso and his wife were from Blevon, but he was stationed at a border village when Eljin was a child. When my father declared war on Blevon, he announced it by raiding the border villages. General Tinso was on duty on the other side of theirs when it was attacked.

“General Tinso’s wife — Lisbet’s sister — was also a sorceress, and she tried to protect her son. But she wasn’t strong enough to hold off so many soldiers at once. After they killed her, they tried to capture Eljin. He fought back, but he wasn’t trained yet — he was too young and couldn’t block all of them. What you saw on his face is just part of the scars he got that day. General Tinso and his men were eventually able to fight back and force the Antionese army to retreat, but it was too late for Eljin’s mother. At least Eljin was able to keep them from killing him, too.”

“Why didn’t Lisbet heal him?” I stared at Damian, my stomach churning. Because of me, they’d both had to reveal their painful pasts in fewer than two days. I was really on a roll.

“She couldn’t; she was at the palace in Antion.”

“The palace? Why?”

“She was my mother’s lady-in-waiting. She came with my mother when she married Hector.”

“And Jax?” I hardly dared ask. I knew, even before he answered me. I didn’t know why I hadn’t put it together before now — the reason Jax’s blue eyes looked familiar. They were the same as Damian’s.

A dark shadow crossed his face. “He’s my half brother. My father’s bastard son. Lisbet should have left after my mother was killed, but she stayed. She hid for years, trying to watch out for my brother and me. Iker found her when I was eleven and took her straight to the king. My father raped Lisbet and had her thrown out with orders to kill her if she showed her face again.”