Robert Heinlein - The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress

"Just what have we done?--that they know about, I mean. Illegal immigration?"

"Not even that, Mannie. You never were a consignee and you have derivative PanAfrican citizenship through one of your grandfathers, no huhu. In Professor de la Paz's case we dug up proof that he had been granted naturalized Chad citizenship forty years back, waited for the ink to dry, and used it. You're not even illegally entered here in India. Not only did they bring you down themselves, knowing that you were in that barge, but also a control officer very kindly and fairly cheaply stamped your virgin passports. In addition to that, Prof's exile has no legal existence as the government that proscribed him no longer exists and a competent court has taken notice--that was more expensive."

Nurse came back in, indignant as a mother cat. "Lord Stuart you must let my patient rest!"

"At once, ma chere."

"You're 'Lord Stuart'?"

"Should be 'Comte.' Or I can lay a dubious claim to being the Macgregor. The blue-blood bit helps; these people haven't been happy since they took their royalty away from them."

As he left he patted her rump. Instead of screaming, she wiggled it. Was smiling as she came over to me. Stu was going to have to watch that stuff when he went back to Luna. If did.

She asked how I felt. Told her I was right, just hungry. "Sister, did you see some prosthetic arms in our luggage?"

She had and I felt better with number-six in place. Had selected it and number-two and social arm as enough for trip. Number-two was presumably still in Complex; I hoped somebody was taking care of it. But number-six is most all-around useful arm; with it and social one I'd be okay.

Two days later we left for Agra to present credentials to Federated Nations. I was in bad shape and not just high gee; could do well enough in a wheel chair and could even walk a little although did not in public. What I had was a sore throat that missed pneumonia only through drugs, traveler's trots, skin disease on hands and spreading to feet--just like my other trips to that disease-ridden hole, Terra. We Loonies don't know how lucky we are, living in a place that has tightest of quarantines, almost no vermin and what we have controlled by vacuum anytime necessary. Or unlucky, since we have almost no immunities if turns out we need them. Still, wouldn't swap; never heard word "venereal" until first went Earthside and had thought "common cold" was state of ice miner's feet.

And wasn't cheerful for other reason. Stu had fetched us a message from Adam Selene; buried in it, concealed even from Stir, was news that chances had dropped to worse than one in a hundred. Wondered what point in risking crazy trip if made odds worse? Did Mike really know what chances were? Couldn't see any way he could compute them no matter how many facts he had.

But Prof didn't seem worried. He talked to platoons of reporters, smiled at endless pictures, gave out statements, telling world he placed great confidence in Federated Nations and was sure our just claims would be recognized and that he wanted to thank "Friends of Free Luna" for wonderful help in bringing true story of our small but sturdy nation before good people of Terra--F. of F.L. being Stu, a professional public opinion firm, several thousand chronic petition signers, and a great stack of Hong Kong dollars.

I had picture taken, too, and tried to smile, but dodged questions by pointing to throat and croaking.

In Agra we were lodged in a lavish suite in hotel that had once been palace of a maharajah (and still belonged to him, even though India is supposed to be socialist) and interviews and picture-taking went on--hardly dared get out of wheel chair even to visit W.C. as was under orders from Prof never to be photographed vertically. He was always either in bed or in a stretcher--bed baths, bedpans, everything--not only because safer, considering age, and easier for any Loonie, but also for pictures. His dimples and wonderful, gentle, persuasive personality were displayed in hundreds of millions of video screens, endless news pictures.

But his personality did not get us anywhere in Agra. Prof was carried to office of President of Grand Assembly, me being pushed alongside, and there he attempted to present his credentials as Ambassador to F.N. and prospective Senator for Luna--was referred to Secretary General and at his offices we were granted ten minutes with assistant secretary who sucked teeth and said he could accept our credentials "without prejudice and without implied commitment." They were referred to Credentials Committee--who sat on them.

I got fidgety. Prof read Keats. Grain barges continued to arrive at Bombay.

In a way was not sorry about latter. When we flew from Bombay to Agra we got up before dawn and were taken out to field as city was waking. Every Loonie has his hole, whether luxury of a long-established home like Davis Tunnels or rock still raw from drill; cubic is no problem and can't be for centuries.

Bombay was bee-swarms of people. Are over million (was told) who have no home but some piece of pavement. A family might claim right (and hand down by will, generation after generation) to sleep on a piece two meters long and one wide at a described location in front of a shop. Entire family sleeps on that space, meaning mother, father, kids, maybe a grandmother. Would not have believed if had not seen. At dawn in Bombay roadways, side pavements, even bridges are covered with tight carpet of human bodies. What do they do? Where do they work? How do they eat? (Did not look as if they did. Could count ribs.)

If I hadn't believed simple arithmetic that you can't ship stuff downhill forever without shipping replacement back, would have tossed in cards. But... tanstanfl. "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch," in Bombay or in Luna.

At last we were given appointment with an "Investigating Committee." Not what Prof had asked for. He had requested public hearing before Senate, complete with video cameras. Only camera at this session was its "in-camera" nature; was closed. Not too closed, I had little recorder. But no video. And took Prof two minutes to discover that committee was actually vips of Lunar Authority or their tame dogs.

Nevertheless was chance to talk and Prof treated them as if they had power to recognize Luna's independence and willingness to do so. While they treated us as a cross between naughty children and criminals up for sentencing.

Prof was allowed to make opening statement. With decorations trimmed away was assertion that Luna was de-facto a sovereign state, with an unopposed government in being, a civil condition of peace and order, a provisional president and cabinet carrying on necessary functions but anxious to return to private life as soon as Congress completed writing a constitution--and that we were here to ask that these facts be recognized de-jure and that Luna be allowed to take her rightful place in councils of mankind as a member of Federated Nations.

What Prof told them bore a speaking acquaintance with truth and they were not where they could spot discrepancies. Our "provisional president" was a computer, and "cabinet" was Wyoh, Finn, Comrade Clayton, and Terence Sheehan, editor of Pravda, plus Wolfgang Korsakov, board chairman of LuNoHoCo and a director of Bank of Hong Kong in Luna. But Wyoh was only person now in Luna who knew that "Adam Selene" was false face for a computer. She had been terribly nervous at being left to hold fort alone.

As it was, Adam's "oddity" in never being seen save over video was always an embarrassment. We had done our best to turn it into a "security necessity" by opening offices for him in cubic of Authority's Luna City office and then exploding a small bomb. After this "assassination attempt" comrades who had been most fretful about Adam's failure to stir around became loudest in demands that Adam must not take any chances--this being helped by editorials.