Mike Resnick - I, Alien

Surely you are anything but ordinary, you are a breeder of some repute even in your era&

Thank you for your attenuation.

Genuinely,

Torthan Volbiss

1624.22 ABR, Herovit’s World

Dear Mike,

Thank you for tolerating my use of your first name! Also thank you for the language lesson, I will confine myself to ! ? and . .

Are you always so polite to your data-friends. I am impressed that you have answered all sixteen of my packets within one sunturn ? You must have a great deal of time on your maniples , my elucidator says you will be a wonderful mentor for this study. I agree, I can feel it in my skeletal structure ? It is very kind of you to answer my questions?

I am sorry to hear you are no longer breeding canines, although I agree that the invention of dentistry has probably made this unnecessary. My misunderstanding due to lingual problems, I am sure. Sometimes the convertor does not decode to perfection.

I am sorry I do not share your tongue, but the MicroMac will have to do as yours is a dead tongue. Perhaps eventually we can share tongues and become closer.

What is your habitat like, do you have wives! If so, where are they kept when their mouthpieces are turned off. Do you regularly apneate in a cama or a Landsend !

I must penitate that this project did not seem like much fun when it was assigned to me, but I am beginning to enjoy it.

Your new friend,

Friendily,

Torthan V.

1624.29 ABR, Darkover

Hi! Mike! How! are! you!

This was a joke as I have been wrestling your era. You said to use only one punctuate! . or ? This was only one for each word.

Are you laughing now. I am?

It is hard to translate humor, for instance I did not understand that your earlier reference to canines and dentistry was a joke. I will endeavor to be more attentive in future/past/present.

It is also difficult for me to understand what you mean by many of your references, since I do not have the scaffolding to compare. Perhaps you could hurl at me a story to scan ! I promise to regard it with open eyes ?

I am sorry for rushing but I am overdue at ergball and must soar .

Rapidly,

Torthan V.

1624.39 ABR, Rama III

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your many answers, and the lesson on punctuation. I have reported your educational efforts to my elucidator, who has invited you to give a sermon here when science permits. This is a very great honor, I am pleased to present it to you!

I did not realize a sentient of your standing was permitted only one wife. Is this by custom or by chance? Also, what do you do when she is worn out? Are there many replacements available?

I am afraid I have not read any of your fiction, it is not encouraged in my family as we are reproduced for science. I am familiar with a writer of your era called Connie Willis, however, as we have elucidated her works in our econosociobiology class. They are not fiction, is that correct!

ABR is standing in for After Bush Resigning or After Bioengineering Replacement or something of the sort. I am not an ancient history major and do not know the answers to many of your questions, including also whether your fiction has survived and where the last Worldcon was. I do remember from early studying that the concept of World was outlawed after the inhabitation of Hominid II and its subsequent stubborn insistence on taking over its galaxy.

Sincerely,

Torthan V.

1624.41 ABR, Trantor

Dear Mike,

I am sorry I cannot check the bookstores as we do not have any. Or libraries.

Perhaps I am vocalizing inadequately. Information is transferred directly from RNA before birth. Those who are unable to retain information are culled. That is why the MicroMac is so important! Much information was lost in the aevum since your time, and you are helping to replace it in me! Because of you I am confident that my progeny will not be culled!

I anxiously await one of your chronicles, as I am also going through pubertization and hoping there will be some “pointers” in it because you seem to be very wise. Particularly in your commentary about wives and their replacements.

I anxiously await your box

Frankly,

Torthan V.

1624.48 ABR, Pern

Dear Mike,

I am having great enjoyment in slinging your story words at my allies . I’ll be damned! that is correct yes?

Thank you for sending a most interesting chronicle, however you of all must know there are no elephants on Neptune. They were evacuated many universes ago.

I have gained credit nonetheless, as my former science elucidator was quite surprised that you are only a canine breeder who is a writer on the fringe , yet you know things from studies he thought were done many-mega later. He asks how did you realize the psychic bond elephants have, are there elephant genetics in your background?

Are you by chance the pen-alias of Dr. Asimov, and involved in this research?

Also thank you for sending me the list of “awards” you have received, though I was not familiar with the word. In researching your communications stream I see it means you were given a pat on the head for excellence. We do not have “awards” for excellence as it is assumed if you are not culled you will be excellent.

I am thinking of changing my majority field to one which will help me understand you better. There is an ancient history course available on Asimov V which refers to the little-known genus called “science fiction,” the fiction of science. Since you are as you say a “science fiction writer,” this will enable us to tongue more efficiently. And as it will also work with my science course, I am moving there in 3 parsecs and will not be available for the duration. I would appreciate any chronicles you could send in the interim turns.

Yours in excitement,

Excitedly,

Torthan

1625.12 ABR, Asimov V

Dear Mike,

My new elucidator of science fiction was quite engulfed that I am in correspondence with you! She says my enthusiasm rating is high enough to qualify for a complete major change! This would enable me to enter the higher academicia and perhaps even graduate at some point in future! Please send more “stories,” The Return of Santiago was very interesting even though there are no known planets of any description you use.

I am thinking of naming my initial progeny Peacemaker Angel One-Note MacDougal Volbiss in your honor. In fact, I am thinking of changing my majority report completely because of the effect you have had on me.

I am wondering if you have an opinion, should I become a breeder of canines or a science fiction writer? Both fields are, as you would say, broadly ajar here.

Please answer soon as I will get extra credit for your haste.

Earnestly,

Torthan

1625.13 ABR, Asimov V

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your answer. It does seem that since canines are only permitted on Stapledon I, II, and III, and they appear to breed themselves adequately without anyone’s help, the profession of science fiction writer would be best.

There are no other science fiction writers on the known planets, although this does not infer that they do not exist in other dimensions. I would be the first here, which will also give me much esteem and will once and for always restore my family name.

I have been reading the advice you sent me in I’ve Got This Nifty Idea and have what I believe to be a Nifty Idea. When I am finished may I submit it to you?

Wonderingly,

Torthan

1625.18 ABR, Asimov V

Dear Mr. Resnick,

In the mannerism of formal speaking as you suggest when a new author (myself, Torthan Volbiss!) is making submissions, below you will find my “story” How the Slime Gods Conquered Terra!” I am very excited because I have (I believe for the first time in science fiction history!) managed to combine true science and true storytelling!