Sam Shepard: The god of hell: a play

WELCH

: Let’s get your pal Haynes up here. See what kind of a mood he’s in now. Maybe he’s ready to shed some light on the whole project. What do you say, Emma?

(WELCH punches the buttons on the remote control . HAYNES screams from below .)

EMMA

: Stop doing that! That’s got to be hurting—

WELCH

: Sounds like he might be ready to give us a few clues. (

yelling down to

HAYNES

as he hauls him up with cord

) Come on up here now! Front and center, Mr. “Haynes.”

( A scream from HAYNES as WELCH hauls him to the top of the stairs and into the room . HAYNES comes crashing up, clutching the black cord with both hands. The cord runs directly into the fly of HAYNES ’s pants . HAYNES is now in T-shirt, bare feet, and old khaki pants. He wears a black hood on his head. He stands there panting . WELCH rips the hood off . EMMA —off to the side, horrified . FRANK stays standing on couch, staring out at audience and clutching his crotch .)

( holding cord ) There we go! Finally, we have arrived! Haven’t we, Haynes? Debriefed, recoded, resurfaced, and good to go!

EMMA

: (

to

WELCH

) Is that attached to his penis? Is that cord actually attached—

WELCH

: Well, we don’t want to give away too many secrets, do we, Emma? These techniques are well guarded—

EMMA

: Because if that is attached to his—thing, then there’s no question that this is torture! This is absolute torture! I don’t care what country we’re in.

WELCH

: (

offering cord to

EMMA

) Would you like to hold him for a little while, Emma?

EMMA

: (

backing away

) No! No, I would

not

like to hold him.

WELCH

: It’s just like holding the leash of a well-behaved dog.

EMMA

: Frank!

WELCH

: Exactly the same.

EMMA

: Frank! Snap out of it!

FRANK

: (

out to audience again

) It’s times like this you remember the world was perfect once. Absolutely perfect. Powder blue skies. Hawks circling over the bottom fields. The rich smell of fresh-cut alfalfa laying in lazy wind rows. The gentle bawling of spring calves calling to their mothers. I miss the Cold War so much.

WELCH

: (

to

HAYNES

) Sit!

(WELCH punches a button on the remote control and HAYNES immediately goes to his knees like a trained dog .)

Now, Frank—turn around and say hello to your old compadre.

FRANK

: (

stays standing on couch, facing audience

) He is no compadre of mine. He’s a two-faced, camel-loving—

WELCH

: Now, now—we mustn’t judge him too harshly. We’re all guilty of a little backsliding from time to time. A little left-leaning—

EMMA

: (

to

WELCH

) Could I get him some water at least?

WELCH

: Of course.

(EMMA goes to sink, gets water . HAYNES, on his knees, starts ranting as EMMA brings water back to him .)

HAYNES

: (

on knees

) This is that moment—that place in time. You remember—there were these—there are, now—history. This is it now. Where we move—where we—we must—seize the day. That’s it! We must—snap ourselves back into it. Grab ahold. Jump right in there and smash the holy shit out of them before they get any more smart-ass ideas. This is it! We must—don’t you know that? Don’t you know?

EMMA

: What in the world is he saying?

WELCH

: He’s just reprogramming, Emma. He’ll be fine. Up now, Haynes! On your feet! Front and center. Do the step. Look lively. Let’s see it. The step! The step! Do the step!

(WELCH snaps the cord . HAYNES lets out a short yell, scrambles to his feet, and starts marching in place in some weird cadenced step . EMMA backs away with the glass of water .)

Time to get down to brass tacks here. Now, explain to Frank exactly what we have in mind here, Haynes. Everything we’ve gone through down in the basement. Our little ordeal. Come on, speak up, speak up! Don’t be shy.

(HAYNES staggers forward and speaks with some difficulty. He stops marching for a second .)

Don’t give up the step, Haynes! We’ve got to maintain at all costs! The step! The step! There you go. Now tell Frank. Go ahead.

(HAYNES picks up the march again and speaks to FRANK.)

HAYNES

: (

marching

) We’re—what they want us to do—what they want is—we’re supposed to head back there. All the way back. At night—by train—(

to

WELCH

) Isn’t that it? Am I on the right track?

WELCH

: That’s it! That’s it! Keep going—keep in step! Give him a little water, Emma. Just a dribble.

FRANK

: Train? By train? What the heck is he saying?

(EMMA gives HAYNES a small sip, then backs away . HAYNES stops marching for a second . WELCH is on him .)

WELCH

: Keep it up! Keep it up! The step, the step!

(HAYNES resumes his little march in place .)

HAYNES

: We’re supposed to head back with the heifers. At night. By train. Across the Great Plains. The two of us.

FRANK

: Me? Not me.

HAYNES

: Me and you both. Across the Great Plains. Clack-ety clack.

FRANK

: No! That couldn’t be right. I’m supposed to be at the meeting!

WELCH

: Where, though, Haynes? Where exactly is “back there”? Be specific. Frank needs to know. You can do it. You’re a big boy. Tell Frank.

(WELCH zaps him with electric shock. Blue light .)

HAYNES

: ROCKY BUTTES!!!!!

WELCH

: There we go. That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?

FRANK

: Rocky Buttes? I thought you told me they were going to be air-dropped into exotic foreign lands. That’s what you said. Palm trees! Desert oasis! Parachutes floating!

WELCH

: You just keep dreaming, Frank.

EMMA

: How are you going to explain Holsteins in the middle of the desert?

WELCH

: They snuck in from Canada. It doesn’t matter.

FRANK

: You told me my heifers were going to be glorified. Heroic!

WELCH

: You’ve got to drop all that for now, Frank. Leave the simple past behind. We’ve got to get a move on here. We’re dealing with a ruthless, diabolical, treacherous, despicable force. What’s the matter with you people? Don’t you get it?

FRANK

: No, this isn’t what I had in mind. You painted me a different picture. (

coming down off sofa, tries to hand case back to

WELCH

) Here, you take this money back. I don’t want it.

WELCH

: Too late for that, Frank. Way too late.

FRANK

: Take it back!

(FRANK opens case and empties the money out .)

WELCH

: Things have already been set in motion. There’s no more thinking to do. It’s time for action. Look at your friend, Haynes. How committed he is. You don’t want to be left behind, do you, Frank? Out here in the hinterlands. Get in step! Get in step!

(HAYNES keeps up his marching, getting more and more frantic, as FRANK looks on .)

Things are going to start moving very, very fast now. Everything’s been building to this. You’ll see. The wonderful part is that the machinery is in place! All we have to do is climb on board now, Frank. Take a ride!

We are going to deliver you to your Manifest Destiny! Just take a little test-drive. Get in step, Frank. Try it out.