Robert Asprin - M.Y.T.H. Inc In Action

"But what does that ..."

"... and since Skeeve ... and through him, all of you ... are now on the Mob's payroll as employees, your presence here is breakin' my word. Capish?"

"I see," Tananda sez, glancin' over at us with new understandin'. "But tell me, Don Bruce, if the Mob isn't operating in this kingdom, then what are you doing taking protection money from merchants like Frumple? In fact, what are you doing here at all?"

This is a good question, and one which has not occurred to me ... though I suspect I know the answer. The Don has enough grace to look a little embarrassed, though, when he gives it.

"All this is from before I gave my word," he sez. "I never said we was going to give up the operations we already had in place."

"Hmmm ..." Tananda frowns, "it sounds like a pretty fine distinction to me."

Of course, the Mob makes a lot of money from such fine distinctions ... but this does not seem like the time to bring it up.

"That may be," Don Bruce sez, his voice hardenin' up again. "But it's beside the point. I'm still waiting to hear what you're doing here!"

"Oh that," Tananda smiles. "Well, you see ... umm ..."

Though Tananda is no slouch at Dragon Poker and is actin' very confident, I can see she is stuck and trying to bluff.

"Relax, Tananda," Nunzio sez, speakin' for the first time since we came in. "I can explain it."

"You can?" I sez, slippin' a bit in my surprise.

"Sure," my cousin insists, lookin' at me hard like he does when I'm supposed to be ready to provide him with an alibi.

"All right, Nunzio," Don Bruce sez, settlin' back against the bar, "start talking."

"Well, you see, Don Bruce," Nunzio sez, "the Boss is unhappy with the agreement you referenced regarding the Mob's relationship with Possiltum."

"Oh he is, is he?" the Don snarls, but Nunzio holds up a hand and continues.

"The way it is." he sez, "is the Boss figures that circumstances have arisen which neither of you took into account in the original negotiation ... specifically, the new expansion policy that's pushing the borders out."

"Go on," Don Bruce sez, but he's nodding now.

"The spirit of your agreement was that the Mob wouldn't infringe on the kingdom's territory, but the way if s going, the kingdom is pushing into the Mob's territory. What's more, the letter of your agreement is keeping the Mob from protecting what's ours."

"So I noticed," the Don sez, sarcastic-Iike.

"Now, the Boss doesn't think this is right. What's more, he feels personally responsible since it was his sloppy negotiating for the kingdom that has placed you in this predicament. The problem is that as he is now working for the Mob and not for the kingdom, he is not in a position to renegotiate the terms to make things right again."

"Yeah," Don Bruce sez thoughtful-like, "I can see that."

"Now, you may not know it, Don Bruce," Nunzio continues, "but the Boss thinks the world of you and would never do anything to hurt you or your reputation. Because of this, and because he feels responsible for your current difficulties, he has taken it upon himself to correct the situation by mounting a covert operation to halt the kingdom's expansion. In fact, the reason he has been keeping this secret from you is for a little extra insurance. This way, if anything goes wrong, you can swear under oath that you knew nothing about it, and certainly never took a hand or gave an order against Possiltum. What he's doing, Don Bruce, is setting himself up to be a scapegoat ... all to take the pressure off you!"

While I am occasionally less than complimentary when referrin' to Nunzio's long-winded tendencies, there are times when I am truly grateful for his talent for shovelin' ... like now. Even bein' as aware as I am of the truth of the matter, that the Boss has probably overlooked his agreement with Don Bruce completely when givin' us this assignment, I am not sure I could separate fact from guff in my cousin's rendition, even with the aid of a pry bar.

"That Skeeve!" Don Bruce laughs, hittin' the bar with his fist in his enthusiasm. "Can you see why I love him? He's really trying to do all this on his own ... just for me? I'll tell you, boys ..."

He glances around, then hunches forward before continuin'.

"You have no idea how much grief the other Mob bosses have been giving me because of that agreement. Especially the boss of the Island Mob."

"You mean Don Ho?" I sez.

"That's right," Don Bruce nods. "Even the boss of the senior citizens' Mob ... Don Amechie! They've all been on my case. I'm just surprised that Skeeve was aware of it. I keep telling you, that boy's got real promise. You know what an organization as big as ours needs the most?"

"Leadership," Nunzio and me answer at the same time.

"Lead ... Hey! That's right!" the Don sez, blinkin' at us in surprise. "You know, you boys have been shaping up pretty well yourselves since you started working for Skeeve. Maybe I should start giving some thought to setting you up with your own operations."

It occurs to me that this promotion thing is gettin' totally out of hand.

"Ummm ... We're pretty happy with things the way they are, Don Bruce." I sez, quick-like.

"Yeah," Nunzio chimes in. "We figure the way things are going, the Boss is gonna need all the help we can give him."

"Hmmm ... I suppose you're right," the Don sez, makin' us both a little uncomfortable with how unwillin' he seems to give up the idea of advancin' us in the ranks. "Tell you what, though, like Skeeve says, I can't take an open hand in this thing you got going, but if you want I can assign a few boys to give you a hand!"

A picture flits across my mind. A picture of me tryin' to sleep, much less operate, with Snake loiterin' about in the near vicinity.

"I ... don't think so," I sez. "we're pretty used to workin' with the crew we got already. Besides, any of the boys you assigned to us would have to enlist ... and there's no guarantee where they'd get assigned."

"... And most of them would quit before they'd be seen in public in those outfits you're wearing," Don Bruce laughs, winkin' at Tananda. "Yeah. You got a point."

Me and Nunzio force smiles, which is as close as we can manage to joining in the merriment.

"Well, be sure to let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

"Sure, Don Bruce."

"Thanks, Don Bruce."

"Oh yeah! One more thing. How's Bunny doing?"

"Bunny?" Tananda sez, comin' off the bar like a prizefighter. "That little ..."

"Sure! You remember Bunny," I interrupts quicklike. "Don Bruce's niece who's workin' with us?"

"Oh! Right!" Tananda blinks, and settles back again. "She's working out real well, Don Bruce," Nunzio supplies hurriedly. "In fact, right now she's holding down our office while we're out in the field."

"Yeah, right," Don Bruce waves. "But how is she getting along with Skeeve?"

Even though we can maybe snow him from time to time, the Don is pretty quick, and he catches our hesitation and glances at Tananda.

"Say ... you aren't interested in Skeeve yourself, are you. Miss Tananda?"

Tananda thinks for a second, then wrinkles her nose.

"Not really," she sez. "I guess he's kind of like a kid brother to me."

"I see," Don Bruce nods. "Well, as a favor to me, could you take Bunny under your wing, too? She likes to talk tough and comes on like she's real experienced and worldly, but inside she's still just a kid. Know what I mean?"

In response, Tananda just nods slow-like. To my eye, she seems less than thrilled with the idea ... especially after hearin' how serious Don Bruce takes promises.

"You know how the Boss is when it comes to dames," I sez, quick-like. "Slower'n a bail bondsman what's been stung three times runnin'."

I am tryin' to draw attention away from Tananda, but the Don is ignorin' me and starin' at her instead.