Robert Heinlein - The Number of the Beast

"Mine, too!"

"And mine, Hilda my dear Captain!" (In truth I wanted Zeb and only Zeb to command when the car was off the ground. But I made myself a solemn:

vow never again to say or do anything that might cause Hilda to suspect it. We would crash and die together rather than let her suspect that I thought her other than the ideal commanding officer.)

Hilda said, "The incident is closed. Who can't wait? Speak up."

I hesitated-my bladder is not used to bedtime right after dinner. When no one else spoke, I said, "Perhaps I had better be first; I have breakfast to prepare."

"Dear, you are not First Cook today; Zebbie is. Deety, grab a rifle and take,:

your father to his 'handy bush'-and do make it handy; that giant termite might be lurking. Then hand Jacob the rifle and it's your turn. Don't dally."

It was a busy day. Water tanks had to be topped off. Zeb and I used two collapsible buckets, taking turns (that hill got steeper every trip, even at 0.38 gee), while Deety guarded us. Endless trips- That afternoon I was a ladies' tailor. Hilda had something for Deety to do.

Zeb had a job to complete. The space behind the bulkhead has padeyes every 30 cms or so. No one wants the center of gravity to shift when one is in the air. Zeb's arrangements were Samson cord in many lengths with snap hooks. Zeb told Hilda he wanted to secure the bed aft for air or space, and to store items used in rigging the forward bed so that they would be secure but available-and where were his Samson ties?-Gay didn't know. He had to explain to Hilda what they looked like-whereupon Hilda said, "Oh! Thingammies! Gay Deceiver. Inventory. Incidentals. Small. Thingammies." Zeb spent the afternoon making certain that the "bed" could not slide, then built a net of Samson cord to hold the items for turning seats into a bed, then, finding that he had Samson ties left, Zeb removed the wires with which I had secured the aftermost storage, and replaced them with ties. When he was through, he relieved me as guard, and I wound up as seamstress.

Our wives had decided that one of Deety's jump suits should be altered for Hilda until we reached some place where clothes could be purchased. Hilda had vetoed Earth-without-a-J. "Jacob, as captain I look at things from another perspective. It is better to be a lively frump than a stylish corpse. Wups! You pinned Sharpie."

"Thorry," I said, around a mouthful of pins. Hilda was wearing the suit inside out; I was pinning excess material. Once this caused it to fit, lines held by pins would be tacked, pins removed, tacked lines sewed in short stitches (by hand; Deety's sewing machine was ashes in another universe), and excess cloth trimmed away.

Such was theory.

I tackled reducing the waist line by pinning darts on both sides. Then I folded up the trousers so that the crease came at the instep-but had to pin them up 17 cms!

Seventeen centimeters! I had taken in the waist first, knowing that doing so would, in effect, shorten the trousers. It did-one centimeter.

The appearance was as if I were trying to fit her with a chimpanzee suit for a masquerade. Lift it at the shoulders? I tried, almost cutting off circulation. Still a horrid case of droopy drawers- Take a tuck all the way around the waist? That suit closed with one zipper.

Have you ever tried to take a tuck in a zipper? I stepped back and looked at my creative artistry. Ghastly.

"Hilda my love, Deety was better at this by the age of ten. Shall I fetch her?"

"No, no!"

"Yes, yes. If at first you don't succeed, find the mistake. I'm the mistake. You need Deety."

"No, Jacob. It would be better for me to get along without clothes than to interrupt the work I have assigned to the Astrogator. With you at the verniers and Zebbie at the controls, Gay can do almost anything and quickly. Yes?"

"I wouldn't phrase it that way. But I understand you."

"If she's been preprogrammed, she can do it even faster?"

"Certainly. Why the quiz, dear?"

"How much faster?"

"Without preprogramming, it takes a few seconds to acknowledge and set it, about as long to check what I've done, then I report 'Set!' Zeb says 'Execute!' I punch the button. Five to fifteen seconds. With a preprogram-is it debugged in all ways, no conflicts, no ambiguities, no sounds easy to confuse?"

"Darling, that is why I won't let Deety be disturbed. Yes."

"So. Maximum time would be with Gay asleep. Wake her, she acknowledges, you state the preprogram in the exact words in her memory, then say 'Execute!' Call it three seconds. Minimum- That would be an emergency preprogram with 'Execute' included in the code word. My dear, we saw minimum time yesterday. When that Russian tried to shoot Zeb."

"Jacob, that is what caused me to put Deety to work. I saw his pistol in the air. His fingers were curled to catch it. Then we were in the sky. How long?"

"I saw him start to reverse his weapon, and bent over my verniers to bounce:

us by switch... then stopped. Not needed. Mmm- A tenth of a second? A fifth?"

"Whichever, it is the fastest we can manage. While you dears were carrying water, I was preparing a list of preprograms. Some are to save juice or time or to carry out something we do frequently; those require 'Execute!' Some are intended to save our lives and don't require 'Execute.' Like 'Bounce' and 'Bug Out' and 'Take us home!' But more. Jacob, I did not tell Deety how to phrase these; that's her specialty. I wrote out what I thought we ought to be able to'~ do and told her to add any she wished."

"Did you consult Zeb?"

"Copilot, the Captain did not consult the Chief Pilot."

"Whew! I beg your pardon-Captain."

"Only if I get a kiss-mind the pins! Deety will post a copy on the instrument board. After you and Zebbie read them, I want your advice and his."

I gave up on that jump suit. I took out eighty-five or a thousand pins. Hilda was covered with sweat so I invited her to order me to take her down to bathe. She hesitated.

I said, "Does the Captain have duties of which I am unaware?"

"No. But everyone else is working, Jacob."

"Captain, Rank Hath Its Privileges. You are on duty twenty-four hours a day-twenty-four and a half here-"

"Twenty-four hours, thirty-nine minutes, thirty-five seconds-local day, not sidereal."

"Did you measure it? Or remember what some professor said?"

"Neither, Jacob. It's the figure Gay uses. I suppose she got it from the~ Aerospace Almanac."

"Are you going to believe an almanac? Or your husband?"

"Excuse me, Jacob, while I tell Gay the correct figure."

"Hand-back my leg, beloved. Captain, since you are on duty all the time, you are entitled to bathe, rest, or relax, at any time."

"Well... two seconds while I grab a towel-and tell Zebbie that I will start dinner while he is down bathing."

"Captain, I am number-two cook today. You said so."

"You will guard, Jacob, which you do better than I. While the Carters are

guarding each other." -

Hilda came trotting back with a towel. I said, "Cap'n, I've figured out clothes for you."

"Goody. Yes, dear?" We headed for the path down.

"Were my Hawaiian shirts packed?" I had her fall in behind me.

"Inventory. Clothing. Jacob. Shirts. Aloha."

"Do you recall a blue one with white flowers?"

"Yes."

"I take 'medium' but can get into a 'small' and Andrade's didn't have this in 'medium.' But this one is so small I haven't been wearing it. Hilda, you'll like it-and it will be easy to cut down." (A steep pitch-no place to lose your footing while carrying a gun.)

"I won't cut it down. Jacob, your shirt is my first maternity smock."

"A happy thought! Did Deety fetch sailor pants? White."

"I recall white duck slacks." Hilda kicked off her Reds, stepped into the water.

"That's the pair. She wore them one summer while maturing. The following summer they were too tight. She was always about to alter them but never did."