Paul Kohler - The Borrowed Souls, A Novel

I moved to the side of the bed, opposite of Wilma’s husband, and looked toward the doctor. He was barely visible over the draped cloth covering Wilma’s legs. Hauser, on the other hand, was completely visible. He stood directly behind the doctor, hunched over and looking up into the birth canal.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked.

“What? I find this all very exciting,” he said.

“Okay then, any idea on the sex of this child? Is this something we really need to be sticking around for?” I pleaded.

“And miss the birth of a new life? No sir, I’m staying right here,” he said, refocusing his attention between Wilma’s legs.

I shook my head and looked around the room for any indication of gender. Unfortunately, the room was bare of any form of congratulatory paraphernalia. I did, however, locate the medical chart lying on the table next to the bed. I attempted to open it, at least to the first page, but as Wilma’s husband continued to look in my direction, the chart wouldn’t budge.

As I continued to search the room for a sign, any indication, the doctor continued to give instructions to Wilma and her husband. Hauser remained stationary behind the doctor. After surrendering to the fact that we would have to wait for the birth to occur, I moved to Hauser’s side to see exactly what had captured his interest.

“Huh, this… isn’t quite what I was expecting to see,” I said as I peered over the doctor’s shoulder.

“It’s not like the doctor’s performing some kind of a gruesome autopsy on the woman, Jack. He’s helping her bring new life into this world. I think it’s quite beautiful.”

Within moments I could see the crown of the baby’s head between Wilma’s legs. Centimeter by centimeter, the newborn squeezed through the birth canal, and suddenly a brand-new baby boy was out and alive. The doctor expertly received the child and swiftly laid it atop the mother’s stomach. Then, one of the nurses handed the doctor a number of medical instruments for him to clamp and sever the umbilical cord. A minute later another nurse scooped up the newborn and presented it to the parents.

“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Coulter. I present you your son.”

Wilma took the quietly crying baby from the nurse and gently laid it across her chest. Then she looked up at her husband and said, “My God, honey. Isn’t he beautiful? What are we going to name him?”

The husband, who stood valiantly next to his wife, changed three shades of white. It was clear that he was overwhelmed with emotion.

“I think we should name him Neil, after your dad.”

“Yes. I’d like that. I only wish he was here to see this,” Wilma said between her own sobs of happiness.

Fighting back my own emotional outburst, I vanished from the room.

I popped back in the hallway right outside the most wonderful spectacle of life that I’d ever witnessed. I leaned against the wall and wiped my eyes dry before Hauser arrived.

“Wow. What a beautiful moment,” Hauser said, leaning against the wall next to me.

“Yeah, it was quite something.”

At that moment I knew, as sure as I’ve known anything else in my entire existence, I was not cut out for this job. How on earth was I going to be able to collect a soul from a newborn baby after witnessing that?

“I understand, kid, but it’s not our choice,” Hauser said, answering my thoughts.

“But how can you say that after what we just saw?” I asked, pushing myself away from the wall. I paced back and forth in front of Hauser before I continued. “I mean, that was… extraordinary.”

“I agree, Jack, but some things are out of our control.”

“Can’t we save him? Like I did with Noah? And like you’ve done numerous times in the past, on your own?”

Hauser fell into stride beside me and we continued walking down the hallway. “Listen, Jack. Just because you were able to make a change with Noah doesn’t mean that you can make a change for everyone. Not all souls can be saved. And trust me when I tell you this, some souls are better off dying.”

Hauser’s words stung like a swarm of bees. “How can you say that? Isn’t every life precious?”

“Well, according to you, only the good people should live and the bad people should die. Isn’t that what you tried to tell me just a couple weeks ago?”

“Jesus, Hauser, why do you always have to throw that shit back in my face? You know what I mean here. This child, this Calvin, hasn’t even had a chance to live and here we are, ready to take his soul without question. Don’t you think there’s something a little bit demented about that?”

“Relax, Jack. There are reasons why we do our job without question—”

“And I’m questioning it. I don’t think this is right, to take this life away from loving parents. Losing a child at birth is going to decimate their lives. And I won’t be any part of it.”

“Come now. Be reasonable about this—”

“No. I am being reasonable. I refuse to collect the soul,” I stated firmly and walked away. As I neared the adjacent corridor, I vanished.

When I appeared at my bench, all I could think about was how unfair life really was. Over the years I’d heard from many people about the magic of childbirth. I’d heard about how wonderful and life-changing the event really was. But without ever experiencing it firsthand, I’d always assumed that those people were exaggerating greatly. Now, after witnessing just a single childbirth firsthand, I knew that assumption couldn’t be further from the truth. For as long as Cyndi and I had wanted children, I’d never really considered what it really was that we desired. I’d assumed what we wanted was something to love and raise as our own. Throughout all of those conversations with Cyndi, never once had I given thought to what it really meant to bring life into the world. Witnessing that childbirth would forever stain my mind. My soul. And if the Sentinel expected anything different from me, we were going to have a problem.

As I sat alone, contemplating the situation, Hauser appeared in front of me. He stood, his feet shoulder width apart and his hands on his hips. He glared down at me as a disappointed father might. I stared back and uncontrollably rolled my eyes.

“What’s going on, Jack?” Hauser asked. “One minute you’re fine, and then the next you storm off like a child that didn’t get his way.”

“Well I guess I didn’t really know what I was signing up for when I took Wilson’s soul. I’m sorry, but I never really asked for this.”

“No, I suppose you didn’t. But the fact of the matter is, you accepted Wilson’s offer, and according to the Sentinel you are expected to carry out that responsibility.” Hauser’s stare relented slightly as he sat down next to me. “What we have, Jack, is a responsibility. Yes, it’s a difficult proposition, but it really is quite spectacular, what we do. We’ve been given the opportunity to maintain the balance of humankind. Whether you see it like that or not is totally up to you.”

“But what about Noah? How was saving his soul even possible? How is that keeping the balance? You and I both know perfectly well that what I did there was the right thing to do.”

“Jack, I don’t know that. And how can you? For all we know, Noah might turn out to be wife-beating baby rapist—”

“Stop it. Just stop. Based on everything that we’ve witnessed so far in his life, I made the absolute right decision. And there’s nothing you can do to take that away from me.” I turned away from Hauser, hoping to screen my thoughts. Talking about Noah had brought up the thought of changing yet another soul’s future.

“Jack, you can’t. Just because you were able to save Noah does not entitle you to save every single soul that you come across. Sometimes, you just have to do your job—without question. You are not judge and jury, and neither am I. We cannot continue in this godlike way.”