Isaac Asimov: Spell My Name with an S

Zebatinsky rose. “Well, agreed.—This is all confidential, now.”

“Perfectly. You will have all your information back when I tell you what change to make and you have my word that I will never make any further use of any of it.”

The nuclear physicist stopped at the door. “Aren’t you afraid I might tell someone you’re not a numerologist?”

The numerologist shook his head. “Who would believe you, my friend? Even supposing you were willing to admit to anyone that you’ve been here.”

On the twentieth, Marshall Zebatinsky was at the paint-peeling door, glancing sideways at the shop front with the little card up against the glass reading “Numerology,” dimmed and scarcely legible through the dust. He peered in, almost hoping that someone else would be there already so that he might have an excuse to tear up the wavering intention in his mind and go home.

He had tried wiping the thing out of his mind several times. He could never stick at filling out the necessary data for long. It was embarrassing to work at it. He felt incredibly silly filling out the names of his friends, the cost of his house, whether his wife had had any miscarriages, if so, when. He abandoned it.

But he couldn’t stick at stopping altogether either. He returned to it each evening.

It was the thought of the computer that did it, perhaps; the thought of the infernal gall of the little man pretending he had a computer. The temptation to call the bluff, see what would happen, proved irresistible after all.

He finally sent off the completed data by ordinary mail, putting on nine cents worth of stamps without weighing the letter. If it comes back, he thought, I’ll call it off.

It didn’t come back.

He looked into the shop now and it was empty. Zebatinsky had no choice but to enter. A bell tinkled.

The old numerologist emerged from a curtained door.

“Yes?—Ah, Dr. Zebatinsky.”

“You remember me?” Zebatinsky tried to smile.

“Oh, yes.”

“What’s the verdict?”

The numerologist moved one gnarled hand over the other. “Before that, sir, there’s a little—”

“A little matter of the fee?”

“I have already done the work, sir. I have earned the money.”

Zebatinsky raised no objection. He was prepared to pay. If he had come this far, it would be silly to turn back just because of the money.

He counted out five ten-dollar bills and shoved them across the counter. “Well?”

The numerologist counted the bills again slowly, then pushed them into a cash drawer in his desk.

He said, “Your case was very interesting. I would advise you to change your name to Sebatinsky.”

“Seba—How do you spell that?”

“S-e-b-a-t-i-n-s-k-y.”

Zebatinsky stared indignantly. “You mean change the initial? Change the Z to an S? That’s all?”

“It’s enough. As long as the change is adequate, a small change is safer than a big one.”

“But how could the change affect anything?”

“How could any name?” asked the numerologist softly. “I can’t say. It may, somehow, and that’s all I can say. Remember, I don’t guarantee results. Of course, if you do not wish to make the change, leave things as they are. But in that case I cannot refund the fee.”

Zebatinsky said, “What do I do? Just tell everyone to spell my name with an 5?”

“If you want my advice, consult a lawyer. Change your name legally. He can advise you on little things.”

“How long will it all take? I mean for things to improve for me?”

“How can I tell? Maybe never. Maybe tomorrow.”

“But you saw the future. You claim you see it.”

“Not as in a crystal ball. No, no, Dr. Zebatinsky. All I get out of my computer is a set of coded figures. I can recite probabilities to you, but I saw no pictures.”

Zebatinsky turned and walked rapidly out of the place. Fifty dollars to change a letter! Fifty dollars for Sebatinsky! Lord, what a name! Worse than Zebatinsky.

It took another month before he could make up his mind to see a lawyer, and then he finally went.

He told himself he could always change the name back. Give it a chance, he told himself. Hell, there was no law against it.

Henry Brand looked through the folder page by page, with the practiced eye of one who had been in Security for fourteen years. He didn’t have to read every word. Anything peculiar would have leaped off the paper and punched him in the eye.

He said, “The man looks clean to me.” Henry Brand looked clean, too; with a soft, rounded paunch and a pink and freshly scrubbed complexion. It was as though continuous contact with all sorts of human failings, from possible ignorance to possible treason, had compelled him into frequent washings.

Lieutenant Albert Quincy, who had brought him the folder, was young and filled with the responsibility of being Security officer at the Hanford Station. “But why Sebatinsky?” he demanded.

“Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense. Zebatinsky is a foreign name and I’d change it myself if I had it, but I’d change it to something Anglo-Saxon. If Zebatinsky had done that, it would make sense and I wouldn’t give it a second thought. But why change a Z to an S? I think we must find out what his reasons were.”

“Has anyone asked him directly?”

“Certainly. In ordinary conversation, of course. I was careful to arrange that. He won’t say anything more than that he’s tired of being last in the alphabet.”

“That could be, couldn’t it, Lieutenant?”

“It could, but why not change his name to Sands or Smith, if he wants an S? Or if he’s that tired of Z, why not go the whole way and change it to an A? Why not a name like—uh—Aarons?”

“Not Anglo-Saxon enough,” muttered Brand. Then, “But there’s nothing to pin against the man. No matter how queer a name change may be, that alone can’t be used against anyone.”

Lieutenant Quincy looked markedly unhappy.

Brand said, “Tell me, Lieutenant, there must be something specific that bothers you. Something in your mind; some theory; some gimmick. What is it?”

The lieutenant frowned. His light eyebrows drew together and his lips tightened. “Well, damn it, sir, the man’sa Russian.”

Brand said, “He’s not that. He’s a third-generation American.”

“I mean his name’s Russian.”

Brand’s face lost some of its deceptive softness. “No, Lieutenant, wrong again. Polish.”

The lieutenant pushed his hands out impatiently, palms up. “Same thing.”

Brand, whose mother’s maiden name had been Wiszewski, snapped, “Don’t tell that to a Pole, Lieutenant.”—Then, more thoughtfully, “Or to a Russian either, I suppose.”

“What I’m trying to say, sir,” said the lieutenant, reddening, “is that the Poles and Russians are both on the other side of the Curtain.”

“We all know that.”

“And Zebatinsky or Sebatinsky, whatever you want to call him, may have relatives there.”

“He’s third generation. He might have second cousins there, I suppose. So what?”

“Nothing in itself. Lots of people may have distant relatives there. But Zebatinsky changed his name.”

“Go on.”

“Maybe he’s trying to distract attention. Maybe a second cousin over there is getting too famous and our Zebatinsky is afraid that the relationship may spoil his own chances of advancement.”

“Changing his name won’t do any good. He’d still be a second cousin.”

“Sure, but he wouldn’t feel as though he were shoving the relationship in our face.”

“Have you ever heard of any Zebatinsky on the other side?”

“No, sir.”

“Then he can’t be too famous. How would our Zebatinsky know about him?”