Ian Doescher - William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back

[ laughing: ]—Gihut, gihut, gihut!

Aye, laugh indeed, thou fuzzball large. But thou
Hast not seen us alone i’ th’passage south,
Where she did unto me unspool, in full,
Her feelings true of fondest love for me.

My feelings? O! Thou arrogant half-wit,
Thou oversizèd child, thou friend of slime,
Thou man of scruffy looks, thou who herd’st nerfs,
Thou fool-born wimpled roughhewn waste of flesh!

What scruffy? Scruffy, how? Whose scruffiness?
How am I all bescruff’d? [ To Luke: ] Belike my words
Were accurate and hit upon the mark,
Since now she hath her temper lost. True, Luke?

Thus is it plain that till thou tam’st thy tongue,
No tongue of woman shalt thou comprehend.

Egh, auugh, gihut!

[ from speaker: ]
—All personnel report
Unto the center of command at once.

[ aside: ] Well hath she play’d the trump.

O kiss most rare, O lips from heaven sent!
This is a moment I’ll not soon forget.
Though I can sense her heart doth turn to Han,
Still doth this kiss play tricks upon my soul.
By this fair princess I have been bewitch’d—
’Twas ever so since I saw her distress
In R2’s beam, a’pleading for our help.
But though the lass doth move my heart to joy
I ne’er would tempt her with a word too large,
For shall a Jedi’s path lead t’ward romance?
But this sweet kiss I’ll hold in mem’ry’s vault
As a reminder of my noble cause:
To serve rebellion and my princess kind.

A visitor hath come, my princess. ’Tis
Outside the base, in sector twelve, and doth
Appear to be directed eastward.

—’Tis
A thing of metal, cold and harsh and sleek—
It is not animal.

—Well, then ’tis not
The self-same creature that did harm our Luke.
But what do ye men think that it may be?

Belike a speeder, one of ours?

—Nay, wait.
A signal dim doth reach unto mine ears.

[ through comlink: ] Beh mena bem bem. Mena bem bem beh.

Good Sir, six million forms of language do
I know, and I may tell thee true that this
Strange signal is not by th’Alliance us’d.
It may, perhaps, be an Imperi’l code.

’Tis not a friendly sound, that much is sure.
Now Chewie, come with me and we’ll to it.
[ Aside: ] Snow creatures first, and now Imperi’l droids,
What portents of great evil may these be?
Though I am brave, forsooth these signs do make
E’en my courageous heart begin to fear.
I find myself afraid of what may come,
That my whole soul shall freeze ere this is done.
[ To all: ] Chewbacca and myself have ventur’d out
To see the probe. Now Chewie gives a shout—
It fires on him, and I respond in turn.
Be gone, thou enemy of all that’s right.
But wait, now what hath happen’d? I releas’d
A blast most simple—aye, a single blast.
Yet it appears that single blast was all
It could withstand; the blast was lethal, friends.
Now naught is left, for it hath been destroy’d.

What was’t?

—A droid. My blast did not strike hard,
Belike the thing did self-destruct.

—’Tis clear!
A probe droid from the Empire. This doth mean
The start of our rebellion’s flight from Hoth,
For now that we discoverèd have been
We lack security.

—Agreed. Methinks
The Empire knoweth we are here on Hoth.
[ Aside: ] My sense of doom and dread is not without
Its cause, for this event is grave indeed.

Good friends, dear rebels, comrades one and all,
We have no choice but to flee hastily.
Our swift evacuation shall commence,
And till ’tis done, make ready our defense.

My admiral?

—Yes, Captain.

—Here’s a thing
That thou shouldst see, good Sir. We have receiv’d
Report from a Hoth system probe, the best
That we have found so far.

—Your best, belike,
Shall bested be, for thousands of these probes
We have a’wandering the galaxy
And looking for the rebels. I want proof,
Piett, not leads. Proof—only that—is best.

But Sir, this best is better yet, for it
Hath found some forms of life upon the ground.

How better yet? How best? It could be but
An error or some useless reading. If
We were to follow ev’ry lead, our best
Would soon turn worst.

—And yet I do maintain
My best is better yet for this: ’tis said
That Hoth is all devoid of human forms.
It seems, good Sir, the rebels have been found.
Why else would sign of life appear on Hoth?
I’ll warrant, Sir, my forecast shall prevail.

You have found something good?

—My Lord, we have.
A probe that late hath made descent on Hoth
Hath made discovery of both life forms
And the appearance of a power source.

Thy judgment hath prov’d best, Piett: ’tis them.
Forsooth, the rebels may be found therein.

My Lord, there are throughout the galaxy
So many settlements we have not mapp’d.
This could be smugglers, maybe even—

—Nay,
That is the system, certain am I of’t,
And Skywalker is with them there. Now set
Thy course t’ward Hoth, and Gen’ral Veers, prepare
Your men for combat.