Charles Stross - The Fuller Memorandum

“She’s with Oscar-Oscar, isn’t she?”

“Yup.” Pants: on. Tee shirt: on. Trousers: next in queue.

“You’d better go.” She sounds serious. “Phone me the instant you hear something.”

I glance at the alarm. “It’s twenty to five.”

“I don’t mind.” She pulls the bedding into shape. “Take care.”

“And you,” I say, as I head downstairs, carrying my holstered pistol.

I’m standing in the front hall when blue and red strobes light up the window glass above the door. I open it in the face of a cop. “Mr. Howard?” she asks.

“That’s me.” I hold up my warrant card and her eyes age a little.

“Come with me, please,” she says, and opens the rear door for me. I strap myself in and we’re off for another strobe-lit taxi ride through the wilds of South London, speeding alarmingly down narrow shuttered streets and careening around roundabouts in the gray pre-dawn light until, after a surprisingly short time, we pull up outside the staff entrance to a certain store.

The door is open. Jo is waiting for me. One look at her face tells me it’s bad. Angleton warned me: This is where it starts. I tense. “What’s happened?” I ask.

“Come this way.” Jo leads me up the stairwell. The lights are on, which is abnormal, and I hear footsteps-not the steady shuffle of the night staff, but boots and raised voices. Something in the air makes me think of a kicked anthill.

We head past reception where a couple of blue-suited security men are standing guard over a stapler and six paper clips, then back along the corridor past Iris’s corner office, then round the bend to-

“Fuck,” I say, unable to contain myself. My office door is closed. But I can see the interior, because there’s a gigantic hole in the door, as if someone hit it with a wrecking ball. (Except a wrecking ball would leave rough jagged edges of splintered wood, while the rim of this particular hole looks oddly melted.) The interior isn’t much better; an avalanche of paper and scraps of broken metal are strewn across half an overturned desk. A thin blue glow clings patchily to some of the wreckage, fading slowly even as I watch. “What happened?”

“Am hoping you tell us.” It’s Boris, bags under his eyes and an expression as dark as midnight on the winter solstice. When did he get back? Wasn’t he doing something overseas connected with BLOODY BARON…?

“What have you done, Bob?” Jo grabs my left elbow. “First a civilian FATACC, now this. What are you into?”

I blink stupidly at the destruction. “My secure document safe, is it…?”

She shakes her head. “We won’t know until we go inside. It’s still active.” I feel a thin prickling on the back of my neck. Demonic intruders have been at work, summoned to retrieve something. Angleton was right, I realize.

“What did you have in your safe?”

“I’m not sure you’re cleared-”

Boris clears his throat. “Is cleared, Bob. I will clear her. What was in safe? What attracted attention of burglars in night?”

I squint through the hole in the door. “I had documents relating to several codeword projects in there,” I say. “The stacks can probably reconstruct my withdrawal record, and once it’s safe to go in there we can work out what is missing.”

“Bob, you went to the archives in person yesterday.” Jo tightens her grip on my elbow, painfully tight. “What did you withdraw most recently? Tell us!”

Truth and consequences time. “I asked for a copy of the Fuller Memorandum,” I tell her, which is entirely true and correct: “I was following up something Angleton told me to do a while ago.” Which is also entirely correct, and the most misleading thing I’ve said in front of witnesses all year.

“Fuller Memo-” I see a flicker of recognition on Boris’s face. “Tell me, when you go home last night, is Fuller Memorandum in safe?”

I nod. I don’t trust my tongue at this point because, as the man who used to be president said, it all depends on what you mean by the word “is.”

Jo stares at Boris. “What classification level are we talking about?” she asks.

Boris doesn’t answer at once. He’s staring at me, and if looks could kill, I’d be a tiny pile of ash right now. “Does Angleton say you are to the memorandum read?” he asks.

“Yup. Took me a while to track it down,” I extemporize. “So I left it in the safe overnight; I was going to look at it today.” All of which is truthful enough that I will happily repeat it in front of an Audit Panel, knowing that if I tell a lie in front of them the blood will boil in my veins and I won’t die-

Boris looks at Jo and nods, minutely. “Am thanking you for calling me. This is mess.”

“What was in the memo that’s so red-hot?” I ask, pushing my luck, because somewhere in all the fuss of expediting Angleton’s little scheme-taking the forgery he’d prepared and inserting it into the archives, then withdrawing it and planting the bait in my office safe-I hadn’t gotten round to asking him just what the original was about.

“Memorandum is control binding scripture for asset called Eater of Souls,” Boris says, and strangely he refuses to meet my eyes. “Codeword is TEAPOT. Consequences of loss-unspeakable.”

“Oh, shit.” I swear with feeling, because I’m not totally stupid: I worked out who Teapot was some time ago. I didn’t realize the Fuller Memorandum was his control document, though. The control document is the source code and activation signature for the geas that binds the entity called Teapot-the thing that over an eighty-year span became Angleton. It doesn’t even matter that our safe-breakers have stolen a ringer-at least, I assume Angleton gave me a ringer-the fact that they knew what to look for in the first place is really bad news.

“You’d better come with me,” says Jo, and I suddenly notice that she’s shifted her grip to my forearm and she’s got fingers like handcuffs. “Form R60 time, Bob. And this time it’s not just a FATACC enquiry. As soon as my people have gone over the incident scene with a fine-toothed comb this will be going before the Auditors. I’m sorry.”

I DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT £200, AND DO NOT BUY Piccadilly Circus. I don’t go to jail, either-not yet-but by the middle of the morning a thirty-year stretch in Wormwood Scrubs would come as a blessed relief.

“Committee of enquiry will come to order.”

I’ve been here before, and I didn’t like it the first time. The panel has requisitioned a small conference room, furnished in nineties government brutalist-lite: Aeron chairs and bleached pine table, health and safety posters on one wall, security notices on the other. The tribunal sits at the far end of the table, like a pin-striped hanging judge and his assistants. And they’ve rolled out that fucking carpet again, the one with the gold thread design woven into it, and the Enochian inscription, and the live summoning grid powerful enough to twist tendons and snap bones.

There is no peanut gallery at this trial. Jo is waiting outside with a couple of blue-suiters and the other designated witnesses, but the Auditors want no inconvenient onlookers who might have to be bound to silence or memory-wiped, should I accidentally disclose material above their level of classification.

“Please state your name and job title.” There’s a recorder on the desk, as usual: its light is glowing red.

“Bob Howard. Senior Specialist Officer grade 3. Personal assistant to Tea-er, DSS Angleton.”

That causes a minor stir. One of the Auditors-female, blonde, lateforties-turns sideways and says something to the others that I ought to be able to hear, but can’t. The other two nod. She turns back and addresses me directly. “Mr. Howard. You are aware of the terms of this investigation. You are aware of the geas it is conducted under. You have our special dispensation to respond to any question, the first time it is posed-and only the first time-by warning us if in your judgment the reply would require you to disclose codeword-classified information. Please state your understanding of this variance, in your own words.”