David Gerrold - A Matter for Men

Hank cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, Dr. Obama, there is a window in the sensing matrices-but it shouldn't have been big enough to let a Chtorran slip through, let alone three -I mean, four-of them. A hot Chtorran within ten meters will trigger the flash, but with a cold one-that is, one that's inactive-the Mobe has to be within four meters. Sorry, but they work so far in the infrared, they can't help but be nearsighted. The point is, if those worms were in the but, whether hot or cold, the Mobe should have flashed. The only way it could have missed cold ones, they'd have had to have been too far away-like out of the hut. And we know that wasn't the case, because we didn't see them."

"Maybe those domes are getting bigger on the inside," Larry offered.

Dr. Obama looked at him coldly. "Do you think that's possible?"

"Hell, I don't know," said Larry. "Every other one I've been into has only had two levels, top and bottom. If the worms started digging deeper than that, I didn't see 'em."

Dr. Obama considered the thought. "It isn't impossible that the wor-Chtorrans have changed their life style, but we have several other discrepancies to consider as well." She looked annoyed. "This has been a very atypical affair all around." She resumed her professional manner. "Sixth question, why was there a fourth Chtorran in the nest? Where did it come from? And why did it delay its attack? What was there different about this one that caused it to hang back for several moments? Also notice that it was the largest of the four Chtorrans encountered; significantly larger. What is the importance of that? Finally, is such an event likely to be encountered again in the future? Obviously we will have to modify our existing procedures to allow for that possibility.

"Seventh and eighth questions. What, if any, is the significance of the plant life surrounding the Chtorran shelter? We have not found such plants around the shelters in the past. Why here? Why now? Are these, in fact, specimens of native Chtorran vegetation?"

I'd transplanted all of my samples, each into its own pot. I had no idea how to handle them. Were they dangerous-or what? I wasn't even sure how to test them. Dr. Obama's questions barely scratched the surface.

She continued, "And what about the creatures observed in the Chtorran corral-those were burned as well? Ah, good. What is their place in the Chtorran ecology?" She stopped, looked around the table. "Are there any other questions that we want to consider? Yes, Duke?"

"What about Shorty?" Abruptly, my stomach dropped.

"Yes." Dr. Obama looked to her notes, but she'd already turned to a blank page. There was no answer there. "We all feel bad about that."

"That's not what I meant," said Duke, very quietly. I wondered if I was going to be sick.

"I know what you meant, Duke." Dr. Obama was every bit as quiet. "All right," she said. "Let's get it over with. Could you have saved him?"

"No," said Duke.

"Is there anyone here who could have saved Sergeant Harris?" asked Dr. Obama. She looked around the room. Larry was studying his fists; they were buried in his lap. He almost looked like he was praying. Carlos and Hank didn't say anything either; even Ted's hands were motionless on his keyboard.

"I should have been faster," I said. The words seemed unnaturally loud in the mess hall. Everyone but Dr. Obama looked at me, but having said it, I felt relieved. There, it was out. "I should have been faster, but the specimen pack was in the way. I couldn't get at my torch quick enough. If I'd been faster, maybe I could have saved him; maybe I could have gotten the worm before it-"

Dr. Obama said, "I doubt it. Sergeant Harris himself checked you out on that torch." She was still looking at her notepad. "And I approved his certification of you. Under the circumstances, that makes me equally responsible. As well as Duke."

"Thank you, ma'am. I recognize what you're trying to do-but I know that I was carrying the pack wrong."

Dr. Obama shook her head. "There's no one else who saw that. Despite your good intentions, McCarthy, I can't accept your statement as evidence."

"Excuse me," I said.

"Something else?"

"Yes," I insisted. "There is." I was suddenly aware that everyone in the room was looking at me. "I was wearing the helmet. I made a sound and video record. I-I think that there's some question here about what I did, and whether or not I-uh, acted properly. And I think that the video could clear that up. I'd like to have it shown. Please."

"I'm sorry. That's not possible."

"Huh-?"

"Duke and I tried to look at it last night. Unfortunately ... um ... the memory clip was defective."

"What?"

"The write-protect tab was out-"

"That was a brand new clip! I loaded it myself."

"-so the camera and microphone signals were not recorded. The clip was blank." She said it firmly and looked at me, as if daring me to argue with her.

"But-" I'd tested that clip myself! I saw the look on Ted's face and stopped. "Yes, ma'am."

She gestured to Ted and Ted switched off the transcriber again. She said, "Look, it's irrelevant. No matter what we decide here, it won't bring back Shorty. I promise you, he's going to stay dead. So if you're trying to justify your guilt feelings, please stop wasting our time. It doesn't produce much result."

"I'm sorry, ma'am," I protested. "I understand what you're saying-but I should have done better-I mean, if only-"

"Stop!" She glared down the table at me. "Jackson, is that thing off?" He checked and nodded. "Thank you," she said. "You're not getting it. So let me give it to you another way. Listen, McCarthy, the responsibility for putting that weapon in your hands was mine-do you get that?"

I nodded.

"So if there was an error there, it's my error too. Do you get that?"

I nodded again.

"And I don't make errors. Not of this kind. You were handed that weapon because you were judged to be capable of handling the responsibility. Shorty thought so. Duke thought so. I thought so. Are you telling us now that all three of us were wrong?"

"Uh-no, but-"

"No buts about it. Either we were wrong or we were right. This thought you have that you screwed up is nothing more than an attempt to avoid the responsibility, and pass the error back up the line to the people who authorized the weapon for you. I'm sorry, but we're not accepting delivery. You took the job. You knew what was involved. You accepted the responsibility. So I don't care how you think you handled it. You handled it appropriately." She glared at me with eyes like fire. "Can you get that?"

"Y-yes, ma'am." I shoved my fists into my lap and stared at them. She didn't want to hear me.

Dr. Obama stopped and cleared her throat, coughing into her clenched fist. She took a drink of water, then looked up again without focusing on anyone in particular. She nodded to Ted. He switched the transcriber back on. "Does anyone else have anything to add?" She waited without expression. "Then I take it that all of you here are convinced that Shorty Harris's death was unavoidable. Is there anyone who disagrees? Is there anyone who disputes the validity of McCarthy's response? No one?" She looked at Duke. Duke did not meet her gaze. He seemed troubled and for a moment I thought he was going to speak; then, instead, he just shook his head.

Dr. Obama waited a moment longer, then exhaled softly. She seemed relieved. "All right, let the record show that this hearing has determined that James McCarthy acted with dispatch and fortitude. Those present at the scene confirm that McCarthy's actions were appropriate and above reproach. Furthermore, it is the opinion of this body that McCarthy's professed clumsiness is an expression only of his feeling of inexperience in combat, not negligence."

She looked around the table. Duke nodded his reluctant approval. Everyone else seemed ... deliberately nonchalant. "All right, before we adjourn is there anyone who has any information which would cast any light on any of these questions we've brought up?" She waited only a second. "I thought not. It is hereby determined that this board of inquiry is unable to reach a conclusion about the circumstances of yesterday's operation, and for all the usual reasons: we simply do not have the knowledge of the Chtorran species that we need. It is the sense of this session and the conclusion of this panel that we have only the questions and none of the answers. We therefore make no recommendations of any kind. This meeting is adjourned. File that, Jackson, and put a copy on the wire-no, let me see it before you send it out." She stood up, gathered her notepad, and nodded. "Good day, gentlemen."