J. Curtis - Calexit - The Anthology

“Yes.” said Chad. “I just thought that was some kind of big-city weirdness.”

“Actually, the Asian community was pushing for that law.” Houa said. “The point was buried in the tail-feathers of the order. All members of the family were allowed to claim the national origins of all members of the marriage. My mom and dad married a Latina woman. Not only am I Hmong, I am legally a Mexi-Calian and received a priority slot for Cal Poly.”

Chad just shook his head. Just when you thought it could not get any weirder…

“Hey boss,” Houa said after they finished processing the last of the fish, “what do you want me to do with the offal?”

Chad said, “Where would YOU put the offal if you were trying to hide the fact that you were catching and eating these fish?”

“Well, fish guts stink so I would put it east of the houses. In the heat of the day, when it would stink the worst the thermals would rise… so I would make sure it were at a higher elevation than the ranch. I would want it in a gully so buzzards would not home in on the… and so you would not see it if coyotes tore into it.”

“Why do you ask?” Houa concluded.

“The really smart people from Sacramento, the ones who have caused this mess, are coming here in a week or two for a spot check. There is going to be a problem because you are eating too well. We need to give them a plausible reason for the weight gain of all of the students.” Chad said.

“If they don’t get a believable reason then they will roll this farm into the collective and the crew with it. Mardi and I will either be put into prison or given the Universal Basic Income and placed into the barrio.”

“What do you need to have us do boss?”

“When they ask you what you have been eating, let it slip that members of the crew have been fishing in the aqueduct. If they push… and they might, take them out to where you have been “hiding” the fish guts. With any luck, the stink will convince them that they don’t need to do any more investigation.

He made a huge, elaborate wink. “Consider it done, boss. And what do you want us to do with all of this fish?”

“Houa, I think you should have a party. Invite your buddies from the other farms around here. Eat until you puke. Nothing like generating some supporting evidence. I will pony up the kettles and LP burners.” Chad said.

Original Email

To: Magdalene Izzo

Izzo Farms of East Orosi

Head of Records

From: Lois Gale-Leinhart-Diaz

The Cali Department of Education

Agent, Enforcement Division

Date: June 27, 2031

Mz Izzo:

Routine audit of your records indicates multiple discrepancies and probable non-compliance issues.

Interviews of previous students entrusted to your care resulted in findings. Based on those findings, The Cali Department of Education filed multiple grievances on behalf of those students.

Full disclosure of all records that may pertain to students hosted since 2021 are required.

Certified records demanded pursuant to Cali “Education Opportunity Law” 2021-3.1415.9265

Fines will be levied if copies are not delivered in ten business days.

**********************************

Email reply, history redacted

To: Lois Gale-Leinhart-Diaz

The Cali Department of Education

Agent, Enforcement Division

From: Magdalene Izzo

Izzo Farms of East Orosi

Head of Records

Date: June 27, 2031

Full copies of mandatory compliance databases respectfully attached. These are the same files we submit every tax year.

**********************************

Email reply, history redacted

To: Magdalene Izzo

Izzo Farms of East Orosi

Head of Records

From: Lois Gale-Leinhart-Diaz

The Cali Department of Education

Agent, Enforcement Division

Date: June 30, 2031

Mz Izzo:

Routine audit of your records indicates multiple discrepancies and probable non-compliance issues.

We already have the files you emailed.

We need certified copies.

Further, this letter is officially notifying you that we demand ALL records, including emails, related to students hosted by you from 2021 to the present.

Fines will be levied in nine business days if compliance is not satisfactory.

***********************************

Email reply, history redacted

To: Lois Gale-Leinhart-Diaz

The Cali Department of Education

Agent, Enforcement Division

From: Magdalene Izzo

Izzo Farms of East Orosi

Head of Records

Date: June 30, 2031

Per guidelines established by University of California-Davis, automated software was installed on our business computer to automatically delete records in accordance with U-of-C-Davis record retention guidelines.

You have all of the records that are available to us.

*************************************

Email reply, history redacted

To: Magdalene Izzo

Izzo Farms of East Orosi

Head of Records

From: Lois Gale-Leinhart-Diaz

The Cali Department of Education

Agent, Enforcement Division

Date: July 1, 2031

Mz Izzo:

Your file has been marked as “Hostile and non-cooperative.” Cali “Justice for All” Code 2022-1.4142.1356 is activated.

All computational devices (computers, laptops, tablets, smartphones, etc.) are subpoenaed and will be collected by bonded subcontractors at our convenience.

Withholding devices is a class one felony.

You have eight business day to comply with the records request before fines are levied.

**************************************

Email, History redacted

To: Lois Gale-Leinhart-Diaz

The Cali Department of Education

Agent, Enforcement Division

From: Magdalene Izzo

Izzo Farms of East Orosi

Head of Records

Date: July 1, 2031

Your email dated July 1, 2031 explains the presence of the subcontractors who showed up June 30 and presented us with court orders demanding our computing devices.

All devices were handed over in compliance with the order.

To save you a little bit of time, our farm suffered a massive electrical storm with multiple, direct lightning strikes in 2028 that destroyed all electrical devices. The devices collected by the subcontractors were purchased new at that time and they contain no data from before then.

Also, since you collected all devices we are not able to comply with your demand for any records nor are we able to comply with Cali “Education Opportunity Law” 2021-3.1415.9265 record requirements regarding “Continuity of Records”.

What do you want me to do?

**************************************

Email, History redacted

To: Lois Gale-Leinhart-Diaz

The Cali Department of Education

Agent, Enforcement Division

From: Magdalene Izzo

Izzo Farms of East Orosi

Head of Records

Date: July 2, 2031

Hello!

We are approaching the July 4 Holiday weekend (Summer Solstice, celebrated) and I need to know what you want us to do to comply with your requirements.

***************************

Email reply, history redacted

To: Magdalene Izzo

Izzo Farms of East Orosi

Head of Records

From: Lois Gale-Leinhart-Diaz

The Cali Department of Education

Agent, Enforcement Division

Date: July 7, 2031

Mz Izzo:

The tenor of your communications and your continued intransigence has been duly noted in your file.