A. Van Vogt: Rogue Ship

Lesbee did not trust himself to speak. He nodded, pretended to inspect the room, and then went out – scarcely looking where he was going.

For an hour he wandered around the ship and, gradually, a coherent purpose formed in his mind. He must see his father.

That was unique because he had not spoken to his father except in monosyllables since his mother's death.

He found the old man in the spacious living room of the apartment the two of them shared. At seventy-odd, John Lesbee had learned to keep his counsel, so he merely glanced up when his son entered, greeted him courteously, and resumed reading.

A minute went by before the father grew aware that his son had not gone on to his own bedroom. He glanced up again, surprised now. 'Yes?' he said. 'Anything I can do for you?'

Young Lesbee hesitated. A formless emotion was upon him, a desire to be at peace with the other. He had never forgiven his father for the death of his mother.

He said abruptly, 'Dad, why did Mother kill herself?'

Captain Lesbee put down his book. He seemed suddenly paler, though the color was hard to judge on a face that was naturally gray-white. He drew a slow, deep breath. 'We-e-l-ll,' he said, 'what a question!' His voice sounded breathless, and his eyes were bright.

'I think I should know,' Lesbee persisted.

There was silence – that lengthened. The lined face of the old man continued to be colorless; his eyes remained unnaturally bright.

Lesbee II went on, 'She used to talk to me in a bitter way, all against you, but I never understood it.'

Captain Lesbee was nodding, half to himself. He seemed to have come to a decision, for he straightened. 'I took advantage of her,' he said evenly. 'She was my ward, and as she grew older she became attractive to me as a woman and I felt desire. Under normal circumstances I should have kept such feelings to myself, and she would normally have gone off and married some young man of her own generation. But I convinced myself that she would at least be alive if she went with me. In this way, I betrayed her trust in me, which was that of a child for a father and not that of a woman for her lover.'

Since he had never thought of his mother as being particularly young, Lesbee II found it difficult to grasp that this was what had caused her to have such intense emotions. Yet he recognized that he had been given an honest statement. Nonetheless, it was a moment for all the truth, not just a part of it, and so he went on: 'She used to call you stupid and' – he hesitated – 'and other things. One thing you're not is stupid. But, sir, Mother swore to me that the death of Mr. Tellier was not an accident, as you said. She, uh, called you a murderer.'

The color was creeping into his father's cheeks, an ever so faint flush. The old man sat for a long moment, smiling faintly. Then: 'Only time will tell, Johnny, whether I'm a genius or a fool. I proved more than a match for Tellier but that was because he had to nerve himself for each step, and with my greater experience I could see what was coming next. Someday, I'll tell you about that long, drawn-out struggle. With his knowledge of the equipment aboard, he could have defeated me. But he was never quite as strongly motivated as I was.'

He must have realized the explanation was too generalized, for he continued after only a moment: 'I can explain it all in a few sentences. On takeoff, Tellier took it for granted that we would be able to attain very nearly the speed of light and so obtain the benefits predicted by the Lorentz-Fitzgerald Contraction Theory. We couldn't do it – as you know. The drive fell far short of Tellier's theoretical expectations. As soon as he realized that we were in for a long voyage, he wanted to turn back. Naturally, I couldn't let him do that. He thereupon went into a state of mind verging on the psychotic, and he was in that condition when he had his accident.'

'Why would Mother hold that against you?'

The elder Lesbee shrugged. Something of that long-ago impatience he must have felt, thickened his voice as he said, 'Your mother never did understand what Tellier and I were wrangling about, in terms of its scientific meaning. But she did know that he wanted to turn back. Since she wanted that also, she maintained that his knowledge as an astrophysicist was superior to mine as a mere astronomer, and that, therefore, I was stupidly opposing the views of a man who really knew the facts.'

'I see.' Young Lesbee was silent, then: 'I've never understood the Lorentz-Fitzgerald Contraction Theory, nor what it was that you discovered about the sun that made you undertake this voyage.'

The older man looked at him thoughtfully. 'It's a long, involved idea,' he said. 'For example, it's not the sun itself but a warp in space which I analyzed. This warp should by now have caused the destruction of the solar system.'

'But the sun didn't flare up.'

'I never said it would,' said his father in an irritated tone.' He broke off: 'My boy, you'll find my detailed report among the ship's scientific papers, and also available is Dr. Tellier's account of his experiments in attempting to reach high speed. His papers contain a description of the famous Lorentz-Fitzgerald Contraction Theory. Why don't you read it all when you have time.'

The youth hesitated. He was not eager to hear a long, scientific account, particularly at this hour of the night. But he recognized that this communication with his father was taking place because he himself was in an overstimulated condition; it might be a one-time occurrence. And so, after a moment, he persisted: 'But why didn't the ship speed up as predicted? What went wrong?'

He added quickly, 'Oh, I realize lectures were given on the subject but, knowing you, I feel that they were what you wanted people to believe in the interests of the voyage. What's the truth?'

The old man's eyes twinkled suddenly, then he chuckled. 'I really turned out to have a natural instinct for knowing how to maintain discipline and morale, didn't I?' He grew somber. 'I wish I could inject some of that into you.' He broke off. 'But never mind. Your observation is correct. I told the people what I wanted them to think. The actual truth is substantially what I have already told you. When Tellier discovered that the ejected particles could not be speeded up to the point where they would expand, it became necessary to conserve our fuel supply. Theoretically, particles expanded to the level predicted for them at the velocity of light would have given us almost infinite power on a thimbleful of fuel. As it is, we used up hundreds of tons of fuel to get the ship up to 15 per cent of light-speed. Since by that time, we could calculate our fuel situation in terms of simple additive and subtractive arithmetic, I ordered the engines shut off. We've been coasting ever since at that speed. We'll have to use an equal amount of fuel tonnage to slow down when we get to Centaurus. If things work out when we arrive there, then, of course, no problem. But if they don't, then somewhere, sometime, we're going to pay the price for Tellier's failure.'

'What price?' Lesbee II asked.

'No fuel,' said his father laconically.

'Oh!'

'One more thing,' said the old man. 'I am perfectly aware that people believe there is still an Earth, despite my prediction, and that I am the subject of bitter criticism in this area. I thought this over years ago, and I decided it is better for me to suffer a loss of pride than to argue with them. Reason: my authority derives from Earth. If people actually came to believe that Earth had indeed been destroyed, then all of us in power – me, you, and the other officers – would no longer be able to do what I did tonight: remind dissidents what Earth does to those who disobey its mandate.'