Steven Campbell - Hard Luck Hank - Basketful of Crap

He fell on his chest, bounced a little, turned sideways, and got his legs stuck in the railing.

My kidneys almost shot out my nostrils I laughed so hard.

“Haha. Get me up,” he said, squirming.

I actually took a few extra seconds, not to be cruel, but because I realized that was what I looked like when I fell down.

“What if I had hurt myself?” he asked.

“Did you manage to figure out the a-drive before they took it?” I asked, changing the subject.

“It’s some of the most advanced technology in the galaxy. They probably had thousands of scientists working on it. Billions of credits devoted to it. You’re asking me if I discovered all its mysteries in less than a day?”

I didn’t answer, because I didn’t want to hear his snarky response.

“No,” he answered anyway, “I did not ‘figure it out.’”

“So what did the Quadrad do to you?”

“Nothing. That I know of.”

“How did they steal the device?”

“I don’t know. I came out of the basement. Saw them there, then woke up in my bed. If they hit me it didn’t leave a mark or give me a headache. What are you going to do when you find them?”

“Not sure if I can find them. It took me forever to find a dead one right outside my front door. Not sure why they stole the disintegrator. They have nowhere to go. Is it safe down here without suits?”

“Yeah, the device is gone.”

“But the corpse. Is it radioactive?” I said, hoping I was using the right term.

“The corpse is gone too.”

“What? So that’s two corpses you’ve had taken from your basement?”

“I guess. How about this?”

He handed me a rifle that had what looked like four barrels and three triggers and even a keypad and screen on it. It smelled funny.

“I don’t like it,” I said, putting it back.

“Hank, technology keeps moving forward. That’s the way the universe works.”

We walked some ways down.

“How about this?” he said, indicating an enormous pile of metal that I’m pretty sure was a car engine hooked up to a barrel.

“That looks like another autocannon fiasco. I just need something to get us through the mob.”

“Walk through. Who’s going to stop you?”

“Hmm.”

Delovoa fashioned me some quickie riot gear. Unlike his it wasn’t padded at all. The whole point was to make it so that if anyone ran into me, they would want to move away. No one was going to knock me down and I could push through just about any number of people.

He took some thick synth and studded it with nails and strapped it to my chest, legs, and arms. He gave me a helmet to cover my eyes. He wrapped my forearms in metal bands. The final touch was adding a chain from my waist to his waist so I could pull him out if need be.

I felt like a tank. Even with all this extra metal, I didn’t move any slower.

We headed to the train, joined at the hip, dressed like idiots. Delovoa pushed a wheelbarrow which we hoped to fill with foodstuffs. It was the same one we carried Toby in, but we scrubbed it out first.

“I shouldn’t be going,” Delovoa said.

“You need food too.”

“You dated Garm, right?” he asked conversationally.

“Yeah. That was a while ago.”

“Who broke it off, you or her?”

“I think it was mutual.”

“So her. And she’s Quadrad? Did she ever wear an outfit like those women did?”

“Not around me. I could have put up with an awful lot more I think if she did.”

“And no one since then?”

“Not really. There was that other mutant, Jyen. You met her. But we were never remotely a match. She left like five years ago—once she fully understood how pathetic Belvaille was. I never really expected to find the love of my life here. Everyone is damaged goods. It’s one thing to hang around and work here. But it’s totally different to be romantically involved.”

We were silent for some time.

“Since you didn’t ask,” he said, annoyed, “I’ve learned to separate the physical from the emotional. Somewhat like you. I don’t think I can truly be in love with someone who is not my intellectual equal—fat chance on Belvaille, right? I use an organ I invented.”

I couldn’t help it.

“Organ?”

“Not biological. Like a musical organ. It’s a machine. It knows 153 physical pleasures to induce.”

“Like a back rub?”

“No, Hank, not like a back rub.”

“One hundred and fifty-three? I can think of like… five.”

“No wonder Garm left you.”

Delovoa and I had done our stealing and carted our ill-gotten goods home.

I felt a little bad about robbing from the stores I frequent, but not as bad as starving to death.

“Where have you been?” Garm asked. She was waiting at my front door.

“Looting.”

“What are you wearing?”

“Loot-suit.”

I wrestled my wheelbarrow inside. Delovoa ate like a mouse so most of the food was mine.

“Have you talked to the Navy?” Garm asked me.

“Not really.”

“They attacked the corporation.”

“Can’t imagine that went well.”

I unpacked my food, trying to find room in my kitchen.

“They lost something like fifty people. Your Naked Guy is bunkered in the southeast. He must have twenty tanks around him.”

“The General told you this?” It surprised me that they were talking. Especially if I was a Surrogate-thing.

“No, I followed them.”

“Yeah, he didn’t call me. Probably because he didn’t want to hear a big ‘I told you so.’”

She slapped a packet of rations out of my hands.

“Would you stop worrying about your stupid food! Four more Therezians have come through, we’re running out of Navy, and you said the corporation was trying to start a galactic war.”

“Yeah, but how?” I asked calmly. “You said yourself we’re stuck out here at the edge of the galaxy. Even if they have other Portals in the freighters, they’ll never transfer the Therezians to them. They won’t fit in shuttles. Hell, I don’t even know if they’ll fit in freighters.”

“So you’re fine with us being stepped on?”

“No, but the Portal is guarded by Therezians and operated by Gandrine. What can I do about it?”

“It’s just math, Hank. Enough big feet walking around will eventually kill us. Or damage life support. We have to stop the Portal if nothing else. The Navy will come to repair our space Portals. They have a-drives. But it could take months or even years. We won’t live that long if they keep importing giants.”

I sighed.

“See if you can get any leads on your sisters.”

I gave Delovoa a tele.

“You didn’t eat all your food already, did you?” he answered.

“Hey Delovoa, have you had a chance to brush up on your ancient Colmarian dialect?”

We waited until night, but the food riot turned into a general riot.

What people expected to do with a new wardrobe in Belvaille’s current situation was anyone’s guess.

Delovoa and I met up at five in the morning because we figured looters slept in. One of our connecting trains was derailed. It was actually on the ground. I had never seen that in my more than a century on Belvaille. How did a bunch of malcontents manage to knock a train off its tracks?

Delovoa had two huge suitcases full of equipment, which I carried.

“This is a terrible mistake,” Delovoa said.

“If you’ve been spending years learning ancient Colmarian you must have figured you were going to be doing this sooner or later.”

“I thought it might break out, not that we would release it on purpose.”

We came to the only block without a name. The so-called Nameless Block, whose name, of course, was a contradiction.