Robert Silverberg - Death Do Us Part

“You should believe it. You must, in fact. I’ve had many long talks with him about you. He adores you. He’d do anything for you. It’s never been like this for him before. I have absolute proof of that. Not with me, not with Tedesca, not with Thane, not with—”

She recites the whole rest of the list. Syantha, Miaule, Iavilda , while Marilisa ticks each one off in her mind. They could do it together in a kind of choral speaking, the litany of wives’ names, but Marilisa remains grimly silent. She is weary of that list of names. She hates the idea that Katrin talks with Leo about her; she hates the idea that Katrin still talks with Leo at all. But she must accept it, apparently. Katrin bustles about the house, admiring this, exclaiming rapturously over that. To celebrate Leo’s imminent return she has brought a gift, a tiny artifact, a greenish little bronze sculpture recovered from the sea off Greece, so encrusted by marine growths that it is hard to make out what it represents. A figurine of some sort, an archer, perhaps, holding a bow that has lost its string. Leo is a collector of small antiquities. Tiny fragments of the past are arrayed in elegant cases in every room of their house. Marilisa offers proper appreciation. “Leo will love it,” she tells Katrin. “It’s perfect for him.”

“Yes. I know.”

Yes. You do.

Marilisa offers drinks. They nibble at sweet dainty cakes and chat. Two pretty young well-to-do women idling away a pleasant afternoon, but one is 200 years older than the other. For Marilisa it is like playing hostess to Cleopatra, or Helen of Troy.

Inevitably the conversation keeps circling back to Leo.

“The kindest man I’ve ever known,” says Katrin. “If he has a fault, I think, it’s that he’s too kind. Time and again, he’s let himself endure great pain for the sake of avoiding being unkind to some other person. He’s utterly incapable of disappointing other people, of letting anyone down in any way, of hurting anyone, regardless of the distress to himself, the damage, the pain. I’m speaking of emotional pain, of course.”

Marilisa doesn’t want to hear Katrin talk about Leo’s faults, or his virtues, or anything else. But she is a dutiful wife; she sees the visit through to its end, and embraces Katrin with something indistinguishable from warmth, and stands by the port watching Katrin’s flitter undock and go zipping off into the northern sky. Then, only then, she permits herself to cry. The conversation, following so soon upon Fyodor’s visit, has unnerved her. She sifts through it, seeking clues to the hidden truths that everyone but she seems to know. Leo’s alleged vast love for her. Leo’s unwillingness to injure others, heedless of the costs to himself. He loves you terribly, you know. Perhaps more than is really good for him. And suddenly she has the answer. Leo does love her, yes. Leo always loves his wives. But the marriage was fundamentally a mistake; she is much too young for him, callow, unformed; what he really needs is a woman like Katrin, ancient behind her beauty and infinitely, diabolically wise. The reality, she sees, is that he has grown bored already with his new young wife, he is in fact unhappy in the marriage, but he is far too kindhearted to break the truth to her, and so he inverts it, he talks of a marriage that will endure forever and ever. And confides in Katrin, unburdening himself of his misery to her.

If any of this is true, Marilisa thinks, then I should leave him. I can’t ask him to suffer on and on indefinitely with a wife who can’t give him what he needs.

She wonders what effect all this crying has had on her face, and activates a mirror in front of her. Her eyes are red and puffy, yes. But what’s this? A line, in the corner of her eye? The beginning of age-wrinkles? These doubts and conflicts are suddenly aging her: can it be? And this? A gray hair? She tugs it out and stares at it; but as she holds it at one angle or another it seems just as dark as all the rest. Illusions. An overactive imagination, nothing more. Damn Katrin! Damn her!

Even so, she goes for a quick gerontological exam two days before Leo is due to come home from the clinic. It is still six months until the scheduled date of her next Prep injection, but perhaps a few signs of age are beginning to crop up prematurely. Prep will arrest the onset of aging but it won’t halt it altogether, the way Process will do; and it is occasionally the case, so she has heard, for people in the immediate pre-Process age group to sprout a few lines on their faces, a few gray hairs, while they are waiting to receive the full treatment that will render them ageless forever.

The doctor is unwilling to accelerate her Prep schedule, but he does confirm that a few little changes are cropping up, and sends her downstairs for some fast cosmetic repairs. “It won’t get any worse, will it?” she asks him, and he laughs and assures her that everything can be fixed, everything , all evidence that she is in fact closer now to her 40th birthday than she is to her 30th swiftly and painlessly and confidentially eradicated. But she hates the idea that she is actually aging, ever so slightly, while all about her are people much older than she—her husband, his many former wives, his swarm of children—whose appearance is frozen forever in perfect unassailable youthfulness. If only she could start Process now and be done with it! But she is still too young. Her somatotype report is unanswerable; the treatment will not only be ineffective at this stage in her cellular development, it might actually be injurious. She will have to wait. And wait and wait and wait.

Then Leo comes back, refreshed, invigorated, revitalized. Marilisa’s been around people fresh from Process many times before—her parents, her grandparents, her great-grandparents—and knows what to expect; but even so she finds it hard to keep up with him. He’s exhaustingly cheerful, almost frighteningly ardent, full of high talk and ambitious plans. He shows her the schematics for six new paintings, a decade’s worth of work conceived all at once. He proposes that they give a party for three hundred people. He suggests that they take a grand tour for their next anniversary—it will be their fifth—to see the wonders of the world, the Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the floor of the Mindanao Trench. Or a tour of the moon—the asteroid belt—

“Stop!” she cries, feeling breathless. “You’re going too fast!”

“A weekend in Paris, at least,” he says.

“Paris. All right. Paris.”

They will leave next week. Just before they go, she has lunch with a friend from her single days, Loisa, a pre-Process woman like herself who is married to Ted, who is also pre-Process by just a few years. Loisa has had affairs with a couple of older men, men in their nineties and early hundreds, so perhaps she understands the other side of things as well.

“I don’t understand why he married me,” Marilisa says. “I must seem like a child to him. He’s forgotten more things than I’ve ever known, and he still knows plenty. What can he possibly see in me?”

“You give him back his youth,” Loisa says. “That’s what all of them want. They’re like vampires, sucking the vitality out of the young.”

“That’s nonsense and you know it. Process gives him back his youth. He doesn’t need a young wife to do that for him. I can provide him with the illusion of being young, maybe, but Process gives him the real thing.”

“Process jazzes them up, and then they need confirmation that it’s genuine. Which only someone like you can give. They don’t want to go to bed with some old hag a thousand years old. She may look gorgeous on the outside but she’s corroded within, full of a million memories, loaded with all the hate and poison and vindictiveness that you store up over a life that long, and he can feel it all ticking away inside her and he doesn’t want it. Whereas you—all fresh and new—”