Paul Kohler - The Borrowed Souls, A Novel

“Yes. Not everything you see in that future will absolutely happen. It is an anticipated future that has a high probability of happening. I don’t think I’m qualified to tell you much more than that, so I’ll leave that up to Hauser to cover in your training.”

Penny nodded, then picked up the vial. “What does this do?” she asked, clearly intrigued by the silvery liquid contents.

“That is something that is quite precious. That is a virgin soul. In the event that you come across a soul that you feel deserves to continue living, once a change is made in their fate, you can use this soul as its replacement.”

“What do you mean ‘virgin’?”

“I know this is a lot of information to take in, and I’m really doing you a favor by telling you this all now. It took me six months to get all of this information myself. That being said, there are old souls and new souls. This is a new one, whereas old souls are reclaimed. That is what our job is, to collect souls. None of us own our souls—we only borrow them.”

“Wow, this is all really freakin’ blowing my mind,” Penny said, staring at the two soul boxes in my hands.

“These are what you collect the souls into. Each soul box has a name, and once you collect the soul, the box vanishes and is replaced with a new one. It’s all kinds of magical, but the intrigue will wear off I’m sure.”

“Wow, this is really a lot of information to take in. How long will I have to decide?”

“Well you’ve already died, so your soul is officially no longer yours. I either have to collect it now or you collect mine. In that event, you will become the new soul collector.”

“And that’s it? I take your soul, then I have the job? No interview or anything?”

I smiled. “Honestly, Penny, I’m not exactly sure how the Sentinel will react to this. When Wilson surrendered his soul in place of my own, my position in the afterlife had already been vetted by the high council, which is just a bunch of guys and gals up someplace making all the life-altering decisions. I’m certain this will blow their minds as soon as you show up for your next collection.”

“So you’re really just throwing me under the bus so you can get out?”

“Not entirely. Being a soul collector is a thankless job, but it really does have to be done. I do get that, but I just don’t think I’m cut out for it. I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I believe that you are.”

Penny and I sat in silence for several minutes. Finally, she reached into my hands and took the two soul boxes. She looked at the box with her name first, then the box with mine.

“Okay. What do I do?” Penny asked, her eyes bright and eager.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Once you take this on, Hauser and the Sentinel will expect a lot from you.”

“Like you said, I’ve already died, right? What’s my other choice? You take my soul and be rushed off to the great unknown? I think I’d like to give this a try at least,” Penny said. “Besides, if I end up not liking it, I’ll just follow in your footsteps. Who knows. Maybe we’ll see each other again sooner than you think. Yeah, I’m ready.”

“All right. I’m not exactly sure how this works on my end, but once you open a box, if there is a soul present, it will find its way in.”

“And you’re sure?” she asked. “You’re ready to end it all? No going back, right?”

I nodded and took a deep breath. I was more certain about this than I’d been about anything else since I died on that New York bus. Now as I sat next to Penny, my entire fate resting in the palms of her hands, I could only think about Cyndi. Would I see her again? Lord, I certainly hoped so.

“Well, Jack it was nice knowing you, as brief as it was,” she said and opened my soul box. When she turned it toward me, I exhaled uncontrollably. I felt as if I were in the vacuum of space as my last, dying breath was extricated from my body.

As the wisp of smoke exited my mouth, I began to re-experience my entire life in reverse. Images of every person I’d ever met flashed through my mind. No matter their impact on my soul, I recognized each and every one. As the years slipped by, the memories began to move increasingly faster. I re-experienced my parents’ funeral, but before any emotions could come, I witnessed them alive and full of vigor.

Then Cyndi came. I saw her images the most, and it pained me to see those memories fly by so quickly. I was able to see how happy we were together early on. Then our wedding. She was such a beautiful bride. Our courtship lasted mere seconds, while in life we’d dated for several years before even getting engaged. Finally, the day we met. That magical moment where she won my heart thankfully slowed down, even if minutely.

I relived my entire college days in a matter of moments. The late night study sessions, the frat parties, the binge drinking—all without any fanfare.

Then I was back in high school, middle school, elementary, and then preschool. All passing by in the blink of an eye. I watched myself take my first steps as a child, a smile as wide as the world is large.

At the end of my thirty-five yearlong replay, I looked at Penny one last time. Then the lights dimmed, fading out like the flame of a candle.

No sight—no sound—no smell. The darkness that enveloped me was total. I was weightless and free. Then, I noticed something in the distance… glowing faintly. The glimmer was small, but it began to build in size, practically imperceptible to the naked eye. Moment by moment, the light intensified and became more pronounced. If it hadn’t been for that strange brilliance, I would have been sure that I no longer existed.

The silence became overpowering when I realized that I could no longer hear my own heartbeat. The pulsing whump-whump in my inner ear was alarmingly silent. The unexpected tranquility was surprisingly disturbing.

This is what it’s like to be dead? I wondered. My mind was still present, but nearly every other one of my senses appeared to be absent. I’d try to reach out and feel something, but there was nothing near me to touch. Then again, if I could pick something up, how could I bring it to my mouth to taste? To my nose to smell? I couldn’t feel my hands.

As I continued to focus on the growing light, I waited. I waited for what I’d hoped was some kind of resolution to my life. I’d existed for thirty-five years among the living, and even more time in the afterlife. Now, here I was, at the precipice of something… I don’t know, something completely unknown, but entirely anticipated nonetheless. I had hope for only one thing—one particular soul to meet me in the end, and I feared that it would not come. I feared a tremendous disappointment in my uncharted future.

With the radiance ever expanding, I tried to look away. I tried to look down or around, but my vision was fixed. I could only focus on the growing light before me. I had no idea of the completeness of my existence. Did I have a body? Arms, legs? Anything? All I could do was stare forward, unaware of anything else.

Then, finally with the light source large enough to cast shadows, I saw a shape at the center of the expanding intensity. It began as a vertical line emanating from the bottom of the bloom. Slowly, it began to grow as the light itself did. Within moments, the sliver of darkness developed into a somewhat more pronounced shape.

The line began to spread at the base, and thicken as it rose up from the bottom edge. Near the top of its existence, it narrowed again, sharply. The outside edge became more apparent and I could begin to make out the hazy outline of what I’d guess was a person. Still, whatever was causing the shadow was a great deal away.