Orson Card - Songmaster

Yet now Josif's actions made sense. If he really believed that, then it made a perverse sort of sense for him to have resisted his own desire for Ansset for so long, for him to have avoided becoming friends with Ansset, knowing what it would cost him if it ever became more than friendship.

Where's Efrim? Ansset asked.

I left him in Caernarvon with the wife of the minister of information.

Josif still loves you, Ansset said.

She looked at him and tried to smile in agreement. But her heart wasn't in it. Josif was in the custody of Imperial Security, and it had happened because he had done the thing he had said would mean the end of them. And what about Efrim?

There's always the contract, Kyaren said, and wept. Ansset put his arms around her, held her head against his chest. He was surprised to realize that he was taller than Kyaren now. He was growing up. Soon he would be a man. He wondered what that would mean. Surely he could not have more required of him as an adult than had been required of him as a child. There could not be more.

10

Riktors received them in the great hall.

There were no guards. Only the ferret. But Ansset and Kyaren knew that he was guard enough.

The Mayor of the palace brought them in, but at Riktors's nod, he left. Kyaren was keenly aware of the tension in the air. None was visible from Ansset, but Kyaren knew that didn't mean anything. Control still served him when he needed it, usually. And the tension in Riktors was clear. Kyaren had not seen the man close up. He had the imperial presence, the mood about him so that no one dared oppose him. Yet he also seemed afraid. As if Ansset held a weapon that could hurt him, and he was terrified that it would be used.

She knew they had not seen each other in two years. Knew, also, from her conversations with Ansset that they had not parted on friendly terms. Yet they outwardly seemed pleased to see each other, and Kyaren did not think it was all a sham.

I've missed you, Riktors said.

And I you, Ansset answered.

My servants tell me that you've done very well

Better than I had expected, not as well as I had hoped, Ansset said.

Come here, Riktors said.

Ansset walked forward, came within a few meters of the throne, and knelt, touching his head to the floor. Impatiently, Riktors motioned for him to arise and come closer. You don't need to do that kind of thing, not when there's no audience.

But I've come to ask a favor from the throne.

I know you have, Riktors said, and his face darkened. We'll discuss that later. How have you been?

Reasonably good health, surrounded by reasonably helpful people. I've come for Josif. He's innocent of any , crime,

Is he? Riktors asked.

And Kyaren's heart suddenly grew heavy in her chest, and she felt something go out of her. She identified it a moment later as confidence. She had been expecting no resistance-just an error, to be rectified as soon as there was an explanation. What crime had Josif committed? Why was the emperor delaying and arguing?

She knew the answer as she asked the question. Josif had been making love to Mikal's Songbird. Even the emperor had not made love to Mikal's Songbird. Josif had had what the emperor had not even asked for. But had he wanted it? Was that the reason for his anger and delay?

He is innocent, Ansset said slowly, but danger crept into his voice. I want to see him.

Is this Josif all you can think of? asked Riktors. There was a time when you would have sung for me first. When you would have come to me full of songs.

Ansset said nothing.

Two years! cried Riktors, the emotion taking control of his voice, hi two years, you haven't visited, you haven't tried to visit!

I didn't think you'd want me.

Want you, said Riktors, getting some of his dignity back. Ever since I came here, this place was full of your music. And then gone. For two years, silence. And the babble of fools. Sing for me, Ansset,

And Ansset was silent,

Riktors watched him, and Kyaren realized this was the price that Riktors expected to be paid. A song in exchange for Josif's freedom. A cheap price, if only Ansset still had any songs in him. And Riktors didn't know. How could he not have known?

Sing for me, Ansset! Riktors cried.

He can't, Kyaren answered. She glanced at Ansset, but he was standing quietly, regarding Riktors impassively. Control. Just another thing that she had been unable to master in the Songhouse.

What do you mean, he can't? asked Riktors.

I mean that he's lost his songs. He hasn't sung anything, not since he left you. Not since you--

Not since I what? He dared her to go on, dared her to condemn him.

Not since you locked him in Mikal's rooms for a month. She dared.

He can't lose his songs, Riktors said. He was trained since he was three.

He can and he did. Don't you realize? He doesn't learn songs. He learns how to discover them. Inside himself, and bring them out to the surface. Do you think he memorized them all, and chose the right one for the proper occasion? They came from his soul, and you broke him, and now he can't find them anymore. Her anger surprised her. She had listened sympathetically to Ansset. It had never occurred to her how much she had come to hate Riktors for Ansset's sake. Which was odd, for Ansset had never even hinted at hatred for Riktors. Only hurt.

Riktors seemed not to notice the impertinence of her tone. He only looked wonderingly at Ansset. Is it true?

Ansset nodded.

Riktors dropped his head into his hands, which rested on the arms of the throne. What have I done, he said. His hands twisted in his hair.

He really grieves for Ansset's loss, Kyaren thought, and realized that despite all he had done to hurt Ansset, he still loved him. And so, fumblingly, she offered some words to assuage the blow that had just struck him. It wasn't just you, she said. It was the Songhouse, really. What the Songhouse did. Cutting him off here. You don't know what the Songhouse means to-to people like him. She had almost said us . I knew they were bastards there, who didn't care for any of us, but they get chains on you and never let go.

Beside her, Ansset was shaking his head.

It's true, Ansset. It was bad enough for them to strand you here without warning, but when they didn't even prepare you for-what happened, what the drugs would do to you-- She didn't finish. She merely turned to Riktors, who did not seem to be listening, and said, It's the Songhouse that hurt him most.

He did hear. He sat up, and looked much relieved, though there was still tension in him, even for Kyaren to see, who did not know him.

Yes, he said. It's the Songhouse that hurt him most."

Suddenly Ansset stepped forward, toward the throne. He was angry. Kyaren was surprised-she had been the one speaking, and yet he seemed angry at Riktors.

That was a lie, Ansset said.

Riktors only looked at him, startled.

I know your voice, Riktors, know it as well as I know my own, and that was a lie, and not just a small one, Riktors, that was a lie that matters to you right to the core and I want to know why it's a lie!

Riktors did not answer. But after a few moments he looked away from Ansset, glanced toward Ferret, who immediately came forward.

Stay where you are! Ansset commanded, and Ferret, surprised by the ferocity of his voice, obeyed. Ansset spoke again to Riktors. It was not the Songhouse that hurt me most, then?

Riktors shook his head.

Where is the lie, Riktors? I was cut off from the Songhouse, and that has cost me more than any other loss I have ever sustained, even the loss of Mikal, even the loss of your friendship. And you say that it was not the Song-house that hurt me most? Who was it, then? Who was it who cut me off from them?