Steven Campbell - Hard Luck Hank - Basketful of Crap

“What do they eat?” I asked, idly wondering if we were going to have Therezians scooping us up and shoving us into their mouths.

“They eat remarkably little for their size and produce no waste. They can survive at full capacity for months without food or water.”

The galaxy was full of odd creatures but Therezians were out there. Most times species were just strange, but Therezians seemed to have every single benefit a race could have. It’s a wonder they never took over.

“Do you know what they’re going to be used for?” Zadeck asked. “Who commands them?”

“You don’t have to worry about your street, if that’s what you’re wondering. They’re going to be used for war,” I said.

“How?”

“I don’t know yet.”

I stood in my apartment with the two pale sisters and Garm.

“So, um, I found your companion. She’s dead.”

No one had any reaction. Except me, as I looked around worriedly checking if anyone was having a reaction…

“How did she die?” one of the sisters asked.

“I’m not entirely sure.”

“Where was she?” Garm asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” I snapped, not wanting to say she was in front of my door.

“That isn’t much information,” a sister said.

“You didn’t buy information. You bought me locating her. Which I did.”

I felt this was a tense moment. I didn’t want the Quadrad mad at me so I decided to give them a bit more.

“We don’t know if she was murdered or the device you all stole from the Navy killed her. If she was murdered, it wasn’t obvious.”

“Do you have the device?” they asked, interested.

Whoops.

“Uh. No.”

Garm put her hand to her head.

“Why do you even attempt lying?” she asked.

“We would like the device returned,” they said.

“Don’t you want the body of your sister?”

“It is of no importance.”

I stood there realizing they hadn’t cared about her. They wanted the disintegrator. They didn’t even ask for proof their sister was dead. I mean I could have found any old body. I had plenty of them.

“From what I understand of it, it’s really dangerous. Just being near it can kill you. And there are other interested parties. Can I get back to you?”

The Quadrad showed no expressions. They didn’t kiss me.

“We would like to thank you for your assistance,” they said.

They beamed me the last installment of my fee. They had paid me every week on the dot, but there was something very final and foreboding about this payment.

“Are you Quadrad normally that disinterested when your sister dies?” I asked Garm.

“I’m not sure how well they knew one another. We’re just like normal people.”

“Totally,” I said. “Super normal.”

“Your General wants to attack the corporation to try and apprehend your ‘Naked Guy’ or destroy the Portal.”

“Well, those are both ideas, I’ll grant him that. I can’t think which one is worse. I mean, he has to know if you add up all the corporations they have tens of thousands of soldiers here. Not to mention tanks and APCs and AFVs and A-something-somethings. Yeah, they beat the guys at the dock, but that was a small number who weren’t prepared. As for the Portal, I heard they got like thirty Therezians to come visit.”

“Yes. To me, that is far more dangerous. The Portal has to be shut down.”

“Let’s go get something to eat while we talk.”

“Why are you always eating? That can’t be good for you.”

“It’s my body healing.”

“I think once the technician told you that, you use it as an excuse to overeat. You can’t even stand up anymore.”

“That’s my mutation!”

“Sure.”

“Punch me in the stomach,” I said, standing straight in front of her.

“You don’t have to be macho and prove anything. I know you’re…massive. But that isn’t a good mutation.”

“I didn’t get to choose it.”

We hung around my apartment talking about what to do next until my grumbling stomach made her concerned.

“Fine, I’ll take you to get some food.”

I was trying not to make a mess, but Garm still wore a disgusted expression as I heaped food into my jaw.

Suddenly, food hanging from my face, I grew reflective.

“You know I’ve never had a good sense of touch, right? Like my hands?”

“Yes, I remember well,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“I’m kind of scared, though. I can’t feel anything in my hands anymore. And look,” I picked up the napkin dispenser, closed my eyes and smashed it on my face.

“I can’t even feel this.”

“You probably shouldn’t do that,” Garm cautioned.

“I don’t know if it’s my mutation catching up to me, but I’m afraid I’ll freeze solid.”

Garm, ever-comforting:

“Don’t worry about it, Hank. The way things are going you’ll probably get murdered before you have a chance to ever become immobile.”

I got a tele from Delovoa.

“Hank, do you know two women with white skin who dress like whores?”

“Why?”

“They took the you-know-what.”

I almost stopped eating. How did they know where Delovoa was? Or who he was? They must have been following me this whole time. I turned to Garm.

“Don’t look at me. I didn’t want to let them out of their contract for a reason.”

My tele woke me up the next day. A restaurant I liked to eat at was being ransacked.

Not much I could do about it.

I browsed my messages and saw it wasn’t an isolated incident. I realized people must have found out about the Portals being down. They’re rioting and grabbing all the food. My food!

I called up Delovoa.

“Hey, let’s go get some groceries,” I said.

“Are you crazy? The streets are full of looters.”

“I don’t mean go out for brunch. I mean go loot some food. We’re going to starve with no Portals.”

“Oh. Come over then.”

There were no disturbances where I was because there were no people where I was. The trains were empty. As I transferred closer to Delovoa’s, I could see fires and the streets packed with rioters. I couldn’t understand what was burning. It’s a metal city.

The General came on my tele.

“Surrogate!” He barked. I hadn’t even answered it. He just yelled at me from my own tele. It was like having your pillow slap you awake.

“What?”

“We’re going to use the disturbances to move against the principal target.”

I wasn’t sure which one that was but either way I didn’t care.

“I’m going to get food.”

“Food won’t matter if we don’t cease their operations.”

“It will matter to me.”

“Rendezvous with us at Alonkin and 12 th.”

He just wasn’t getting it so I decided to change gears.

“I’m in pursuit of the original thing you hired me to get.”

“How close are you to recovering it?”

“Close.”

And I was. Sort of. I mean I had it at one point—I just lost it.

I hung up my tele and hoped he didn’t access it again and confirm my lie. Fortunately, he didn’t.

Delovoa opened the door and he was covered head-to-toe in thick padding.

I laughed, as it made him look fat.

“What is that?”

“This is my riot gear.”

“I need a gun.”

“You have an Ontakian pistol,” he exclaimed.

“I don’t want to fry people. They’re just stealing food. Like us.”

“Come on,” he said, leading the way to his basement.

He was almost as wide as me with his riot gear on and Delovoa was not a large person normally.

As he held the railing walking down the ramp to his basement, I just couldn’t help myself and pushed him in the back.