Carola Dibbell - The Only Ones

I still never heard of anyone like us. You mainly heard about Donor intervention. You could see about it on TV. I saw one program where the mother bought Donor everything. She bought a Donor viable, then paid some girl to Host it. This Parent was great. She did not even use a virgin Host. She was not afraid to go public. She said she’s going to tell the whole world the truth how her kid is born, including the kid, once it could talk. It’s the kid’s Heritage! The kid should not be ashamed.

I never thought of that.

I don’t want Ani to be ashamed.

But how could I tell the world? We could end up in trouble with the Authority. Or worse, with these Fundy nuts so close. And that’s just about nuclear Transfer. What about the tank?

I thought about the kids I had seen in Ani’s life. I thought about those Middle Village toilet kids with their regular mothers. I thought about the plexi and springs out on Dry Harbor Road. Was that part of a tank a kid was born from? Why was that kid born? Why were any of them? Those Fundy vigilantes really got in my head. They’re as bad as Janet Delize’s stupid looks.

Why was Ani born? That is a nobrainer. She was born so Rini Jaffur would have one child to stay alive. And that is one more difference between me and Ani. I don’t know why I was born. And I don’t know if it’s God’s Will I’m still alive. But I can tell you this.

I am.

Ani too.

It’s already spring. Ani’s in the courtyard, playing with dirt. She likes to build a pile of dirt, then jump in it. I really wish I knew of any kid who did that. I wish I knew of any kid period. I wish I could take Ani to Middle Village. Maybe Myrtle Avenue Center. But it is such a long trip. Norma Pellicano said they are going to make a podtram all the way to Hunter’s Point. One day we could take that trip. Maybe we could get out at Elmhurst.

Norma says a lot of infrastructure got improved at last. The sailtram will start working again any day, on the old tracks Ani and I sometimes walk on, for the view. You just go up a ramp at Northern Boulevard. I decide to take her for a walk up there on her birthday. The view from there, who knows? Maybe we could see a kid.

I got us up early on the birthday. Alma Cho is already waiting outside with a toy for Ani. Ani just threw it away. She prefers the dirt. I put Ani in the bubble carrier, wheel her to Little Neck Board, and send Rauden his birthday message.

Still alive.

Then we walked to the sailtram ramp. I had packed us food and water. We go right up the ramp. There was a bench up there. I sat down on it and gave Ani a drink and just look around. It was a great view. Golf course. Creedmoor. Even some Nassau County personal Domes, way off. The tracks start shaking. The sailtram’s working! Here it comes. WHOOSH! We just sat watching the sailtram pass, with its sails shaking in the wind. It was great.

A little ways down the tracks was a sign. INSERT COUPON, PULL FLAG FOR COLLEGE POINT. Well that is right next door to Powell’s Cove. I’m not going there again in a million years. We cross to the other side. OZONE PARK BY WAY OF SPRINGFIELD GARDENS. I heard of Ozone Park. Let’s see what happens! I always got some coupons in my pocket, from Alma Cho or my own forage activities. I insert one, pull the flag, and we just wait and wait. So, whatever. The view is still great. It is still a great day.

Then the sailtram came! It stopped! I had been on one of these a long time ago. You just walk on. So I just walk on, carrying the carrier. I didn’t see anyone else but us. Well, once this thing got started, it’s so fast it makes that Queens Village bubble vehicle seem as slow as Ani’s carrier. I can’t even read the signs we pass. Whee! It was great. It’s like we will fly right off the tracks. We don’t even stop for Zone crossings or anything till the tram overheats. Then that’s it. Where are we? I took Ani off the sailtram and we are in a great big empty space with great big burnt things. Then I saw — I think it is a plane. We ended up in JFK! What else is it going to be? Everyone heard of JFK. The B will not sitisisometimes onig One started here, on a plane, the same year I was born. And I am here with Ani on her fourth birthday. And she is still alive.

You could smell water. You could even see water shining behind the burnt buildings.

I pushed Ani in the carrier till we came to a bunch of army tanks that must be here to guard the place, though no one’s in them. We went right up to the tanks. I told Ani, “Tanks.” She mouths it back. Tanks. At least now she heard the word.

We come to a ramp, I push Ani up the ramp to a regular street and right away a big group shaw goes past with two pumpers in front, and you cannot believe how many riders. Nobody wears a mask. What is this? A stadium? And — I could hardly believe my eyes. It is a horse. I was a little nervous. But it seemed to be the only one, and nobody’s riding it. The horse pulls a tiny shaw. So out here by JFK they got a horse that got no vigilante on it and is still alive. Ani really stared. The horse and shaw head toward the water. I pushed Ani after, till the tiny shaw went somewhere else.

Well, here are two old men. I think they are fishing! We go right up and look. One man says, “Do she want to touch the fish?” Ani is scared. She won’t even get out of the carrier. I try to put her on the ground, which is sand and grass. She just hangs on to me so her foot can’t go on the sand. She was scared of the sand! I let her ride my back and kept heading out on the X Bay Boulevard, dragging the carrier. The Boulevard is a narrow strip between water on both sides, and you can smell the water really strong. Way out on the water was a boat. Way ahead on the land I could see tents. I feel like I am in a dream.

I could see people jumping up and down. I heard music. I start to think about the Exodus that moved to the beach from Queensbridge. Was this them? I really want to check this out. Some of the people jumping up and down are so small, what are the chances they’re not kids? Some of them jump right in the water. I felt this is a place I always wanted to be, but Ani hangs on to me so tight I could hardly breathe. A copboat cruiser comes right up through the water with a speaker and everyone runs away. We ran too, but the other way. Where are we? Is this Ozone Park? Well, look at that. It is a sailbus! We got right on! Even Ani liked that.

A sailbus, you have to not care where you end up. The tram, they don’t have a driver and it’s full of surprises, as you saw. But it stays on tracks. The sailbus, you could end up anywhere. This one ends up at a Dome I’m pretty sure is called Jamaica Estates. There are three residence Domes in Queens — this one, then Maspeth, and Cambria Heights. They are all smaller than Manhattan Dome.

We just stood outside this Jamaica Estates Dome, trying to look in. It’s starting to get dark. You could see lights come on, inside. You could see people on a bench. You could even see trees. I wait a long time, hoping to see kids, till a Dome cop comes up from nowhere. Where is the mask? Where is the swipe ID? The cop looks at Ani hard, then me, then back at our swipe IDs. What are you, she says, from the City Line? What Zone, Northeast?

I was too tired to lie. Maybe I should of lied. Maybe nobody ever will notice us if I lied that time. I just told the cop where we are from. She punched it in her Reader gizmo then said go home. She didn’t have to say it twice. I was really tired. I just kept pushing Ani home. By the time we got home in the dark, I could hardly drag Ani up our steps. We both slept the whole next day, but when I finally got up and thought about what happened? I think I never had a better day, my whole life. I just want to do it again.

And that is one more difference track down Lore and Danat Do of9H between Ani and me. I could hardly get Ani to leave the courtyard after that.