Ian Doescher - William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back

—Prithee, wait for me!

The battle is within the very walls,
And ev’ry portent tells of dread and doom.
[ Into comlink :] Good transport, this is Solo. Take your leave—
Our way has now become a wayward thing,
All fill’d with mounds of ice that block our path.
This moment calls for quick decision. Thus,
I shall with Leia flee on Falcon ’s wings.

But wait, where do you go? Pray, do come back!
Most typical this is. O wretched fate,
To be deserted by my friends most dear.
These human beings care but little for
Us droids who ever serve with loyalty.
Thus shall I end my days within this base,
A frozen remnant of the rebels’ stay
On Hoth. Belike one day explorers shall
Discover this defeated base, shall dig
Into its core and find a golden droid
Whose final resting place was ice and snow.
“Who would abandon such a lovely droid?”
No doubt this shall be their response when they
Espy me here. “What wretched humans would
Leave such a one as this alone to rot?”
I shudder at this thought, let it not be!
O open up your hearts unto my kind,
Then open wide this door for kindness’ sake!

Anon, thou goldenrod, thou heap of scrap,
Else shalt thou ever stay within this base
And make thyself a lasting icy grave.

[ aside: ] This man is both the reason for my pain
And for my joy. My gratitude o’erflows!

[ to Chewbacca:] Now wherefore doth the ship not function right?

Pray, would it help if I did disembark
And push with all a princess’ might upon’t?

Belike!

—Pray, Captain Solo, Captain Solo!

Tut!

—It shall wait.

—This bucket full of bolts
Shall ne’er beyond that blockade make escape.
We may as well depart the base aboard
A tauntaun’s furry back!

—The ship hath yet
Surprising, keen maneuvers, sweetheart. Watch!
The ship protects us with its lasers true
Against th’Imperi’l troops who come at us.
See, Princess, see? Now Chewie, let us fly,
And hope we shall not burn the engine out.
Repairs are made—let us repair to space!

One day thou shalt be wrong, and well I hope
I shall bear witness to thy failure great.

Anon, Chewbacca, lead us to our fate!

The recent battle is both lost and won:
’Tis lost because of rebels who expir’d,
’Tis lost because our base is compromis’d,
’Tis lost because our time on Hoth is done,
’Tis lost because we now evacuate.
And yet, ’tis won because two walkers fell,
’Tis won because the foes arriv’d too late,
’Tis won because our transport is away,
’Tis won because we live to fight again.
R2, we leave anon. With all due speed
Prepare the ship for takeoff.

—Meep, beep, squeak!

Fear not, R2, for now we fly!

—Beep, hoo.

Now flies my weary soul to Dagobah,
The place that hath in vision called to me.
I know not what or who this Yoda is,
Yet do I trust the ghost of my dear Ben.
To be a Jedi is my calling now,
To learn the ways of the most potent Force.
Already have I had more mentors than
Most people would e’er know in seven lives.
But here I am, drawn t’ward another quest—
To travel to an unknown system, aye,
And meet an unknown person who, perhaps,
Doth not expect my sudden visit there.
Yet I believe the words that came from Ben
Were better than a foolproof prophet’s tale.
There is a tide in the affairs of Jedi,
Which taken at the flood, leads to the Force.
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in black holes and in miseries.
On such a full sea I am now afloat.
And I must take the current where it serves,
Or lose my chance to find my destiny.

[ aside: ] O noble speech, with feeling brute and raw.
My master’s honor shall I serve with pride.
How best to show him I stand by his side?
I’ll offer ways to help him navigate.
[ To Luke: ] Beep, meep, meep, squeak, beep, whistle, whistle, beep?

Nay, nothing’s wrong, I merely change our course.

Meep, beep, squeak, whistle, beep, meep, meep, beep, whee?

We shall not rendezvous with our friends yet.
Unto the system Dagobah we travel—
And what we shall meet there, time shall unravel.

Hoth is a memory, but trouble still
Doth follow close behind. With threat’ning force
The Empire’s ships aggressively pursue
My well-belovèd ship. Shall we escape?

Auugh!

—Truly, Chewie, I did see them too!

I prithee, say—what hast thou seen, O Han?

Two Star Destroyers coming t’ward the ship.

Sir, Sir, may I but say a thing to thee?

Pray, shut him up or shut him down, anon!
Prepare our shield—they still may be outrun.
[ Aside: ] With all my pilot’s wisdom, skill, and might
I shall attempt to outwit these who chase.
Now watch, you Empire vile, how I do fly!
First up and down, aye, up and down, this Han
Will lead them up and down. Away we go!
Now back and forth, then back around again.
They are confounded by my errant moves.
Ha, ha! They are confus’d and fall behind.
Thus we have slipp’d away, soon safe from harm.
[ To Chewbacca: ] Make ready for the jump to hyperspace.