Robert Heinlein - The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress

"I will be brief, Honorable Chairman." Prof said something in Spanish; all I caught was "Señor." Argentina turned dark but did not answer. Prof went on, "I must first answer the gentleman member from North America on a matter of personal privilege since he has impugned my fellow countrymen. I for one have seen the inside of more than one jail; I accept the title--nay, I glory in the title of 'jailbird.' We citizens of Luna are jailbirds and descendants of jailbirds. But Luna herself is a stern schoolmistress; those who have lived through her harsh lessons have no cause to feel ashamed. In Luna City a man may leave purse unguarded or home unlocked and feel no fear... I wonder if this is true in Denver? As may be, I have no wish to visit Colorado to learn a thing or two; I am satisfied with what Mother Luna has taught me. And rabble we may be, but we are now a rabble in arms.

"To the gentleman member from India let me say that we do not 'play politics with hunger.' What we ask is an open discussion of facts of nature unbound by political assumptions false to fact. If we can hold this discussion, I can promise to show a way in which Luna can continue grain shipments and expand them enormously... to the great benefit of India."

Both Chinee and Indian looked alert. Indian started to speak, checked himself, then said, "Honorable Chairman, will the Chair ask the witness to explain what he means?"

"The witness is invited to amplify."

"Honorable Chairman, gentlemen members, there is indeed a way for Luna to expand by tenfold or even a hundred her shipments to our hungry millions. The fact that grain barges continued to arrive on schedule during our time of trouble and are still arriving today is proof that our intentions are friendly. But you do not get milk by beating the cow. Discussions of how to augment our shipments must be based on the facts of nature, not on the false assumption that we are slaves, bound by a work quota we never made. So which shall it be? Will you persist in believing that we are slaves, indentured to an Authority other than ourselves? Or will you acknowledge that we are free, negotiate with us, and learn how we can help you?"

Chairman said, "In other words you ask us to buy a pig in a poke. You demand that we legalize your outlaw status... then you will talk about fantastic claims that you can increase grain shipments ten- or a hundredfold. What you claim is impossible; I am expert in Lunar economics. And what you ask is impossible; takes the Grand Assembly to admit a new nation."

Then place it before the Grand Assembly. Once seated as sovreign equals, we will discuss how to increase shipments and negotiate terms. Honorable Chairman, we grow the grain, we own it. We can grow far more. But not as slaves. Luna's soverign freedom must first be recognized."

"Impossible and you know it. The Lunar Authority cannot abdicate its sacred responsibility."

Prof sighed. "It appears to be an impasse. I can only suggest that these hearings be recessed while we all take thought. Today our barges are arriving... but the moment that I am forced to notify my government that I have failed... they... will... stop!"

Prof's head sank back on pillow as if it had been too much for him--as may have been. I was doing well enough but was young and had had practice in how to visit Terra and stay alive. A Loonie his age should not risk it. After minor foofooraw which Prof ignored they loaded us into a lorry and scooted us back to hotel. Once under way I said, "Prof, what was it you said to Señor Jellybelly that raised blood pressure?"

He chuckled. "Comrade Stuart's investigations of these gentlemen turn up remarkable facts. I asked who owned a certain brothel off Calle Florida in B.A. these days and did it now have a star redhead?"

"Why? You used to patronize it?" Tried to imagine Prof in such!

"Never. It has been forty years since I was last in Buenos Aires. He owns that establishment, Manuel, through a dummy, and his wife, a beauty with Titian hair, once worked in it."

Was sorry had asked. "Wasn't that a foul blow? And undiplomatic?"

But Prof closed eyes and did not answer.

He was recovered enough to spend an hour at a reception for newsmen that night, with white hair framed against a purple pillow and thin body decked out in embroidered pajamas. Looked like vip corpse at an important funeral, except for eyes and dimples. I looked mighty vip too, in black and gold uniform which Stu claimed was Lunar diplomatic uniform of my rank. Could have been, if Lana had had such things--did not or I would have known. I prefer a p-suit; collar was tight. Nor did I ever find out what decorations on it meant. ~A reporter asked me about one, based on Luna at crescent as seen from Terra; told him it was a prize for spelling. Stu was in earshot and said, "The Colonel is modest. That decoration is of the same rank as the Victoria Cross and in his case was awarded for an act of gallantry on the glorious, tragic day of--"

He led him away, still talking. Stu could lie standing up almost as well as Prof. Me, I have to think out a lie ahead of time.

India newspapers and casts were rough that night; "threat" to stop grain shipments made them froth. Gentlest proposal was to clean out Luna, exterminate us "criminal troglodytes" and replace us with "honest Hindu peasants" who understood sacredness of life and would ship grain and more grain.

Prof picked that night to talk and give handouts about Luna's inability to continue shipments, and why--and Stu's organization spread release throughout Terra. Some reporters took time to dig out sense of figures and tackled Prof on glaring discrepancy:

"Professor de la Paz, here you say that grain shipments will dwindle away through failure of natural resources and that by 2082 Luna won't even be able to feed its own people. Yet earlier today you told the Lunar Authority that you could increase shipments a dozen times or more."

Prof said sweetly, "That committee is the Lunar Authority?"

"Well... it's an open secret."

"So it is, sir, but they have maintained the fiction of being an impartial investigating committee of the Grand Assembly. Don't you think they should disqualify themselves? So that we could receive a fair hearing?"

"Uh... it's not my place to say, Professor. Let's get back to my question. How do you reconcile the two?"

"I'm interested in why it's not your place to say, sir. Isn't it the concern of every citizen of Terra to help avoid a situation which will produce war between Terra and her neighbor?"

"'War'? What in the world makes you speak of 'war,' Professor?"

"Where else can it end, sir? If the Lunar Authority persists in its intransigence? We cannot accede to their demands; those figures show why. If they will not see this, then they will attempt to subdue us by force... and we will fight back. Like cornered rats--for cornered we are, unable to retreat, unable to surrender. We do not choose war; we wish to live in peace with our neighbor planet--in peace and peacefully trade. But the choice is not ours. We are small, you are gigantic. I predict that the next move will be for the Lunar Authority to attempt to subdue Luna by force. This 'peace-keeping' agency will start the first interplanetary war."

Journalist frowned. "Aren't you overstating it? Let's assame the Authority--or the Grand Assembly, as the Authority hasn't any warships of its own--let's suppose the nations of Earth decide to displace your, uh, 'government.' You might fight, on Luna--I suppose you would. But that hardly constitutes interplanetary war. As you pointed out, Luna has no ships. To put it bluntly, you can't reach us."

I had chair close by Prof's stretcher, listening. He turned to me. "Tell them, Colonel."

I parroted it. Prof and Mike had worked out stock situation. I had memorized and was ready with answers. I said, "Do you gentlemen remember the Pathfinder? How she came plunging in, out of control?"