Терри Биссон - The Left Left Behind

Not tobacco.

True. What’s that sweet hemp smell? A little maryjane?

The Negro has a documented weakness for the devil weed.

Negro yourself. I learned to smoke marijuana from white folks. I was in show business, remember? But of course you do. You forget nothing.

WILL runs and gets a joint from the two smoking on the steps. Offers it to ROBESON.

Want a hit?

Not while he’s around. It’s for relaxing— with friends. (pulls out a pack of cigarettes) I could do with a light, I suppose.

You’ll get cancer!

Darling, let me tell you…

It’s OK, I guess. They’re from another era. When everybody did it.

Not everybody. Eleanor, FDR’s wife, didn’t smoke.

She sneaked them. Sneaked other things, too. You were all a bunch of sneaks.

And you were the tattle-tale. The teacher’s pet.

The teacher, you mean.

You wish, you pudgy little troll.

Gentlemen, please! (to the young people) Don’t let us distract you. I know you have work to do. Your protest. Justice in Palestine. Certainly. And what else?

And Iraq. The US is occupying Iraq.

They invaded for the oil!

Invasion? What about the UN? They were especially set up to stop such things.

The UN? Well, uh….

What about the Soviet Union? They surely will not allow such international capitalist piracy to go unpunished.

There is no Soviet Union. Not any more.

ROBESON drops his cigarette. Picks it up.

Say that again.

The Soviet Union sort of fell apart. It’s gone.

Now there’s just Russia, and Ukraine.

And Lithuania, and Chechnya, and—

No Soviet Union? No wonder the world’s in such a mess. This is worse than I ever imagined.

Now instead of the war on Communism we have the war on Terrorism. It justifies everything, including the Patriot Act.

At least someone is still on their toes.

On our toes, you mean. So this Patriot Act, this last refuge of scoundrels, justifies spying on people, restricting travel, arrests without warrants, wiretaps…

How’d you know?

A lucky guess. Dear girl, I know these scoundrels. They did the same to me. Took away my passport, restricted my movements, slandered me in the press. They did the same thing to Dr. EINSTEIN here.

Suspected of sympathizing with Communists.

Sympathizing is all. I never would have made much of a communist, I fear. And they weren’t nearly as hard on me as they were on you, Paul.

Because you played Santa Claus. The sweet old man. But I was onto you! I tried to let the American people know your true nature.

What? That I believed in human rights? International justice?

Harrumph. There’s no such thing. There’s just communism and freedom.

Today it’s terrorism and freedom.

It’s true, though. They went easier on me.

You had a Nobel Prize. And a white face. You weren’t a Negro. That always helps.

Unfortunately, yes.

Let me get this straight. Are you two complaining because you were repressed? Or bragging because you were repressed?

Both, you addled old fool. I would have been ashamed not to have been hated by you and your kind.

Me too, J. Edgar. Nothing personal. It’s a question of values.

Commie values, you mean. But what do I care. Look around. Clearly your deluded kind is still in a minority. Kids in funny outfits, protesting this and that! The fact that they are still protesting proves that we are still in charge.

When were the good and the brave ever in the majority? That’s from Thoreau.

Who’s Thoreau? Sounds French. I’m talking about American values. Besides, the police are on their way.

The police? How do you know?

Just a feeling (grins, brushing cigar ashes off his dress) In my bones.

It may be true. I just got a call from downtown, Nassau Street. Said the cops were doing pre-emptive raids all over town, trying to stop the demonstrations.

Does that mean they’ll be coming here?

A sound policy indeed. Stop trouble before it starts.

We’re supposed to have a right to demonstrate. They can’t stop us from demonstrating.

They will try, young lady. It’s in their nature. Albert, is there anything we can do to help?

I don’t know. I’m thinking…

Suddenly a BOOMING sound is heard. Someone is banging on the door in the high board fence, Stage Right.

Open up! This is the police!

They all look at one another in alarm. HOOVER is smiling.

SAME SCENE. The BOOMING on the door continues. All are transfixed, watching the door in the board fence shake and shudder.

WILL pinches out his joint and looks for a place to put it. ROBESON takes it from his hand.

ANNIE runs up the stairs and into the house. The BOOMING at the door in the fence continues.

Open up, now! Open up, in the name of the law!

They’re out front too! SWAT Teams everywhere.

Protesters run around, picking up kids, puppets, signs; milling in confusion. EINSTEIN pulls out his watch and studies it thoughtfully.

Let them in, before they break down Fred’s fence.

They’ll arrest us all! They’ll hold us on phony charges till the protest is ruined!

And well they should.

Maybe not. Slip out past them. They won’t see you.

You can do that?

I can try. Differential time-slip—

The door BURSTS OPEN and four COPS rush in, in helmets with face masks, plastic shields. They look like robots.

Nobody moves! You are all under arrest!

The cops search the yard, unable to see the activists who are gathering up their things and slipping out the door in the fence.