Orson Card - Magic Street

"Can't get a straight answer into a crooked mind," said Puck.

"What do you mean by that?" demanded Mack.

"I mean the only time you believe me is when I lie."

Grand Harrison spoke up again. "If he can suck our wishes out of us, why can't you use us mortals in your fairy circle?"

"And that's really starting to bother me," said Puck, rising to his feet. "What do you know about fairy circles?"

"It's how you do truly great magicks. You bring together a bunch of fairies and they form a circle and all of the power of all the fairies in the circle becomes part of the great thing you're trying to do."

"And you learned this where?" asked Yo Yo.

"The Blue Book of Fairy Tales," said Grand. "Or the Red one. Or whatever."

"Not in those books," said Puck.

"Stay on topic, Puckaroo," said Yo Yo.

"If I had any real power, she'd drop dead when she called me that," said Puck. Then he grinned at Yolanda. "Just kidding, darling."

"Fairy circle," said Ceese. "Grand's idea."

"It might work," said Yo Yo. "Except we don't know just how much of him he's put into his pony. If it's all there, except for the part that is Mack—then we could do it using a fairy circle made of mortals. But if part of him is here in this world, and part of him in Fairyland, that would be like lassoing a one-inch-thick snake with a lariat that won't get any skinnier than two inches in diameter."

"Will this be on the geometry test?" asked Mack.

"So to do a fairy circle in order to confine him long enough for us to get free, you have to find out where he is, exactly," said Ceese. "And in order to find out where he is, you need—let me guess—Mack, because he is Oberon. Sort of."

"That's right," said Yo Yo.

"Only Mack doesn't know it," said Ceese.

Puck suddenly had a moustache and twirled it. "Little does he know..." The moustache disappeared when everybody looked at him and nobody laughed.

"So how you going to get your counterword and your information out of a guy who doesn't actually know the things you think he knows?" asked Ceese.

"He's seventeen!" said Ceese.

"It's the time-honored tradition," said Grand. "Fairy queen needs to find out something from a mortal. She gets him into Fairyland, boffs his brains out, and then he just won't go away. Mortal stalks her until she takes pity on him and makes him forget."

"Blue Fairy Book or Red?" asked Mack.

"He's just making this up," said Puck.

"I'm a folklorist," said Grand. "Amateur. Started with slave narratives and slave magic beliefs.

Then I branched out. I never thought it was real."

"If you think this is real," said Puck.

"Shut the Puck up," said Yo Yo.

"Ha ha," said Puck. "Aren't we the class clown."

"But you've got to do it all at once," said Grand, "which is impossible. Because you can't use the fairy circle to bind him unless you two fairies are in control of it, and you can't get control of it till you're reunited with your imprisoned selves. And you can't be liberated until the fairy circle has distracted him."

"Plus I ain't sleeping with you," said Mack.

Both Puck and Yo Yo looked at him like he was crazy. "Everybody wants to sleep with her," said Puck.

"Not me," said Mack.

"Yes you do," said Yo Yo. "You think I don't know?"

"Oh, I want to," said Mack. "But I don't want to."

"Try English this time," said Puck.

"I want to sleep with her but I don't choose to sleep with her."

Yo Yo was on her feet in an instant. "Why not? What's wrong with me? I have never had a mortal turn me down!"

"Because I'm not sleeping with a girl I'm not married to," said Mack.

"Wow," said Ceese. "You don't hear that very much."

"Yeah, but I'm not sure how much of that is voluntary and how much is inadvertent."

Puck giggled and spoke to Mack. "So you want to get married?"

"She's already married," said Ceese.

"It doesn't matter," said Yo Yo.

"It does to me," said Mack.

"I mean, it doesn't matter that I'm married to Oberon. You are Oberon. So I could sleep with you right now."

"Oberon and you might be married, but I'm not Oberon," said Mack. "And we're not married."

Ceese tried to summarize it. "So this all comes down to, Mack gets it on with Yolanda White here, you find out what you need to know, then all the other stuff happens at once."

"That's it," said Yo Yo.

"Including a fairy circle," said Ceese.

"If the neighbors might be willing to cooperate."

"We form your fairy circle," said Grand, "will that make these horrible wishes stop?"

"It would give me and Puck the power we need, if there are enough of you."

"And we got to get all those people into this house?" asked Grand.

"No, dear no," said Yo Yo. "Mortals' wishes have no power in Fairyland. Especially not here in this passageway. No, the fairy circle has to be in the mortal world."

"But you're imprisoned in Fairyland," said Mack.

"Right," said Puck. "Why do you think we haven't already worked this out with some other neighborhood long ago?"

"You haven't worked it out with this neighborhood, either," said Ceese. "You got a long way to go before most of these folks willing to cross the street for Miz Yolanda."

"You haven't worked any of it out," said Mack. "Including the part where you sleep with me just to get information. It's like some bad World War One movie. What was that musical one with Julie Andrews and Rock Hudson?"

"Who are they?" asked Ceese.

see Mary Poppins do a striptease."

"I wouldn't mind," said Puck.

"I'm not going to lie with a woman I'm not married to," said Mack.

"That one heavy Bible-reading boy there," said Puck.

"Good for you, Mack Street," said Grand.

"Queen of the fairies wants to sleep with you," said Ceese, "and you saying no?"

"I'm saying, Marry me," said Mack.

"Whatever," said Yo Yo.

It infuriated Mack that she dismissed him so easily. "Marry me and mean it."

"I meant it the first time I married you," said Yo Yo impatiently. "Isn't that enough?"

"You never married me," said Mack. He got up and walked out the front door.

"Oh good," said Ceese. "Now how are we going to get home?"

"You don't need his help to get out, you boneheaded mortal," said Puck with a cheery smile.

"Only to get in."

"Why is that?" asked Grand.

"Because that's the world you come from," said Yo Yo. "The world of the street out there. It's where you belong. You can always go home."

"So does that mean Mack belongs in our world, too?" asked Ceese.

Yo Yo patted his hand. "You such a sweet boy, Ceese. Still looking out for your little Mack Street. That boy lives in both worlds. He lives in both worlds all the time."

"You mean when he's in Fairyland, he's walking around here, too?" said Ceese. "I'm surprised he wasn't hit by a car."

"I mean he casts a shadow in both worlds. He makes a footprint."

Puck snorted. "That boy barely is a footprint. Doesn't even make it up to shadow."

"He's more than a shadow," said Ceese. "He's the best kid in the world."

Ceese turned away from him and spoke to Yolanda. "I don't want him to marry you."

"Like I said, I don't care either way. I just got to know what's going on with my husband."

"I know a lot of people slept with a lot of other people and still don't know squat about any of them."

"Ceese,' said Yolanda. "Didn't you ever wonder why the Queen of the Fairies kept wanting to sleep with wandering minstrels and farmboys? In all those fairy tales?"

"Same reason white women always want to sleep with black men," said Ceese.

"Poor boy," said Yolanda. "When mortals hook up like that, they don't even know each other's bodies. It ain't even carnal knowledge. But when I hook up with somebody, I know everything, I see everything. I even know stuff they don't know they know. It's all mine. That's what I love."