Steven Campbell - Hard Luck Hank - Basketful of Crap

There was a giant metal sphere fused with the road about halfway up the block.

Inside the bubble was ZR3. The robot who had gone on a rampage and had given me a permanent limp, had broken Wallow’s ankle, and killed innumerable Navy soldiers, and it took a level-ten mutant just to stop it—not even destroy it.

“Practice this phrase,” Delovoa said, as he readied his equipment. “Shaeol Bruesti.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Stop.”

“Can’t you say it?”

“If it kills me, you’re going to want to know it. And here.”

He handed me a big tarp. We had a theory that ZR3 “might” deactivate when it was denied light. So I was going to chase around a homicidal robot, who was the biggest badass on the station, with a blanket.

It was hours and hours of Delovoa drilling and cutting at the bubble.

I didn’t know if we could control ZR3, but I knew it had beat up Wallow. I hoped it could take out the Portal.

If it went crazy again, well that would just be another thing to worry about. I practiced the phrase as I waited.

Delovoa backed away from the sphere but it looked completely intact.

“What have you been doing all this time?” I asked.

“Weakening it.”

I was about to ask when I heard scraping. The metal sphere was very slowly deforming. ZR3 was pushing out from the inside!

I got my blanket ready. I should have wet it first so it would be stickier and have some weight.

I could see the bubble separating along Delovoa’s mathematically precise incisions.

As the containment sphere was about to split apart completely, Delovoa yelled the phrase.

All movement stopped.

Delovoa looked back at me with a relieved expression.

“Wasn’t sure that would work,” he said.

We did not know what ZR3 was, if it was a Dredel Led robot or an ancient Colmarian robot or something altogether different. We knew it responded to some ancient Colmarian phrases and had sat in Delovoa’s basement, deactivated, for over a decade until we accidentally woke it up.

We could see its legs sticking out from its burst metal cocoon. It was about eight feet tall, half that wide, and three feet deep. Solid white in color, with no rivets or screws or bolts anywhere.

Its arms and legs were square columns and it lacked hands. Delovoa speculated it was designed to push something. It had no head or neck, but the front contained a dark hole that looked like a single eye. In simple, large black letters on its right front was stenciled “ZR3.”

When you said those letters, it would answer in the affirmative. We didn’t know if that was its name or translated into something else. Such as, “Do you like the smell of peppermint?”

“You ready to try this?” he asked.

Seeing it right there, I was really having my doubts. It was the cause of my only permanent injuries.

Most Colmarians, since we were little children, were told scary stories about robots—we had none in our entire empire. They were illegal. Dredel Led were an unfriendly robotic species. So we were suspicious, terrified more like it, of all robots.

ZR3 sat under a tarp in Delovoa’s basement perfectly content and then went on a killing spree, perfectly content. You can’t reason with a machine. Delovoa and I were armed with keywords and blankets, that’s the logic of robots. Even Therezians I could understand. I couldn’t hurt them, but I could understand them.

“I suppose,” I said uneasily.

Delovoa spouted more gibberish and ZR3 continued his push out. That was steel alloy and it was walking through like it was thick soup.

When it was free, Delovoa froze it again. I really hope he didn’t suddenly lose his voice.

Delovoa walked in front and ZR3 followed him. I was behind them both.

We encountered a number of people along the way, but if I was scared of seeing it, normal, squishy people ran away screaming.

It took us hours to reach the southwest and be able to see the tops of the Therezians.

I went ahead of the group now, scouting for cover. I moved from shadow to shadow. It was amazing that the Therezians had only been here a short while and already I had developed the finely-tuned instincts of a cockroach.

We got as close to the Therezians as we felt safe and could see the Portal monoliths clearly.

Delovoa motioned me to step back.

He gave what sounded like a very complex set of instructions to ZR3.

Immediately it took off at a run towards the Portal. ZR3 running was a frightening thing. It was so heavy it actually created dimples in the sprayed roadwork that covers Belvaille. But for all that weight, it was incredibly fast.

There was what must have been a hundred-foot Therezian right in front of us and ZR3 ran straight up to it and began attacking its toes.

“What? Does it have a chip on its shoulder or something? It went after the biggest one. I thought you said to destroy the Portal.”

“There is no ‘Portal’ in ancient Colmarian. It’s ancient Colmarian. I did my best.”

It was hard to see what was going on because it was so distant.

“Are we far enough back that if that guy falls down he’s not going to land on us?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

It seemed like long moments passed.

“Did it stop or something?”

“I thought it was hitting him, but it can’t be. I’m not walking under a Therezian to give it new orders.”

We were confused about what ZR3 was doing because the Therezian had not responded. Slowly, the giant looked to the left. It then looked to the right. It then looked down. It stared down at ZR3 as if it was amazed anything could be so small.

It bent down and picked up ZR3 in its left hand and examined it closer.

“Oh man, that guy is going to get punched in the face!” I said.

“I hope it doesn’t attack all of them before it reaches the Portal,” Delovoa added.

Suddenly, the Therezian raised his right fist and brought it down into his left hand. It sounded like a sonic boom. Maybe it was.

The Therezian then made a flicking motion with his left hand.

Streaming overhead, backlit by the latticework, a million fragments of what was once ZR3 twinkled in the light and vanished into the city beyond.

Delovoa and I were quiet for some time.

“Huh,” I concluded.

“You’re still alive. So I take it your mission was a success?” Garm asked.

The two of us were in her office at City Hall. I was seated and had my legs spread out in front of me. I really wanted someone to bring me coffee.

“It was only successful in that Delovoa and I survived.”

“That’s not much to show for it. What’s wrong?” she asked, seeing my expression.

“We released ZR3.”

“Uh oh.”

“No, one of the Therezians punched it and broke it into little tiny ZR3 pieces. Like it was a stale cracker. Did you find the Quadrad?” I asked.

“Finding two people in a city is hard enough. Finding two Quadrad is near impossible.”

“Do you know why they stole the device? I mean, what’s the point if they can’t leave?”

She took a deep breath.

“Quadrad contracts are a big deal. If they were hired to get it, they’re going to get it, regardless of what condition the station is in. That’s why I didn’t want to let them out of our agreement. Now they’re free to do anything.”

“So how are we going to find them? If we can figure out the disintegrator maybe we can start zapping away our problems.”

“You might try Tamshius,” Garm said with great difficulty.

“How would he know anything?”

“He comes from my solar system.”

“So is everyone on this station Quadrad except me?”

“He’s not Quadrad,” she said, insulted. “He’s from a completely different planet. Our planets…didn’t get along that well.”