Jasper Fforde - Early Riser

But they weren’t twins. Aurora and Toccata were the same person.

‘Well, well,’ said Toccata, ‘the forgotten sleeper of the Sarah Siddons. Charlie Worthing, isn’t it?’

Confused by the sudden turn of events, I blurted out the first thing that came into my head.

‘You know I am.’

Toccata’s eye flashed dangerously.

‘I never ask questions I already know the answer to. Waste of my time, waste of yours. So, again: are you…’

Her voice trailed off. She narrowed her eye and looked at Treacle and Jonesy in turn.

‘Oh, I get it,’ she said, ‘a bunch of comedians. You didn’t tell Worthing Aurora and I looked vaguely similar, did you?’

‘Since Jonesy found Worthing,’ said Treacle, pointing an accusatory finger at her and demonstrating in the clearest manner why Jonesy wanted nothing to do with him. ‘She could have done so. In fact, I thought she had. Which is why I didn’t.’

‘I wanted to see the shocked look on Worthing’s face,’ said Jonesy after giving Treacle a withering look. ‘The Winters are long and we have to make our own entertainment.’

‘Make it some other way,’ growled Toccata, ‘whittling or ice sculpture or something.’

She turned back to me.

‘But you are Charlie Worthing, I take it?’

‘I am, ma’am.’

‘Charlie prefers to be called Wonky,’ said Jonesy.

‘I doubt that so very much,’ said Toccata, ‘but Wonky it is. You were there when Jack Logan was… murdered?’

She almost chose the word ‘died’ but then pulled back and substituted ‘murder’ instead. It was not hard to see either how she felt about it, nor who ultimately was to blame.

‘Yes, I was.’

‘He was one of the best,’ she said. ‘How did she get the drop on him?’

I knew now why he’d paused: he couldn’t kill Aurora because he’d be killing Toccata, too. Odd, I thought, that he could countenance farming a nightwalker – but would rather be dead than kill someone he was once in love with.

‘He could easily have thumped Aurora,’ I said in a quiet voice, ‘but he paused. And in that moment, she had him.’

‘Paused?’ said Toccata. ‘Why would he do that?’

I looked at Jonesy for help but she just stared back at me.

‘I don’t know,’ I said.

‘I’ve read Aurora’s misspelled and poorly worded report,’ said Toccata after staring at me for a few seconds. ‘It claims you were about to be executed and that Aurora thumped Logan “in order to save the life of a Novice Consul”. Why was he going to kill you? What had you done?’

‘I hadn’t done anything,’ I said, ‘but I’d given him the impression that I would have reported about how he and Foulnap were going to farm Mrs Tiffen.’

‘You knew that for a fact? Did he actually say he was going to kill you?’

I thought hard.

‘On reflection,’ I said slowly, ‘perhaps they didn’t want me dead.’

‘Explain yourself.’

I took a deep breath.

‘The conversation began with Lopez saying: “Maybe we can trust the Novice, I didn’t sign up to all this in order to start killing Consuls”. Then Foulnap said that he was with Lopez on this, and Logan said: “We can’t risk any of us being discovered, besides, Aurora’s in town”.’

Jonesy and Toccata looked at one another.

‘Go on.’

‘Then Foulnap asked: “How did she get wind of us?” and Logan said: “We don’t know that she did. I’ll deal with Worthing, you deal with Mrs Tiffen”. He then gestured for me to leave the room and we did, and he then said: “You should have listened to me earlier and just let it all go”. And I then asked him if he could tell Sister Zygotia where she could find my body, and he told me not to be overdramatic. And that’s when the elevator doors opened to reveal Aurora. He was dead five seconds later.’

I finished my account and fell silent. Toccata peered at me carefully, but when she next spoke it wasn’t about Logan.

‘Was that word for word?’

‘Pretty much.’

‘You must have a very good memory, Worthing.’

‘Second prize in the Swansea Town Memory Bee. Six hundred and forty-eight random words memorised after only two readings.’

‘Did Logan know about this?’

‘I think it’s why he employed me.’

Toccata and Jonesy looked at one another again. There was something going on, something I wasn’t aware of. Mind you, I could have guessed that from all the way back in Cardiff.

‘So,’ she said, ‘why didn’t you just keep your mouth shut as Logan asked?’

‘Because I’d sworn to uphold the law.’

‘No, you hadn’t: you’d sworn to uphold the sanctity of the sleepstate and ensure the most favourable outcome is enjoyed by the majority.’

‘Isn’t that the same thing?’

‘Not the same thing at all. What if Logan was on to something bigger? Something so big and so righteous and so important that your death would have simply been side-issue collateral, a necessary yet barely regrettable loss on the road to the most favourable outcome?’

‘Was he?’

‘It’s hypothetical, Worthing. Work with me on this.’

‘Then yes,’ I said, ‘I could have done what he’d asked. Let Foulnap take Mrs Tiffen, gone on as if nothing had happened. But I didn’t. I did what I felt was right.’

‘The road to Spring is littered with well-intentioned morons,’ remarked Toccata, ‘but I’m satisfied you were acting upon conscience.’

She stared at me again.

‘You met her today, didn’t you?’

‘Yes, ma’am,’ I said, relieved we were moving away from the subject of Logan’s death, ‘she stopped three nightwalkers from eating me. Oh, and she had a message: Queen’s knight takes bishop.’

I decided to leave out the ‘being eaten alive by slime’ part of the message.

‘Queen’s knight takes bishop?’ said Toccata with a sudden burst of bright-eye enthusiasm. ‘An uncharacteristically dumb move, unless… unless she’s attempting the courageously risky yet certifiably insane Will Francis Queen & Double Rook Sacrifice. You’d better come in.’

She led me through to her office, which was beyond disordered. Papers and files were stacked almost to the roof and were so precariously balanced they looked as if they might collapse at any second, burying us all. She beckoned for Jonesy to join us, indicated for me to sit, then went to a chessboard set out in mid-game. She moved the knight and picked out the bishop. I noted she was playing black, and had to rotate the board several times so she could see all the pieces.

‘It is the Will Francis,’ she muttered under her breath, then moved her rook. Not to take Aurora’s queen, which was horribly exposed, but to take a pawn and place Aurora’s king in check. ‘Which can,’ she continued, ‘be defeated by the Mays Single Pawn Do-or-Die Offensive.’

I looked at Jonesy, who shrugged.

‘When you see the dopey cow again,’ she said without looking up, ‘queen’s rook takes bishop’s pawn two, check – and tell her from me that I hope she gets the mildew and her tits fall off.’

‘Yes, ma’am,’ I said, still confused. Not by the chess game itself, in which their play might be best described as ‘eccentrically inspiring’, but that they could play each other.