Paul Kohler - The Borrowed Souls, A Novel

“Do all dogs have to get their insides looked at?” Katie asked.

Noah smiled. “Most of them do, here in the city. It’s just the right thing to do if we want them to have a happy, healthy life.”

Noah led Katie along the outskirts of the park, heading for their apartment. It was a very seasonal afternoon, with the temperature in the mid 80s. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Ahead of them and to the right, several hundred geese foraged in an open field. It wasn’t uncommon to see such a large gaggle at this time a year.

On the far side of the grazing flock, a man played fetch with a mature golden retriever. The man tossed the yellow tennis ball high into the air a dozen yards away. The retriever chased after it, catching the ball midflight before returning it back to his master. Noah and Katie watched with amusement as the game was repeated several times, until the man overthrew the ball slightly and the retriever missed the midair catch. The ball bounced on the ground, launching it toward the grazing flock of geese, and the retriever chased after it. On the second bounce, the ball struck a sprinkler head, launching it directly into the middle of the flock. The retriever barreled forward in chase. Katie began to giggle as the first few birds took flight. Within moments, however, she stopped laughing as the entire gaggle followed suit, rising up into the air and directly toward her and Noah.

The birds continued to rise, and some of them, lower than the others, nearly collided with her balloon. Katie screamed and ducked, dropping her ice cream and releasing the balloon at the same time.

“My balloon!” she yelled.

Noah ducked momentarily but looked up in time to reach out and grab at the string. Unfortunately his timing was a split second too late, and the balloon drifted farther from his reach. The downflow of air caused by the fleeing birds’ wings caused the balloon to remain low. Noah lurched forward, trying to grasp at the fluttering string again, but his timing was off once again. It was clear that he’d get only one more chance at it before it was lost. He took a step off the curb in chase. As his fingers firmly closed on the string, he smiled toward Katie, only to see a look of terror fill her eyes. A second later, a city bus smashed into Noah, launching him several yards through the air. He landed so horrifically, the bus driver averted his eyes as the single red balloon drifted skyward.

“Rewind,” I said, not believing my eyes.

The scene began to play forward again, starting at the moment Katie released the balloon.

“Rewind.”

Life reversed further, and the dog had just burst into the flock of birds.

“Rewind.”

Further back, and the retriever had just caught the ball. I continued to watch the entire scene play out again. The man throwing the ball. The high bounce. The first of the birds taking flight. The rest of the flock following. The balloon being released. Noah chasing after.

“Pause,” I said as the bus was about to ram into Noah. I walked forward and noticed that the driver had been looking into his rearview mirror and not paying attention to the street ahead of him. That, in combination with Noah looking away from the flow of traffic, spelled a horrific outcome. And the worst part was that Katie, a mere ten feet away, had to witness the entire incident.

“Play.”

The bus hit Noah with such force that his body flew forward nearly fifteen feet. He landed headfirst, driving his shoulder awkwardly sideways. His spine snapped over, his body folding backward unnaturally.

The grotesqueness made me cringe, and all I could think about was Katie. She stood at the edge of the curb as the bus driver slammed on his brakes, narrowly hitting the gnarled body of her dead father. She screamed at the top of her lungs but remained on the curb. The morbidly curious pedestrians neared the scene, and several bent over to retch. Within moments the crowd had grown large, and the well-meaning strangers moved forward to assist if they could, walking past Katie. Nobody paid any attention to the crying child as she remained at the edge of the sidewalk.

I let go of the rosary and was brought back to Noah’s apartment. The moment I regained my bearings, I vanished back to my park bench.

Images of Noah’s body crashing into the pavement continued to replay in my mind, overwhelming me with emotion as I paced around. All I could think was how unfair life really was. I wished that I would’ve listened to Hauser’s warning about not getting too attached. But I knew it was far too late for that. As I circled the park bench once more, I realized that it wasn’t just Noah that I had become attached to but his entire family.

“Shit,” I yelled.

I could feel my cheeks burn, anger fuming deep inside me. Poor Katie would forever live an altered life after witnessing the freak accident.

“But Katie hasn’t witnessed anything yet,” Hauser said, startling me back to the present.

“Sonofabitch,” I exclaimed. “What?”

“I heard your thoughts, and you’re only half right.”

“What? I don’t follow,” I said, sitting down next to Hauser.

“Katie would have challenges coping with witnessing her father’s death. You said… I mean, you thought that she would live an altered life after witnessing what she just did. But it hasn’t happened yet.”

“Semantics. You know what I meant,” I snapped.

Hauser’s eyes narrowed as he nodded slowly. “Suppose you’re right. Want to tell me how it happened? I’m sorry, what is going to happen?

I exhaled and leaned back. “Yeah, sure. I went back to the Claytons’ apartment and jumped forward twenty-four hours. I was right at the edge of my limits, and Noah and Katie were walking by the park. They had just taken the dog in to the vet’s office and Noah was treating Katie to a balloon and ice cream. As they walked along the sidewalk, a flock of birds startled Katie and she let go of her balloon. Noah chased after it, stepping into the street, directly in the path of a city bus.”

Hauser winced at my description. “Well, if it’s any consolation, it sounds like he didn’t suffer. I’m sorry, at least he won’t suffer.”

“Yeah, I suppose. But the part that really got me was seeing the look of fear on Katie’s face. No one should have to witness such a horrific accident so close, let alone one involving a parent.” I leaned forward and rested my face in the palms of my hands. I wanted to undo what I had just seen.

Hauser looked at his watch. “You said you were at the outside limits?” he asked.

I lifted my face and peered at him. “Yeah. Why do you ask?”

Hauser stowed his watch and looked about the park. After a moment of silence, he said, “Oh, no reason, really.”

“Jesus, Hauser, why is it that all of these good people die so helplessly? I mean Noah was a good person—”

“You mean is a good person?”

I nodded. “Okay, I get it. You don’t have to continue to point out my tenses,” I said. “He is a good father, a good husband, and he was just plain doing things right. How is it that his life can be taken away so easily while there are bad people that can continue living their bad lives at the same time?”

“So you’re wondering why we don’t have the ability to play God? Is that what you’re asking?” Hauser said.

“Wait, what? No. I don’t want to play God. I just think it’s completely unfair that good people die when they shouldn’t, while bad people continue to live.”

“You want to play God. I get that,” Hauser said.

I thought about his words for a moment. “Well? Is it that bad that I want to make positive changes?”

“No, it’s not. And trust me, you’re not the first one to have these thoughts. Every new collector has had similar reactions on the matter. And that’s where I come in. I’m here to remind you that it’s not our position, our duty, to dictate who lives and who dies. The balance of humanity is much larger than just you and I could ever imagine. Don’t you remember just a few weeks ago when we were in the ghetto?” Hauser asked.