Koushun Takami - Battle Royale

Then he realized something.

“What about you?” He asked anxiously, “What are you going to do?”

Shogo shrugged his shoulders. “I told you. It’s payback time against this country. No, that’s not it. They owe me, and they’re going to pay me back. No matter what. I can’t join you guys.”

“No!” Noriko said with anguish.

Shuya responded differently, though. He clenched his teeth and said, “Let me join you.”

Shogo looked at Shuya for a moment. Then he looked down and dismissively shook his head. “Don’t be stupid.”

“Why not?” Shuya said insistently. “You’re not the only one with a grudge against this fucking country.”

“That’s right,” Noriko insisted. Her response surprised Shuya. Noriko looked at Shogo and continued, “We’ll do it together.”

Shogo looked at them. He heaved a deep sigh. He looked up and said, “Look. I think I told you before that this country might be fucked up, but it’s well run. It’s almost impossible to take it down. No, I’d say it’s absolutely impossible right now, but I…” He turned around and then looked beyond the roof at the sky turning white from the receding rain. Then he looked back at them. “To use a cliche, I just want to take a stab at it. I’m getting back at them. I’m only doing it for my own sake, which isn’t such a bad thing.” He stopped and then said, “No, it’s not bad at all.”

“So then—” Shuya said but Shogo interrupted him, raising his hand.

“I’m not done.”

Shuya shut up and let him speak.

“I’m saying you’ll die if you join me. You just said you’re going to be with Noriko. Which means…” He looked at Noriko. Then he looked back at Shuya. “You still have Noriko. You protect her, Shuya. If she’s in danger then fight for her. Whether your assailant’s a burglar, the fucking Republic of Greater East Asia, or an extraterrestrial alien.” Then he turned to Noriko and said kindly, “You too. You still have Shuya, right? Protect him, Noriko. It’s foolish to die pointlessly.” Then he looked at Shuya again. “You understand? There’s nothing left for me. So I’m just doing it for my sake. It’s different for you guys.” The last statement sounded adamant. He checked his watch, tossed another cigarette into the puddle, got up and went out from under the roof. The chirping bird call rang out.

As he listened Shuya recalled a song by a mainland Chinese rocker that went: “Perhaps you are saying/You love me even though I have nothing at all.”

But what did Shogo mean when he said he had nothing?

After tweaking the bird call for exactly fifteen seconds, Shogo went back underneath the roof and sat down.

Noriko asked Shogo, gently, “Don’t you have someone you care about?”

Shuya had wanted to ask that too.

Shogo opened his eyes and then forced a grin. “I wasn’t planning on telling you, but…” he said and then took a deep breath. He continued, “No, maybe I did want to tell you.” He reached behind for his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He removed a photo with frayed edges.

Noriko took it. She and Shuya looked at it.

The photo included Shogo. He was wearing a school coat, and his hair was as long as Shuya’s. He was smiling, wearing a bashful smile that was hard to imagine on him now. And on his left was a girl in a sailor suit uniform. Her black hair was bundled over her right shoulder. She looked assertive, but her smile was incredibly charming too. In the background were a road, gingko-like trees, a whiskey billboard ad, and a yellow car.

“She’s beautiful,” Noriko exclaimed.

Shogo rubbed the tip of his nose. “Really? She’s not what you’d call typically beautiful, but I always thought she was pretty.”

Noriko shook her head. “Well, I think she’s very pretty and very… mature looking. Is she the same age as you?”

Shogo broke into a bashful grin that was reminiscent of the one he wore in the photo. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Shuya gazed at the two smiling faces next to each other in the photo and thought, hey, what do you mean you have nothing? But Shuya had overlooked something crucial.

“So is she in Kobe?” Shuya asked.

Shogo grimaced. He shook his head and said, “Remember, Shuya? I played this fucking game once before. And I was the ‘winner.’”

That was when Shuya realized. And Noriko probably did too. Her face stiffened.

“She was in my class. I wasn’t able to save Keiko.”

They fell silent. Shuya finally felt he could truly understand Shogo’s anger, the sheer depth of it.

“So you see now,” Shogo said, “I really have nothing. And it’s payback time against this country for killing Keiko.” Shogo put another cigarette in his mouth and lit it. Smoke drifted by.

“So her name was Keiko,” Shuya finally asked.

“Yeah,” Shogo gave several small nods.”’ Kei ‘ means ‘joy.‘”

Shuya realized it was same kanji character as the first character to Yoshitoki’s name.

“Were you,” Noriko gently asked, “with her until the very end?”

Shogo smoked silently. After a while he replied, “That’s a hard one to answer.” He continued, “Her last name was Onuki. The roll call started with No. 17 in that game. Whatever. Anyway, Keiko’s number came before mine, so she left three numbers before me.”

Shuya and Noriko listened quietly.

“I thought she might be waiting for me somewhere near the departure point. She just might be. But she wasn’t there. I mean it couldn’t be helped. Just like with this current game. It was dangerous to hang around the departure point.” He took a drag from his cigarette and exhaled. “But I finally found her. The game took place on an island like this one, but I found her.” He took another drag and exhaled. Then he continued, “But she ran away.”

Shuya was shocked. He looked at Shogo. His stubbly face remained calm. It seemed like he was doing his best to restrain his emotions.

“I tried chasing her, but I was attacked by someone else. I managed to kill that person… but I ended up losing sight of her.”

He took another drag and then exhaled.

“Keiko couldn’t trust me.”

He still wore his poker face, but there was a tense look in his eyes.

“But I still looked for her. The next time I found her she was dead.”

Shuya understood. Once he was back here Shuya had told them about Yukie Utsumi’s group and observed, “It’s so hard to… trust someone,” to which Shogo responded by saying, “Yes, it is. It’s very… hard.” Shuya now saw why Shogo looked so uneasy then. He also understood why Shogo said Hiroki might have found Kotohiki dead, or that she might not necessarily trust him.

“You asked me, Shuya,” Shogo said. Shuya looked up. “Why I trusted you guys, when we first met, right?”

“Yeah.” Shuya nodded. “I did.”

“And I believe I said you two made a nice couple,” Shogo said and glanced up at the roof. By the time he lowered his eyes, the tension in his cheeks was gone. “It’s true. That’s how you two looked. So I decided I wanted to help you guys out, unconditionally.”

“Uh huh.” Shuya nodded.

After a while Noriko said, “I bet…” Shuya looked over at Noriko. “She was just terrified… and confused.”

“No.” Shogo shook his head. “I-I really loved Keiko. But there must have something about the way I treated her when we were going out. That’s what I think it came down to.”

“That’s so wrong,” Shuya adamantly insisted.

Shogo looked over at him, his arms folded over his pulled-up knees. The smoke from the cigarette in his hands drifted up gently like silk.

“There was a misunderstanding. A small misunderstanding, I’m sure. Given how fucked up this game is. The odds were against you. That’s what it really came down to, right?”