Jack Vance - MADOUC

"Ah! All is now explained! I will call Sir Throop; then I must make ready for Throop's evening meal. You may wait here. See that you take nothing that does not belong to you."

"Naturally not!" said Travante. "I am beginning to resent these imputations!"

"No matter, no matter. When the time comes you can never say that you were not warned." Naupt scurried away on his thin little legs.

"The hail is cold," grumbled Sir Pom-Pom. "Let us go stand by the fire."

"By no means!" cried Madouc. "Do you wish to become soup for Throop's supper? The logs which nourish the fire are not our property; we must avoid putting the warmth to our personal use."

"It is a most delicate situation," growled Sir Pom-Pom. "I wonder that we dare breathe the air."

"That we may do, since the air is all-encompassing and not the property of Throop."

"That is good news." Sir Pom-Pom turned his head. "I hear steps approaching. Throop is on his way."

Throop entered the hall. He lumbered five long paces forward and inspected his guests with the full attention of his three heads. Throop was large and bulky, standing ten feet in height, with the chest of a bull, great round arms and gnarled legs, each as thick as the trunk of a tree. The heads were round, heavy at the cheekbone, with round white-gray eyes, snub noses, and purple heavy-lipped mouths. Each head wore a cocked hat of a different color: Pism's hat was green; Pasm's liver-colored; Posm's, a jaunty mustard-ocher.

The three heads completed their survey. Pasm, at the center, spoke: "What is your purpose here, occupying space and taking shelter inside my Castle Doldil?"

"We came to pay our respects, in the fashion dictated by courtesy," said Madouc. "Your invitation to enter gave us no choice but to occupy space and take shelter."

"Bah batasta! That is a glib response. Why do you stand there like sticks?"

"We are anxious not to impose upon your good nature. Hence we await exact instructions."

Throop marched to the head of the table and seated himself in the great chair. "You may join me at the table."

"Are we to sit on the chairs, Sir Throop, without regard for the wear we might cause?"

"Bah! You must be careful! The chairs are valuable antiques!"

"In that case, concern for you and your property would argue that we should stand."

"You may sit."

"In the warmth of the fire or otherwise?"

"As you choose."

Madouc detected a crafty ambiguity in the statement. She asked: "Without indebtedness or penalty?"

All of Throop's heads scowled together. "In your case I will make an exception and levy no charge for either fireheat or fire light."

"Thank you, Sir Throop." The three carefully seated them selves, and watched Throop in respectful silence.

Posm asked: "Are you hungry?"

"Not particularly," said Madouc. "Since we are casual guests, we are anxious not to consume food you might have reserved for yourself, or Naupt."

"You are gentility personified! Still, we shall see." Pism twisted his burly neck and called past Pasm's ear: "Naupt! Bring fruit! Let it be generous in scope!"

Naupt approached the table bearing a pewter tray piled high with mellow pears, peaches, cherries, grapes and plums. He offered the tray first to Throop. "I will eat a pear," said Pism. "For me, a dozen of those luscious cherries," said Pasm. "Today I will devour a plum or two," said Posm.

Naupt offered the tray to Madouc, who gave a smiling refusal. "Thank you, but good manners force us to decline, since we have nothing to give in return."

Posm, grinning widely, said: "Each of you may taste one grape, free of obligation."

Madouc shook her head. "We might inadvertently break off the stem, or swallow a seed, and thus exceed the value of your gift, to our embarrassment."

Pism scowled. "Your manners are very good, but somewhat tiresome, since they delay our own meal."

Posm said: "All this to the side, was there not some talk of host-gifts?"

"True!" said Madouc. "As you can see, we are modest folk, and our host-gifts, while of no large value, come feelingly from the heart."

Travante said: "Such gifts, after all, are the best! They deserve a deeper regard than presentations of jewels or vials of rare perfume."

"Batasta," said Pism. "Each has its place in the scheme of things. What, then, do you bring for our pleasure?"

"All in good time," said Madouc. "At the moment I thirst, and I wish to drink."

"That can quickly be arranged!" declared Pism in great good humour. "Posm, am I correct in this remark?"

"The sooner the better," said Posm. "The day draws on and we have not yet started the kettle."

Pasm called: "Naupt, remove the fruit; bring goblets on the run, that we may drink!"

Naupt scuttled off with the fruit and returned with a tray of goblets, which he placed around the table. Madouc spoke politely to Throop: "These goblets are of good quality! Do you offer us their use freely and without obligation on our part?"

"We are not impractical theorists!" declared Pasm bluffly. "In order to drink, one needs a proper receptacle, similar in shape to a goblet. Otherwise, the liquid, when poured, falls to the floor!"

"In short, you may use these goblets without charge," stated Pism.

"Naupt, bring the elderberry wine!" called Posm. "We wish to slake our thirsts!"

Madouc said: "As we drink, you may also consider the guest-gifts which it is incumbent upon you to offer in return. By the rules of gentility, such guest-gifts should be of value equal to that of the host-gift."

Pasm roared: "What foolish talk is this?"

Pism spoke with more restraint, and went so far as to wink at his brothers. "There is no harm in such a discussion. Never forget our usual habit!"

"True!" said Posm with a chuckle. "Naupt, have you prepared sufficient onions for the soup?"

"Yes, Your Honour."

"Put them aside for the moment; there will be a short delay and the onions should not overcook."

"Just so, Your Honour."

"You may pour the elderberry wine which our guests have demanded for the slaking of their thirsts."

"By no means!" said Madouc. "We would never think to impose upon your generosity! Sir Pom-Pom, set out your golden vessel. I will drink mead."

Sir Pom-Pom arranged the vessel and from the first spout poured mead for Madouc.

Travante said: "I believe that I will drink good red wine to day."

Sir Pom-Pom poured full Travante's goblet from the appropriate spout. "As for myself, I will drink some fine cracking ale!"

From the last spout Sir Pom-Pom poured foaming ale into his own goblet. Throop's three heads watched the operation in wonder, then all muttered into each other's ears. Pasm said aloud: "That is an excellent vessel!"

"So it is!" said Sir Pom-Pom. "And while we are on the subject, what do you know of the Holy Grail?"

All three heads instantly bent forward to stare at Sir Pom-Pom. "What is this?" demanded Pism. "Did you put a question?"

"No!" cried Madouc. "Of course not! Never! Not by so much as a breath! Nor an iota! You mis-heard Sir Pom-Pom! He said that better than all else he enjoyed his ale!"

"Hmf. Too bad!" said Pasm.

"Information is valuable," said Posm. "We hold it dear!"

Pism said: "Since you have been allowed free and liberal use of the goblets, perhaps you would allow us to taste the product of that remarkable vessel!"

"Certainly!" said Madouc. "It is only good manners! How do your tastes incline?"

"I will drink mead," said Pism.

"I will drink wine," said Pasm.

"I will taste that smashing ale," said Posm.

Naupt brought goblets which Sir Pom-Pom filled from the vessel. Naupt then served to each of the heads its specified tipple.

"Excellent!" declared Pism.

"Tasty and of high quality!" said Pasm.