Tabitha Chirrick - Overshadowed

“Not well,” she said finally.

“You’re stressed.”

Tayel nodded.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, you know — to the mothership. Once it’s taken down, getting to the Delta shuttle will be easier.” Shy stared at the floor. “Safer.”

“But I have to help. I mean, I want to help.”

Tayel’s breath caught as Shy turned toward her. A long white bandage stood out against her face, from her ear to her chin.

“Are you okay?” Tayel asked. “I mean, after yesterday. I’m sorry — with everything happening last night I didn’t have time to…”

“Of course I’m okay.”

Tayel gave a short laugh. “Tch. Of course .” She sighed. “I guess I understand why you’d be hesitant about me storming the mothership. I want to help the Varg and your brother and Jace, but I’m not good at fighting, or sneaking, or any of this. I’m not like you.”

“I’m not suggesting you don’t go, Tayel. I only want you to know you have a choice.” Shy clasped her hands together. “And you’ve come far. Think about it. You’ve stolen fuel from a council-certified site, distracted an entire squad of armed guards so I could pluck an FTL drive out of a ship, endured an aether burn, fought off a Rokkir and her henchmen in the woods in the dark , and took out a couple fighters in that dog fight last night. You’re better at this than you think.”

Tayel flicked her eyes to the other girl’s face, but Shy didn’t wear an inkling of jest. The vote of confidence caught her off guard.

“You think?” she asked.

“I do.” Shy’s thoughtful expression turned wry. “Although, your penchant for nobly sacrificing yourself for Jace is a mark against you. As far as survival odds go.”

“Oh come on. I’m sure you’d do the same for your best friend. Your brother, at least.”

“Locke — I’d do anything for Locke.” She frowned. “But I’ve never had any friends. Not really.”

“Uh-huh.”

Shy scowled. “I grew up royalty.”

“Gotta be lots of friends in that,” Tayel chided.

“ Raider royalty. I was schooled privately every day of my life, raised out of the public, kept inside the den… The one friend other than Locke I had is” — she stiffened — “not important. Not in my life anymore. And that was a fluke. In those conditions, what real friends could I have possibly made? I was just stuck there. Alone. Never even left Sinos.”

Tayel’s disbelief evaporated at Shy’s distant stare.

“When a raider recruit turns sixteen, they’re supposed to join a mission. Earn your gear and stripes and some xite like that. It’s a rite of passage. Even if it’s something stupid — something small, like following up on a late payment or harassing ‘contributions’ out of Sandport’s merchants.

When Locke turned sixteen, he went to the Asgard system sixty light years away to negotiate supply chains with a core system corsair outlet. Didn’t come back for eight months. When I turned sixteen, I…” She groaned. “I was given access to the ship bay… so I could tinker on junkers. With supervision. Father didn’t let me do anything — go anywhere. I just sat in our base, training, fighting — for what? I remember staring at planets for hours on vidscreens because I thought I would never see them in person.” Shy snorted. “Pathetic isn’t it?”

“No,” Tayel said.

No, and you’re strong and beautiful and perfect, and I felt stuck just like you did all my life and I understand , she wanted to stay, but it all caught inside her. All the time Tayel spent staring at flexi-screens, staring at landscapes for hours just wishing she could be anywhere else but Delta — and there was Shy — a billion miles away, looking at the same pictures, hoping for the same things. To get out, to see the universe, to not be stagnant anymore.

Maybe it was the lack of rest, but a light, airy feeling filled Tayel’s chest as Shy met her stare. All the bad timing Tayel worried about before didn’t seem to matter anymore. In this room with no windows and no clocks and just Shy, gazing back, Tayel had forever.

“Shy.” Her throat squeezed around the name. “I think I—”

A grating creak erupted to her right, and she froze, all her muscles rigid as her pulse sped along her neck. Shy’s gaze rolled to Jace’s cot.

“W-what time is it?” Jace’s groggy voice echoed in the dark. “Is everything okay?”

Tayel blew out a gush of air, and the pressure in her chest subsided.

Shy grimaced as she stood. “Everything’s fine, bird brain. Here to wake you two up. The rations pack are cooking breakfast, and there’s time for a bath if you want it. Oh, and a seamstress made you both snow gear.”

“Oh.” Jace smoothed out his head feathers with his talons. “Where’s Fehn?”

“Couldn’t sleep. He joined my insomniac brother last night to tinker with the shield prototype.”

“Is it going well?” Tayel asked. Her voice strained, nerves still tightening her vocal chords.

Shy shrugged. “You’ll have to ask them. Come on, I’ll take you two to the bathing rooms; they’re a little ways down the hall.”

Tayel scooted Jace ahead, following after him and Shy through the furs over the exit. She winced — one part due to the relative brightness of the hall, one part due to embarrassment. Shy must have been so relieved when Jace woke up. She couldn’t stand up fast enough.

“Men’s room is here,” Shy said. “One of the Varg can give you directions to the dining room when you’re done.”

Jace blinked slowly, his feathers bristling along his neck as he turned to trudge through the curtain of furs. “Okay. See you both there.”

“Women’s room is just ahead.” Shy led the way to the next curtain.

“Thanks,” Tayel said, but Shy’s hand closed around her wrist before she could take a second step.

“Tayel, listen.”

A stone dropped in Tayel’s stomach. Nothing good ever happened after someone told her to ‘listen’.

“There is a lot going on right now,” Shy said.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have…” Her ability to speak vanished as Shy’s hand slid down her wrist to hold her hand. Her heart thudded to a standstill. Heat rose to her cheeks.

“Don’t misunderstand. I want to talk more — when all this is done.”

“When all what is done?” Tayel blurted, her voice cracking with anticipation.

Shy grinned like she was suppressing a laugh.

“What?” Tayel asked. “What did I—?”

“Not long, okay?” Shy’s hand slid away, but her smile remained. “Go take a bath. I’ll meet you in the dining room when you’re done.”

Tayel watched her departure all the way until Shy turned the corner out of sight, the feeling of her touch still warm in Tayel’s palm.

Alightness settled in Tayel’s chest as she picked through the wooden crate of rock salts beside the tub. Her conversation with Shy replayed over and over through her thoughts, and it took scanning the unfamiliar Varg word on a label three times before she snapped to and realized she didn’t know the language.

“Pull it together,” she muttered to herself.

It didn’t matter exactly what she smelled like anyway. Anything would beat sweat and dirt. She unscrewed a jar and sprinkled the light blue rocks inside over the bath. A salty, floral tang dispersed through the steam.

Tayel peered around to the other side of the tub. The white winter clothes the seamstress had made for her sat folded on a nearby stool, but there weren’t any towels — not even a curtain to conceal her. Half a dozen Varg bathed and brushed themselves throughout the rest of the room, growling at each other conversationally. One walked, dripping wet, to a corner lined in torches and shook, a spasm rocketing from her head to her tail until all her fur had fluffed.