Dove Levy: Way Station

I almost want to stick around for another storm like that, but Dr. Federman suspects that the virus was blown here by the storm as well, as around the time the storm hit was when they all got sick. At least there’s a bit of a comfort here. They weren’t terrified or in horrible pain when they died. They were happy.

I don’t feel quite as cheery anymore.

I want to log just how peaceful it is here before we reach the northern continent. That place is harsh, from what we’ve been told. Harsh weather, harsh terrain, and plenty of chances to die if we make a single mistake. We’ll have to drive slowly and stop often. They’d cleared the roads as often as possible, but still, the weather made for constant blockages that needed to be dealt with several times on any one trip, and now it’s been months since any of the roads were cleared. It’s the most difficult place to be on POGE, and the thought of what awaits us makes me want to stay here for the rest of my life.

So, peace. Peace on this tropical island, a beautiful one from what we saw of the pictures taken by the mapping teams when people first arrived on POGE. Peace from malevolent watery monsters, peace from evil little leeches, peace from devastating storms, and peace from the uncertainty that’s plagued us at the wild deaths of the teams previous. For today, while the ferry charges, I don’t want to think.

I would live here if I could. Dr. Federman and I were talking just now, and he agrees. I know I said I wouldn’t want to live here no matter what, but that was before I saw Telle. ‘Saw’ being relative, because I still can’t actually see very much of it. But I’m on my own kind of high right now — and, yes, that one was intentional — off the calm lately. It took no more than half a day for us to finish all the autopsies, and we’ve already buried the deceased in the station’s designated grave plot. That, too, is different about this island than the others. Nobody, until this storm came, had fallen victim to any kind of illness, accident, homicide, or any other kind of death here. This place was, truly, a haven, both before POGE left its solar system and up until the storm hit.

I’m not allowing myself to think of the storm for a while. That can come on the way to the northern continent, as we prepare for what’s next. I’m not thinking about the storm, I’m not thinking about the alarm — whose origin, we now know, also didn’t originate on Telle — and I’m not thinking about aliens. Only the island.

We were talking just now, as I already said. The stars look truly gorgeous tonight. I’m in the lobby, lying on one of the sofas, and looking up through the skylight at them. Dr. Federman was next to me just now, but in his absence as he goes to draw alone for a while, I decided it’d be a good time to just ramble. That is what I’m doing [laughs]. Rambling. I’m very good at that when I’m comfortable.

And I’ve found myself becoming more and more comfortable around him. It’s rare when that happens. I can’t deny that part of it is how we need to trust each other, rely on each other, because otherwise we’re both screwed. But he’s also a pretty good person.

There isn’t much of an opportunity to use them when it’s just us two here, but I remember that during our initiation and training, he never once messed up on my pronouns. Most of the staff, infuriatingly, called me ‘she’ all the time, but Dr. Federman never used anything other than ‘they’. He’s pretty cool.

He still won’t talk all that much about his past, but he mentioned, under his breath, something about medical bills, and I can piece together the basics. How sad is that, that these days one needs to risk his life again and again up here just to pay the bills? The world is falling faster and faster towards destruction. Then again, it’s also sad that I need to risk my life up here just to make sure my parents and brother can live out of poverty for the rest of their days. Humanity preaches caring for its own, but really, nobody gives a thought to anyone outside of themselves and their own families. I’m no longer sure anyone would protest if they knew we were up here and why.

Maybe if we died, someone else who works under our bosses will listen to this diary and realize what’s so screwed up about the situation and they’ll share it with people who would fight against this. Though, then again, considering our treatment thus far, if that happened maybe our families, or whoever it is Dr. Federman needs to pay the bills for, will stop getting payments. These people have already shown their lack of care towards individual lives as opposed to the bigger picture, and if they’d send us up here in our current situations, I have no idea what they’ll do if they get angry.

No, no. No, Eve. This is supposed to be a happy day, a happy entry. No more of this crap. Just look at the stars.

Hold… on. Hold on. [off-mic] Doctor?

We shouldn’t be able to see stars.

[laughter]

Oh, these are beautiful! That’s the problem with an audio diary, is I can’t attach any pictures. I wish I could keep the pictures I did take, so if I get home I’ll have them on my computer and probably as my desktop background for the rest of my natural life. I don’t think I’ll ever forget them, though, so at least I have that.

We must really be out of it. We were talking about the stars for like ten minutes before, sharing stories — well, he was listening to my stories — and we didn’t even notice!

After the southern continent, I didn’t think I would be happy to find aliens, but here they are, and they’re bright and gorgeous and enormous! Oh, big beauties, you are.

The closest thing they resemble is slugs, but I’ve never seen a slug that looks like this, nor one so big. They’re easily the length of my entire upper body, my head included, nearly as thick around, and filled with bioluminescent pinpricks of light that look like little galaxies nestled within their amazing selves. We went outside and they were crawling all over the outside of the facility. They don’t leave trails like actual slugs, but they do leave behind this odd little powdery residue that sparkles under our flashlights.

I want to study one like we studied the gangly jellyfish things, but there is no power in this world that will bring me to kill and cut open one of these pretty little darlings. Oh, I didn’t realize how much I’d missed crawlies. First things I ever forced myself to conquer my fear of, you know that, Doctor? Was terrified of any kind of bug or spider, no matter how harmless I knew they were — even flies and grasshoppers — but there were just so many of them around my home that by the time I was eight or so, I decided it was too much for me to keep getting scared out of my wits every other day, and Mom helped me get over them to the point where I came to adore them all, even to keep some as pets over the years.

These are so much more gorgeous than any of those I’d loved back home. Never seen something like them. It really does look like whole universes within them.

If it wasn’t directly transmitted by the storm, these may have been the carriers of whatever disease killed the research team. Unless there are other critters out there as well who did. Alien mosquitos. There’s a sobering mental image.

We’re safe though, all secure in our walking suits, and so I have more than enough reason to continue letting these beautiful things crawl all over me [laughs].

There’s one on Dr. Fed — on Isaac’s head. We’ve been together long enough that it sounds weird to refer to him so formally.