Gord Zajac - Major Karnage

“Error 503. Please wait for assistance.”

“See? What did I tell you?” The old man grinned.

“Sounds like it called for assistance,” Karnage said.

“Yeah. Tech support. Don’t worry about it. It’ll take them days to get here.” The old man jerked his thumb toward his own blue monitor. “Mine’s been like that for a week now and they still haven’t fixed it.”

“You mean nobody’s noticed?“

“Oh, sure, they noticed. Nobody’s done anything about it, yet, though. Other than charging me with cyber-terrorism.”

“Cyber-terrorism?”

“Circumventing security measures. Defacing public property. All falls under the same law. Can’t say I was bothered by it. It’s what got me locked up in here in the first place.”

“You some kind of terrorist?”

The old man snorted. “Yep. If you define terrorism as being too curious for my own good. All I wanted to know was how those biometric scanners worked. Is it my fault they’re so easy to get around? All you have to do is pop the top off and twist the red and green wires together. Bingo! Instant access.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“That doesn’t exactly sound secure.”

“Of course it isn’t. But they’re not going to go around fixing these things. There’s too many of ’em! It’s a lot cheaper to pass a law saying its illegal to even look at ’em funny. Justice, my ass.”

“That’s idiotic.”

“That’s the Dabney Corporation.”

“Thanks for your help. You some kind of engineer or something?”

“Nope. Just a Lineman from the old C&E.”

“Communications and Electronics Branch?”

“That’s the one.”

“You’re a military man.”

“Was. Corporal Russel J. Stumpton. Haven’t been military in over twenty years.”

“That how you lost the hand?”

Stumpton nodded wistfully, absently rubbing his stump. He shook it off. “But that was a long time ago. Now I’m just another veteran, like you.”

“What do you mean ‘like me’?”

“You’re Major Karnage, aren’t you?”

Karnage eyed him suspiciously. “How do you know my name?”

“Oh, come on, Major. Don’t look at me like that. Of course I know who you are. They said your name enough times when they brought you in here. Besides, even if they didn’t, I’d have figured it out for myself. Nobody’s talked about anything but you for a while now.”

“They been talkin’ about me, have they?”

“It’s all anyone’s been able to talk about for days. ‘Where is he? How do we get him? What do we do when we’ve got him? Do we even want to catch him?’ They prepared that cell especially for you, you know. It’s been quite a show.”

“Sounds like you’ve been enjoying it.”

“You’re damn right I have. In case you haven’t noticed, there’s not a lot to do for fun around here. I take my amusement where I can get it. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, that Riggs fella showed up and threw a monkey wrench into everything.”

Karnage’s pulse quickened at the mention of the name. “What do you know about Riggs? What can you tell me about him?”

“Not too much. Just what I’ve heard through the grapevine. Apparently he was brought in by the brass to take care of you personally.”

Karnage scowled. “Oh he was, was he?”

“He’s been talking up a storm about how easy you’ll be for him to take down. Apparently you’re nothing he can’t handle.”

Karnage cracked his knuckles. “I look forward to proving him wrong.”

“You’re going to have to get in line. Nobody here likes him much. Especially Sydney.”

“Who’s Sydney?”

“The former captain of this precinct. Sydney got pushed aside when they brought Riggs in. There aren’t many people here pleased about that, least of all Sydney.”

A door opened in the distance. Karnage looked down the hall. Riggs came striding into the room. He smiled at Karnage. “Good. I’m glad to see that you’re—” Riggs’s eyes darted to the screen behind Karnage’s head. His features darkened and he turned to Stumpton. “Did you do this?”

Stumpton’s eyes went wide. “How could I? I’m locked up.”

“Disseminating information on circumventing systems security is a class five felony under the Dabney Intellectual Property Ordinance.”

“You make one hell of a bureaucrat, Roach.”

Riggs winced at his nickname. He turned to Karnage and smiled. “Nobody calls me that anymore, John.”

“Oh yeah? Why not? Looks to me like it’s still true. Things go to shit and you come out smellin’ okay. Just like old times, isn’t it, Roach? Oh, except for the part where you stabbed us in the back.”

“I didn’t stab anyone in the back, John.”

“No. You just dropped your dog tags and ran.”

“It’s a lot more complicated than that, John.”

“How complicated can it be, Roach? You’re here. You’re alive. You ran. End of story.”

“I would have been killed!”

“You don’t deserve life, Roach. And one day, I’m going to make that happen for you.”

“Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Lemon Breeze. Please refrain from violent behaviour.”

“John, please.” Riggs sighed. “Look, you’ve been through a lot. I understand that. And I’m sure you had your reasons for doing what you did.”

“Doing what I did? What the hell are you—? Oh, I get it. You think I blew up the asylum.”

“I didn’t say that, John.”

“You think I’m crazy.”

“You’re not crazy,” Riggs said. “You just need help. There are some very angry people out there who want your head.”

“There’s a very angry fella in here who wants yours.”

“These are some very powerful people, John. Some very powerful people. I’m doing everything I can to help. All you need to do is sign a few forms for me, and we can get you out of here.”

“What kind of a slow-witted bohunk do you take me for?”

“I’m just trying to help you here, John.”

“Fuck you and your help, Roach.”

Riggs shrugged. “All right. If that’s the way you feel about it. I’ll stop in tomorrow. See how you’re doing. Let me know if you change your mind.”

Riggs turned and headed for the door. Karnage tried to glare him to death as he walked out. It didn’t work. “I’m gonna kill that asshole.”

Karnage’s neck buzzed. “Warning Sanity Level upgraded to Daffodil. Please refrain from violent behaviour.”

“What’s that voice in the back of your neck about?” Stumpton said.

“It’s nothin’.” Karnage examined the cell door. “What are these bars made of?”

“E-nium,” Stumpton said.

“E-nium? What the hell is E-nium?”

“It’s a reconstituted alloy. Made from the shavings of scrap metal. They mash it up into a kind of polymer. Supposed to be stronger than titanium. It’s one of those E-friendly products.”

“What the hell is an E-friendly product?”

“It’s one with a big ‘E’ sticker on it.”

Karnage jerked a thumb at the monitor in his cell. “What about these computers? Can we use ’em to get out?”

Stumpton shook his head. “They’re not tied to any of the main systems. Just the food and lavatory stuff.”

“That food’s got to come from somewhere, and that shit’s got to go someplace else.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Might be a closed-circuit system.”

“You mean shit gets recycled into food?”

“Might be.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Wait ’til you taste it.”

“I don’t plan to be here that long.” Karnage ran his fingers along the corner of the tray jutting out from the wall. “What’s behind these panels?“