Robert Asprin: Myth-Chief

Gus himself brought my tray. He offered me the milk shake, straw already bent to the angle I favored. I took an appreciative sip.

"No one makes them like you do," I said.

"Thanks, Skeeve," the Gargoyle said, in his gravelly voice. "Hey. it's nice to have you for a neighbor. Glad you're back in town."

"Thanks," I said.

"You got a moment?" he asked.

"For you? Anytime. Do you want to sit down?"

"Nah. On duty. Well, listen ..." Gus looked uncomfortable, his craggy jaw working. "I noticed that you haven't got any of the old gang with you. Except Miss Bunny."

"No," I said cautiously.

"I don't have to know why. Ain't none of my business. I just wanted to know ... y'know ... nah." "What is it, Gus?" I asked.

He looked sheepish, not an easy maneuver for someone with a solid stone face.

"Well, you know, if you are lookin' for some new old help. I mean, we worked together once, and you thought I did a good job ... Have any room for me?"

"Well..." I knew I was gawking. Gus's mouth turned down, and he backed hastily away from the table.

"I can see you hesitate. Never mind."

"Wait!" I said.

The first thought that wanted to jump out of my mouth was that I had wanted to open this new business by myself, and see how I did, before I would even consider asking any-one else to join me.

The thought was overtaken by a second thought that was a lot wiser and a lot more painful to contemplate.

What was I trying to prove? Who was I trying to prove something to? Myself? I already knew that I never got any-where I wanted to go on my own. Why shouldn't I have one of my oldest and best friends around?

"Gee, Gus," I said. "Please come back. Sit down. I was just surprised. I'm not looking for help because I just don't have any jobs yet. I don't even really know what I'm going to be doing yet."

"Really?" Gus asked, looking surprised. "With all the people who've been walking in and out, I thought you had lined up a dozen missions already. I mean, Tanda and the others have been in here every day, watching out the front window."

"They have?" I felt guilty all over again. I guess they were still upset if they never came in to visit.

"Yeah. They're curious about how you're doing." Gus tilted his head. "What do you want me to tell them?"

I sighed. "Tell them the truth, Gus. I don't lie to them. I... I've just been so busy getting set up, I haven't seen much of them. It's my fault."

"Well, Skeeve, I'm sure it'll all be okay. In the meantime—if you meant it..."

"I meant it," I assured him. "Once I know what I'm doing, if I can use you, I will."

The big gray face split in a grin. "You're a pal."

I dodged the usual noisome and noisy traffic crossing the street again. When I approached the tent I was surprised. The crowd that had been hanging around for the last few days had dispersed. Completely. I peered up the street. Perhaps Bunny had asked the throng to make a little room for newcomers to enter and make appointments. I poked my head inside.

"There you are," Bunny said. I extended the folded paper bag to her. "Thanks. I need that." She put a straw into her milk shake.

"Where are all the clients'?" I asked.

"No clients," she said simply. "All the curiosity-seekers have gotten a look at the new premises. You've turned down jobs from all the prospects who made appointments. They started talking to one another when you took a break, and they just left."

"Oh," I said. "I didn't anticipate that. So, no one's going to hire me?" I felt my heart drop to my knees.

Bunny reached over and patted my hand. "Just be patient. Let's distribute some more cards, and see who turns up."

The next visitor wasn't a potential client, but an old friend. The lent flap yielded to a scaly green hand. I was out of my seat and halfway across the room before I realized that the Pervect entering my office was not Aahz.

"Hi, Pookie," I said, slowing to a walk. My heart took a little longer to return to its normal pace. "Hi, Spider."

Aahz's cousin was a good deal younger than he was, a lot more slender and, if you can believe it of a Pervect, more formidable-looking. She favored clingy jumpsuits, which served to distract opponents and conceal a surprising number of weapons, considering how tightly they hugged her body, an action I was very unlikely to emulate. We shook hands. Behind her was a skinny Klahd female whom I recognized as Spider. The two of them had been working together both as operatives for M.Y.T.H., Inc. and on their own. Spider gave me a shy grin.

"How's it going?" she asked.

"All right so far," I said cautiously.

"You don't have to try and fool us, Skeeve," the Pervect said, showing her four-inch teeth. "Thanks for the referrals, by the way. I just got back from bringing a runaway Nymph home to her family. Guido is out on a job to negotiate the return of a family heirloom. The clients said you told them to come to us, but not to tell us you sent them. That wasn't necessary."

"Is everyone still mad at me?" I asked. I didn't mean to sound plaintive, but I guess I did.

"No one's really mad," Spider said. "We were a little surprised, I suppose. It's funny: after all of them wishing for so long that you would come back, when you did turn up, they didn't react too well."

"It's my fault," I said. "I guess I should have come in and talked about it before."

Pookie shook her head. "It wouldn't matter how you did it. It was a big change. You just administered it in one single shock. We all knew you'd take over the Bazaar again if you came back. I guess no one had thought about how it would really affect them."

"But I might not have come back here," I said, a little peeved. "I could have set up in some other

dimension. Maybe not Klah, but there are other places where my talents would be appreciated."

"Get real," Pookie said, without rancor, but without sympathy, either. "The Bazaar is like the crossroads of the world. You might have bought a storefront in Flibber 3 3 For a useful travelogue of the delights of Flibber, read Myth-Taken Identity, another fine tale. or somewhere with a big, cosmopolitan population, but this is where people go first to find what they're looking for. Everywhere else is second-best. We all knew you'd come back here one day."

"It sounds obvious when you say it like that," I said.

"You know it, too. So, we should all have been talking more. It doesn't matter," the Pervect female said, shrugging. "There's room for all of us, as long as you don't move in on the old turf. It's ours now, and we need it. If you start showing an interest, we'll all go broke. Guido might as well move M.Y.T.H., Inc. into The Mall in Flibber next to Hamsterama. I'm sure you'll make a bundle."

"But I have no clients yet."

Spider gave me a big hug, and I felt my spirits rise.

"Don't worry. Once they know the Great Skeeve is back in business, they'll beat a path to your door."

They turned to go. Pookie looked back at me.

"Just one more thing. Skeeve. Not everyone is completely thrilled about your return. Just a friendly reminder."

"Who?" I asked, alarmed.

She shook her head. "I just heard it from one of my connections. Thought you ought to know. Keep your back covered. That's all."

I set my jaw grimly. "Thanks for the warning," I said.

Bunny's eyes were wide. "I wonder where that rumor came from?"

I gnawed on a knuckle. "I can't pretend I don't have enemies," I said. I had plenty, if I stopped to think about it.

With Pookie's words in mind, I shored up the defenses in our tent. Using the plentiful energy from the force lines overhead, I strung several fine lines of magik that would warn us of intruders. Then I leaned out the back door of our tent, into the fenced-in yard that abutted our office building in the next dimension. The sky was overcast, and a light drizzle was falling, but the white beast munching grass at the far end of the enclosure didn't seem bothered by it.