David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

“These people,” she set back in her chair again “would never even begin to consider driving their cars fast past a school because they would instinctively know it was endangering others’ lives. They would never consider punching someone in the face because they understand their culpability for the injury they might inflict. They would never even make unkind comments to another person about their weight, or appearance, or life choice because they would understand that they were responsible for inflicting undue pain on a fellow human being.

“Just wrap your head around a species,” Serilda said, “that is entirely unable to grasp even a molecule of the concept ‘they had it coming’.”

“Are you telling me that this entire planet is completely lawless?” Mike asked in wide eyed amazement.

“I guess the answer to that would be a technical ‘yes’,” Serilda said. “But if I understand the translation correctly your term ‘lawless’ has a definite negative connotation.”

Mike nodded.

“While we have no laws, or no need for laws for that matter, we have a population on this planet that could never even begin to grasp the idea of laws.

“Let me try to explain it this way,” Serilda said as she leaned forward. “You and Bob here are neighbors back on Earth. Bob has a tree in his yard that has gotten old and part of it is dead. Eventually that branch breaks off and crushes your fence and a gazebo in your yard. You want Bob to pay to have it fixed, and Bob thinks that since it’s in your yard you should just have your insurance pay for it. You end up yelling at each other across the property line and eventually it ends up in small claims court. There you present all of your facts and an impartial judge weighs them against the laws in your community and makes a ruling. Usually you’re both unhappy with the outcome and end up living next to a new mortal enemy until one of you moves.

“Does that sound like a pretty plausible scenario to you Mike?”

“Of course,” Mike said, “and I must add that you’re pretty well versed on how things work at home.” Already the phrase ‘at home’ was beginning to sound odd in Mikes head.

“I spent many years running deep space projects to Earth before I agreed to take this position.”

“Now let’s walk through that scene here, but backwards. There is no ruling, because there is no court, because there was no property line in the first place, or private ownership of that property. The tree still fell over, and still crushed the above stated structures, but both you and Bob know the only important thing here is that they be repaired. If you have the time you both get together and fix it. If you don’t there’s a community repair team that comes out and fixes it for you.”

Serilda sat back and smiled warmly.

“Alright,” Mike said, “but who pays for it?”

“Fasten your seatbelt for this one buddy,” Bob said, “it’s going to be a bumpy night.”

“We don’t have money here Mike,” Serilda said. “Not as you know it, or in any other way, shape or form. We actually have no form of compensation, insurance, unified health care, tuition, or taxes. Nothing at all like any of that.”

“How in the hell does that work?” Mike asked in wide eyed amazement.

“Like I said before Mike, this population has an intense sense of right and wrong. And when it comes right down to brass tacks, that really is all you need. People see a need for something to get done here and they do it. There is no waiting to see if someone else does it. Or complaining that the ‘powers that be’ don’t accomplish their community service tasks. People here see something amiss and fix it.”

“That all sounds pretty willy-nilly to me,” Mike said, “and haphazard on top of that.”

“What do you think a place like this would need to keep it from being ‘haphazard’ as you say?” Serilda asked, smirking.

“I don’t know,” Mike said as he absently scratched his chin. “Somebody to, I don’t know, coordinate things maybe. A central…”

He looked back at Serilda.

“Yes?” she said.

“A facilitator,” Mike said.

“You are on fire buddy!” Bob said as he slapped Mike on the knee.

“Yes Mike,” Serilda said as she smiled at Bob, “a facilitator. But like I said before, this isn’t just this city, or this area, or this country. Well, mostly because none of those things exist here either. But, this is the way the entire planet works.

“Think of the possibilities Mike,” Serilda went on. “We have no wars because everyone is working towards a common goal. The goal is the betterment and advancement of our planet. We don’t needlessly kill off creative minds or influential people in some moronic conquest of land or conflict over ideals. We don’t put the majority of our creative initiative into developing better ways to kill each other off, or ways to defend ourselves from being killed, blown up, irradiated, or burned to death.”

“But how could just one person facilitate ALL of that?” Mike asked.

“One person couldn’t,” Serilda said. It’s a pretty complex organization and I’m simply the focal point. People here like to be productive, just like people on your planet for that matter. Let’s say that a child shows an aptitude for medicine. That child is guided toward the ultimate goal of becoming a doctor or some other type of health care professional. Let’s say they show a real interest in just being outside all day working in the yard. Then they’re guided toward horticulture of some type.

“Naturally we can’t have everyone here being an astronaut or cowboy, so we have people that are very good at coordinating and directing people toward the needs of the community. Also, the concept of an eight hour day, five day work week, definite vacation time, a weekend or sick days is totally foreign here.

“How much time have you spent sitting at your job just waiting for the clock to get to the exact minute that you were allowed to ‘clock out,’ Mike?”

“Only every day,” Mike said.

“Exactly,” Serilda said. “Here we work until the job is done, or there’s a good place to stop and start again the next day, or until there is other work to do that’s more important than the work you are currently doing. Everyone here multitasks Mike. When I have nothing to do here I’m a carpenter in my community. Bob over there is a plumber and musician.”

Bob smiled and waved.

“You said that not one person could facilitate all of that,” Mike said. “How does that work.”

“To keep it simple,” Serilda said. “I sort of manage facilitators in several different areas, those offices manage smaller ones and so on, right down to the single community level.

“Let’s say that there was a storm that devastated a specific area. There would be quite a high demand for specialists to fix the damage. The facilitator in that area would inform the facilitator above them what the needs of the community were, and depending on the scope of what needed to be done the message would continue to go up the chain until the needs of that community were met.

“If the demand for assistance were to be great enough, eventually the requests would get all the way up to me. It really is a beautiful system Mike, and the people here thrive on it. It also keeps life here pretty stress free.”

“I guess I can see how it would,” Mike said. “And I guess I could see how someone like me could be more than a little dangerous here. Am I ever going to be able to actually get out and mingle with the masses, or am I just going to get shuffled around from one person to another as they give me a powerpoint presentation of how things work up here? Because I’ve got to tell you that the prospect of the last part is pretty depressing to me. I really want to work at being a part of this for a time. I really want to completely learn how to live this way and try to affect some change at home.”