Carola Dibbell - The Only Ones

And then, if she walks backward, someone might think something is wrong with her. With others, it was just, ok, they are themself. But if Ani is herself, who knows where that will lead?

So now I don’t know what to do. She already has trouble finding her way. How could this help?

I walked us all the way to the Jamaica Estates Dome, but we could not get through their Lock, we have to pass a health test first. There is some other Parent trying to get her kid in, saying, we already passed a health test! Th Myrtle Avenueot vehicleonat was the Hollis health test. This is the Jamaica Dome health test. Go to Jamaica Health Center. So we went with this other Parent, Ismirna, and her son Winston to the JHC which was really close. We pass the health test and go back to the Jamaica Estate Dome, get in the first Zone, what they call transition Zone, which is a new idea, for immunity, it has Vitamin D. Two other kids are playing there. Right away, Ani starts walking backward and it’s like, call the marines. Two mothers come up and hello, your child’s walking backward, and I’m like, “She’s not the only one! There are others!”

So one of these mothers says, “Well, maybe she should play with them.”

The Secretary comes out and says, “Your child is City Line, yours is Hollis, they are Special Needs kids.” I don’t even know what that is but Ismirna is like no way Jose, she is yelling, “My son’s Special Need is for a regular school!” I just take the Pass the Secretary gives me to the Special Needs school on Sutphin Boulevard and on the way I told Ani, as far as walking backward, there was nothing wrong with it. She should just never do it around other kids. Never. She could do it in the courtyard if it was so important.

I guess that shows how a little environmental factor can go a long way. The roof school was a factor, by which she walked backward. My saying she shouldn’t walk backward was a factor, by which she felt something was wrong with her.

The truth is, I was starting to wonder if there was. I was startingver went to school in the first place. If we never left the garden apartment, none of this would of happened. If something was wrong with her, I would not even know.

The Sutphin school for Special Needs is a rink with kids hitting themself on the head. Ani starts to shriek, I mean really loud. She is climbing right up me, she is so scared, so I decide, let’s try the Manhattan Dome school where the Sunnyside mothers said they have to take everyone.

Maybe I should of gave up right then. Maybe I should just bring Ani to hang out on the boarded-up school steps and hope some other City Line kid would show up and at least they could play. I guess I just thought the Manhattan Dome Opportunity might not be there forever. Better grab it now.

We go back to the Temporary Center. They give us a Pass to get into Manhattan so Ani can take a test.

I thought it had to take everyone.

Everyone who takes a test.

Before she even takes that test, she has to take the Dome health test. She already took the Dome health test! That was the Queens Dome health test. This is the Manhattan Dome health test. Go back to the Sunnyside Center, get a Pass to take the health test for the Manhattan Dome, at South Brother Island.

So this next part we spent taking tests just to be able to take a test. I mean it practically took up the school year. This test you take to go to the Manhattan Dome, you take it at nine a.m. in South Brother Island Dome. It took three hours to get there, with ferries. We had to leave at six, to get there at nine.

We had to wait on line for two more hours once we got there. Then Ani was hungry. We already ate everything we brought. We couldn’t leave the line. We would lose our place. I’m squeezing her hand so hard to keep her from walking backward she was crying by the end.

She cried from the test too, even though it was just blood and urine — nothing invasive. A little spit. But she got so wild they want to make her take a pill. I just hide it in my pocket and give her a look till she calmed down till the test to Hunter’s Point of theWhat doon was done and they said here is your Pass for the Dome. By the time we get home, she never wants to leave again. The Pass only works two weeks, we cannot wait very long.

By the time I get her on the podtram to the Hunter’s Point ferry to the east side Lock next day, she is a total mess. We can’t even bring the carrier, it is not allowed in the Dome. To get inside Manhattan Dome, they hose you three times! By the time we get through with our Pass, Ani is already upset. So this is the Manhattan Dome! Is this Opportunity or what? It is really dark and full of tunnels and everyone wears a kind of mask even in the Dome so what is the point. The Center is like a Dome inside the Dome. As soon as we get inside for the test, she walks backward. So they say, she needs a different test, go back to the other Center. It is not the health test. She is so tired I have to carry her back to Sunnyside Center, and it is closed. We’re so tired we just sleep in the yard. Then when the Center opens in the morning they say, oh! We were supposed to go to the other Manhattan Center.

She does not walk backward in the other Manhattan Center’s waiting room but so what, they don’t even run a test, they just call our name and give us a Pass. Go to Mill Rock Island. I mean I have to practically hold Ani down to keep her from bouncing off the walls. If I take her home now I’ll never get her out again. How about crossing the catwalk by foot, we are so far into the Dome we’re almost by the west side Lock, so that works except I have to lug her on my back and she is strangling me, but we make it over the catwalk to the east side, grab a ferry to Mill Rock Island where a big flag says EVERY CHILD IS SPECIAL, and I’m like, shit! What is that going to be but Needs? Sutphin all over again. No way Jose. I just jump back on the ferry, we are going back to Queens, let her walk backward, let her play with dirt, whatever, but the ferry ends up at Roosevelt Island, it is stopping there. So we’re at Roosevelt Island and have to swipe the Reader to get the ferry back to Queens, but it is some kind of really SOTA setup because when I swipe Ani’s ID, up pops one of those name/age/condition things, and it goes Special Needs. So I don’t want that on her ID. I swipe my own ID in fast to wipe hers off like Henry said sometimes could work. Instead now Special Needs pops up on my own swipe ID. I try manual override like I used to use to wipe my own ID with but it is so long since I tried that, I crash the screen, and when I try to call it back, the whole Board crashes. The ferry cannot leave till it’s back up. Nobody’s getting to Queens. A paddle barge is by the dock. Sometimes they take a passenger if you will help paddle but the skipper says, sorry, we are heading upstate. When he turns his back I just jump in with Ani and hide under a tarp. I mean, what is he, going to throw us overboard? When Ani starts to shriek he’s so mad I start to think maybe he will, but he says he will take us to Newburgh but she really has to shut up, and she is not walking backward but is making so much noise I just give her the pill from my pocket and she is out cold. Out cold. And I’m like what did I do? What did I do?

All the ride up river I am checking is she still alive and when we climb off at the Newburgh pier in the early morning she’s still out cold. I have to carry her to the local hybro. I even carry her down the big road where a farmer gives us a lift on his cart, and up the county road where she is just starting to wake up. On the dirt road she is awake enough to lift her head and see the trees over our head.

I go up to the door and press the buzzer. No one replies. Two trucks are parked in front. I try again. I’m worried they are not going to let us in. Like, oh, want to come in? Too bad. Myrtle Avenueot vehicleon I declined to do the work when Ani was so small. We’ll be sleeping in the trailer. If I could even find the trailer.