Robert Heinlein - The Number of the Beast

it is the safest place to raise children I've ever heard of.

We are having to relearn history. "The Years of Rising Waters" explain themselves. The change came before 1600; by 1620 new shorelines had stabilized. That had endless consequences-mass migrations, political disorder, a return of the Black Death, and much immigration from Great Britain and the lowlands of Europe while the waters rose.

Slavery never established here. Indentures, yes-many a man indentured himself to get his family away from doomed land. But the circumstances that could have created "King Cotton" were destroyed by rising waters. There are citizens here of African descent but their ancestors were not slaves. Some have indentured ancestors, no doubt-but everyone claims indentured ancestors even if they have to invent them.

Some aspects of history seem to be taboo. I've given up trying to find out what happened in 1965: "The Year They Hanged the Lawyers." When I asked a librarian for a book on that year and decade, he wanted to know why I needed access to records in locked vaults. I left without giving my name. There is free speech-but some subjects are not discussed. Since they are never defined, we try to be careful.

But there is no category "Lawyers" in the telephone book.

Taxation is low, simple-and contains a surprise. The Federal government is supported by a head tax paid by the States, and is mostly for military and foreign affairs. This state derives most of its revenue from real estate taxes. It is a uniform rate set annually, with no property exempted, not even churches, hospitals, or schools-or roads; the best roads are toll roads. The surprise lies in this: The owner appraises his own property.

There is a sting in the tail: Anyone can buy property against the owner's wishes at the appraisal the owner placed on it. The owner can hang on only by raising his appraisal at once to a figure so high that no buyer wants it- and pay three years back taxes at his new appraisal.

This strikes me as loaded with inequity. What if it's a family homestead with great sentimental value? Zeb laughs at me. "Jake, if anybody wants six hectares of hilly land and second-growth timber, we take the profit, climb into Gay-and buy more worthless land elsewhere. In a poker game, you figure what's in the pot."

Random Numbers

Hilda:

Jacob stood, raised his glass. "Snug Harbor at last!"

Zebbie matched him. "Hear, hear!"

Deety and I sat tight. Zebbie said, "Snap it up, kids!" I ignored him.

Jacob looked concerned. "What's the matter, dear one? Zeb, perhaps they don't feel well."

"It's not that, Jacob. Deety and I are healthy as hogs. It's that toast. For ten days, since we signed the deed, it's been that toast. Our toast used to be:

'Death to "Black Hats"!'"

"But, my dear, I promised you a new Snug Harbor. The fact that you girls are having babies made that first priority. This is the place. You said so."

I answered, "Jacob, I never called this 'Snug Harbor.' I reported that I had found a culture with advanced obstetrics, and customs that made it impossibh for Black Hats to hide. I wasn t asked what I thought of it.

"You signed the deed!"

"I had no choice. My contribution was one fur cape and some jewelry. Deety put in morebut effectively no gold. She fetched her stock certificates, other securities, some money-paper-and a few coins. I fetched two twenty-five newdollar bills. Deety and I left Earth as paupers. Each of us women-not girls'!, Jacob-was once wealthy in her own right. But in buying this place, you two decided, you two paid for it-all we did was sign. We had no choice."

Zebbie looked at Deety and said softly, "With all my worldly goods I thee endow," and took her hand.

Jacob said, "Thanks, Zeb. I, too, Hilda-if you don't believe that, then you don't believe I meant the rest: '-for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health-' But I did and I do." He looked up. "Zeb, where did we go wrong?"

"Durned if I know, Jake. Deety, what's the score? Give."

"I'll try, Zebadiah. Maybe all we should expect is washing dishes and wiping noses and changing diapers. But that doesn't seem like a be-all and end-all when you've gone banging around the universes... stood guard for your husband while he bathed in a mountain stream... or- Oh, the devil with it! This place is good and clean and wholesome and dull! I'll find myself joining the church just for company... then sleeping with the priest out of boredom!"

"Deety, Deety!"

"I'm sorry, Zebadiah. It would be boredom with Beulahland, not with you. The very hour we met, you saved my life; you married me before that hour was over, impregnated me before midnight, fought and killed for me only days later, saved my life twice more that same day, took me to another planet in another universe before midnight still that same day... and short hours later had again fought for me, twice. You are my gallant knight, sans peur et sans reproche. In the six weeks I have known you, you have gifted more romance, more glorious adventure, into my life than in all the twenty-two years before it. But the last twelve days-especially the last ten-have told me what we now look forward to."

Deety paused to sigh; I said quietly, "She speaks for me."

Deety went on, "You two would lay down your lives for us-you've come terrifyingly close. But what happened to your glorious schemes to rebuild the Solar System? To kill every last one of those vermin? Gay Deceiver sits in an old barn, dark and quiet-and today I heard you discussing how to market a can opener. Universes beyond the sky to the incredible Number of the Beast!- yet you plan to sell can openers while Hilda and I serve as brood mares. We haven't even visited Proxima Centauri! Zebadiah-Pop!-let's spend tonight looking for an Earth-type planet around Alpha Centauri-kill a million vermin to clean it, if that's what it takes! Plan what planets to put on Earth's Lagrange points. I'll write programs to meet your grandest plans! Let's go!"

My husband looked sad. Zebbie held Deety's hand and said, "Deety, we don't want to sell can openers. But you two are pregnant and we've gone to a lot of trouble to put you where you and our kids will be safe. Maybe it's dull... but it's your duty. Forget hunting vermin."

"Just forget it? Zebadiah, why is Gay Deceiver loaded and ready for space? Power packs charged, water tanks full, everything? Do you and Pop have something in mind... while Hilda and I stay home and baby-sit?"

"Deety, if we did, it wouldn't hurt to sell a few can openers first. You two and the kids must be provided for, come what may."

"That Widow's Walk again, Hillbilly. But, my husband, you have started from a false premise. You men want to protect Hilda and me and our kids at any cost-and we honor you for it. But one generation is as valuable as another, and men are as valuable as women. With modern weapons, a computer pro-

grammer is more use in war than a sniper. Or-forgive me, sir!-even an aerospace fighter pilot. I'm a programmer. I can shoot, too! I won't be left out, I won't!"

I gave Deety our signal to drop it. It doesn't do to push a man too hard; it makes him stubborn. One can't expect logic from males; they think with their testicles and act from their emotions. And one must be careful not to overload them. We had given them five points to stew over; we would save the sixth- the clincher-for later.

I waited three days... and struck from the other flank. Again Deety and I rehearsed: We would wrangle with each other and appeal to the men for support-crosswise.

"Jacob, what is 'random'? Is it correct to say that 'random' is shorthand for 'I don't know'?"

Deety said scornfully, "Don't let her trap you, Pop. She's got the second law of thermodynamics mixed up with the second law of robotics-and doesn't understand either one." (I had to phrase this and insist; Deety didn't want to say it. Deety is sweet, not the bitch I am.)