Ken Liu - Broken Stars

After listening to my account, he asked, “Lin, what questions did you ask yourself? What answers did you get?”

“I just want to know where she is!” I was impatient.

“If you can’t answer my questions, I can’t help you.” He looked regretful.

This was, if I recall correctly, the first argument we had. He had always been solicitous of me, despite the fact that I wasn’t an outstanding student, and my dissertation was undistinguished. He, on the other hand, was one of the most sought-after advisors in the department.

“Lin, everyone’s future is in their heart,” he said. “I’m sorry you lost her.”

Lost? I didn’t know what he meant.

I needed her. That was the only thought in my mind. The thought wouldn’t leave me alone, and it was driving me crazy. I needed her; I had to see her; I must see her….

I felt dizzy, and Mark steadied me. “I think you need help.”

“I have to see her… ,” I whispered.

He helped me down on a lounge chair. “You need to rest.”

His words seemed to cast a spell over me, and I felt exhausted. “You need to sleep,” he said.

I closed my eyes. In my dream, I sought her in a mirror maze. Everywhere I saw my own reflection, but I couldn’t see the person I needed.

I want to ask her…

“What is it?”

My eyes snapped open. I was sitting in Mark’s office. She was sitting across from me. Older. Beautiful.

“What do you want to ask me?” she repeated.

Mark wasn’t around. Where had she come from?

“Where’s Mark? Did he bring you?” I demanded.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Her gaze was as tender as before. “How are you, Ed? I thought you were doing well.”

“I’m fine.” My voice cracked. “Before you showed up in my life—before you left me, I was always fine.”

“I thought you no longer needed me.” She looked away.

“I do need you. I’ve been thinking about you every moment.”

“Me too.” Her eyes were wet.

“Be with me then,” I begged.

“No.”

“Why?”

She shook her head. “No. Although I’ve forgotten the past, I remember one thing.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll know.”

“Damn it! What is this thing that makes you so certain we can’t be together? Tell me!”

“You’ll find out soon.” She pointed at Mark’s desk. “The answer is there.”

I jumped up and rushed over. A lab notebook lay on the desk. The Omniscient.

I didn’t know this was something Mark was studying.

With a trace of guilt, I opened the notebook.

I’m interested in psychological phenomena that cannot be explained by existing scientific theories. Omniscience in the narrow sense I use the word here is rooted in the proposition that the experience of moving through time from the past to the future is an illusion. Our memories are deceitful because the past and the future coexist in our minds, although the future has been veiled away. The omniscient are those who possess memories of both the past and the future.

I’ve been looking for someone truly omniscient, or a way to trigger omniscience in a subject. The work has been difficult. Most clairvoyants turned out to be frauds.

Until I met Lin.

I looked up. She was gone.

But her voice seemed to linger in my head. The answer is there.

I flipped to the next page.

Lin never knew that he had another personality. But I was lucky enough to meet her, though she never warmed up to me.

To be clear, I never “saw” her. I could only see Lin, and she lived inside his body. I had been under the impression that the clairvoyant was a man until I took Lin to his childhood home (perhaps that was a mistake), where Lin saw her and told me that she was a girl.

I listened to their conversation. Strictly speaking, it was Lin talking to himself. I couldn’t record that conversation in any way, since the clairvoyant personality was extremely distrustful of me.

I knew that I shouldn’t interfere in their relationship, but Lin had become mired in an emotional trap. It was impossible for him to fall in love with himself, though she was a completely distinct personality.

I couldn’t move or speak. Mark was saying that… she was me.

She and I were the same person.

I was the clairvoyant.

How was that possible? Had she always been a mere hallucination?

Scenes from the past flashed before my eyes in a montage: the familiar smell of her home; her demand that I interview her; her knowledge of my preferences…. Yes, if Mark’s daughter’s grades were not within her realm of knowledge, why should everything having to do with me be in her ken? Also, after I ate the food she had made, she had looked so satisfied….

A terrifying chill crawled up my spine. I was a drowning man, and the lab notebook the only piece of driftwood within reach. I flipped through it quickly, though many pages had been torn out. I came to the last page.

As the only known instance of omniscience, Lin proved that the condition was possible—though he exhibited it in an unforeseen manner. True multiple personalities were very rare, and often were associated with extreme trauma. I am thus led to speculate that being omniscient is a condition of great terror and pain, and Lin reacted by splitting himself into two parts: a man who seemed normal, and a woman who predicted the future.

If possible, I would like to interview Lin’s family to find out if in his childhood, before the development of the clairvoyant personality, he had exhibited any unusual behaviors. Unfortunately, Lin was an orphan whose parents had died when he was eight in a car accident. He then grew up in a series of foster families who all agreed that there was nothing unusual about him that they could remember.

My eyes stared at the last page, frozen.

The page turned into a massive stone tied to my feet, dragging me into the murky depths where I couldn’t breathe.

I remembered that familiar building. The apartment at the top was always filled with the fragrance of spicy chai and pumpkin soup.

I was eight.

I told Mom and Dad, Don’t go!

I knew about the accident. I knew they were going to die.

I cried, begged, screamed, threw things on the floor. I tried to cut myself.

They thought I was throwing a tantrum.

They locked me in my room. Their footsteps faded, and never returned.

I knew what had happened. They were dead.

I gazed at myself in the mirror. This is your fault.

The reflection gradually changed. It turned into a little baby with wriggling arms and legs.

She was the clairvoyant. She could see the future, but she was unable to alter it. She had once been me, but she would be me no longer.

I told her, They died because of you. I hate you.

Although she looked like a baby, she could talk. She reached out, trying to grab my hand.

Ed!

I smashed the mirror. I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes.

I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to hear her.

I knew that tomorrow everything would be better.

Everything would be better.

Regina Kanyu Wang, a science fiction writer from Shanghai, China, has won multiple Chinese Nebula Awards for her writing as well as for her contributions to fandom. She is the cofounder of SF AppleCore and a council member of the World Chinese Science Fiction Association (WCSFA).

Regina has traveled widely in Europe and the US, introducing Chinese SF to international fans and pioneering links between Chinese fan groups and counterparts in other parts of the world. She has been a key member of multiple conventions across the globe (in fact, she has been officially adopted by Finnish SF fandom).