Carola Dibbell - The Only Ones

So Melanie finds out they could get away with an awning for rain, but these kids need something to bounce off or they’re going to land in the East River. So they put up a few walls with insulation against injury but some have to wear a helmet anyhow. For Ani this is not the problem. Maybe that is why they think she is so Special. I don’t even know if they really do.

Ani does, though. She thinks she is more Special than me. Remember Rini Jaffur said, if you are gene for gene her living replica, how is she more special than you?

Well, it could be the self-esteem she is learning in school. When I went to school, we didn’t learn that. So it is a difference. Another difference is, she is passing in school. They don’t call it that because of the self-esteem. But she is not expelled. How Special is that?

She already made it to her second year at Mill Rock. She is seven years, five months old and still wearing the purple boots, even though it is warm. She loves those boots. She climbs off the bus, hands me a Note, and says, “You do not know what is a Project.”

I go, “Oh! What is a Project?” Believe me, I know what is a Project. Give me a break here, she was a Project. But I go, “Oh! I do not know!” for the self-esteem, and open the Note.

She’s like, “Oh, Ma, you are silly. You don’t know anything! You don’t even know where is the President.”

I go, “Nobody does.”

“Oh, Ma, you are silly. Wichita Dome!”

So that is news to me.

“Ma! A Project is How Was I Born?”

Well, I go, “Very good!” because you have to. But I am having another heart attack here, because I’m reading the Note, slow, while Ani is trying to climb the broken wall, and I will tell you, I don’t know how to work this. Ok, the Project is about Heritage. Whatever it is, they have to own it. They have to have Pride.

“Ma!”

Like you could have Donor product, gene splicing, ok. I notice they did not mention nuclear Transfer. They do not even call it clone.

“Was I born the same way Migan’s born?”

What are the chances?

I guess I could of said anything. Maybe I could even tell the truth. It’s just, I had to think fast. “How was Migan born?”

“The regular way. From a dish.”

So I said so was she. It is not a complete lie. They both started from a dish.

Well, it seems to work. “Migan and I was born the same way! We are Special!” She’s so pleased she almost skips while we head up the ramp, and I’m like, great, it is going to be ok, now let’s think about something else, but before the week is over, she climbs off the cuchifrito bus asking, “Were you the Host?”

Here we go again. What do I tell her? Ok. I told her no. I’m pretty sure we weren’t the only ones where the Parent is not the Host.

But she goes, “What was her name?”

Shit! I really boxed myself in here. What do I say? ">Ani, Berthe, Chi-Chi, e gWe’re not the only ones who had a different Host but this tank thing could be a problem if it got around.

I think about it now, sometimes I wonder, and maybe you wonder too, come on, the people at this school, they are so out to lunch, what difference would it make? Like if I said, “She is nuclear Transfer. You could call it SCNT.” Half the people won’t even know what it is. Maybe none of them will.

I wish I did tell her the whole truth right then.

If I even knew one situation like ours, maybe I would of. But we were still the only ones I ever heard of, except rumors.

I told her Rini Jaffur was the Host.

Well guess what? The very next day, she gets off the bus and says, “Itzhak was grown in a tank.” So then I’m like, I could of told the truth. She wouldn’t be the only one.

Maybe you are thinking, why not tell the truth now? Maybe I should of. At least part of the truth. Nuclear Transfer was too big a risk but I could tell her about the tank.

Then how do I explain who Rini Jaffur was?

The day before the winter break, Ani gets off the bus saying, “Migan is Chosen. Am I Chosen?”

Migan’s Parents made her from Donor product in a dish, then gestated her in a Host, then they died and Lore and Dana Chose her and are her Parents now, so Ani says, “Am I Chosen like Migan?”

The truth is, originally, Ani was. What Rini Jaffur did was pretty much Choose Ani, when Ani was a viable. Then she changed her mind and said I had to take her or we’re all going to jail. So I thought better just say I do not know. I think it’s better for the self-esteem.

Well, that is bad enough, but in March, she climbs off the bus, hands me Art and said, “You do not know what is a clone.” Then she goes, “Ma?”

Because I’m so surprised, I forgot to say I didn’t know.

“ Ma? ”

I’m not saying anything, I mean, all the way home, nada, while Ani’s going, “Ma?” and staring at me funny till we get inside.

Then I just went ballistic. “A clone is like anyone else. Anyone else.”

She goes, “Ma.” She looks scared. “It is not real.”

I just don’t know what to do here. I don’t want her to feel ashamed. “ANYONE ELSE!” I know what is a clone.

“Ma! It is current Event. It is not real.”

“ANYONE ELSE!”

Now she starts to cry.

I feel terrible I made her cry. It’s just this Heritage thing, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want her to feel ashamed. I just don’t know what is safe. And like she said it is just current Event. It was in the News, I heard it too. Some Parents in Florida claimed they did nuclear Transfer. You can be sure they called it clone. The minute the story got out, the Florida Authority took their baby because they are bad Parents, they endangered their child by it being born.

Well when the kid gets tested, guess what? It is not a clone. Then the Parents could get their baby back.

Why does someone say it is when it isn’t? Were Ani and me the only ones who said it isn’t, when it is? There had to be others. I wish I knew what they told their kids. I didn’t want Ani twelve years old and liveThon to feel ashamed, but this Florida thing, the Parents was in custody for two weeks. The child too. I didn’t know what would happen to Ani in custody. She is so attached, she still was learning how to get through the day without me. Two weeks, I don’t know what she’d do. I was attached too, but I was adult so, whatever. And suppose some Fundy found out. Those God’s Will nuts, or the K of L, if they ever find horses again. I just thought, better keep her Heritage to myself.

She seems to be ok without it. At the Conference, they said she is doing really good and will do even better soon. She ties her shoes and, well, she is a little Oppositional but they all are. It’s going to be ok.

I decide to buy a really special gift for her eighth birthday. I still felt bad I made her cry. She cannot own her Heritage but she could own a gift. I looked for extra coupons in empty units but it is not enough, and Rini’s credit stopped so long ago it’s like it never happened. I find a notice on the Little Neck Board, they need cleaners in public areas. One day I earned some coupons doing deCon by the City Line. I could of done some at Flushing Cemetery but it is all-day work and ran so late I would miss her bus.

Still, I have enough coupons from the City Line for a toy. I bought it from Norma Pellicano’s friend Darleen. It is a Treasure box and it is pink and has a dancer. Ani never had a toy like this. Well, neither did I. She is so pleased she wants to bring it to school to show it off. She comes home from school, it is gone. Where is the Treasure box?

She left it in Sharing. So I did all that work for something she is just going to share?

Ani says to share something, you have to own it. It has to be yours. You can’t share something that belongs to someone else.