Jack Benjamin - The Paths Of Incest

Next morning, I was like a starving wolf. I woke her up when I put the vaseline in her, and before she could resist, I was pushing my stiff dick up her ass-hole. Surprisingly, she went along with the movements and even helped me to masturbate her.

Even more surprising, she had an orgasm about the time I did, and let me know that she wanted more.

We became close again for a while, after that, but I had this hang-up about anal intercourse and Adele liked it better other ways. I began to be unable to do it any other way, and get real satisfaction. Finally, Adele gave me an ultimatum-first, her way, then, if she felt in the mood-anal intercourse. It was frustrating for both of us. I would start with a good hard on, after she'd sucked me, then, when I'd insert it in her cunt, it would begin to wilt and would go completely soft before either of us could come.

She began to go out more and more, only now, she'd stay away for days at a time. Meanwhile, I was going nuts for want of her ass. I tried to get it other places, but most girls would balk at trying it that way first, and if I tried it straight, I'd lose my hard on.

There was a queer that did odd jobs around the garage. He was about fifty, and a real, out-and-out faggot. We had a shower there for the mechanics to clean up before they put on street clothes, and I watched this fag strip, one day, and step into the shower. I was horny as hell for some ass-and I mean ass-and I stripped and followed him in. He was more than willing, and he sucked me a little, right under the running water. Then he bent over and I soaped my my dick and shoved it in his ass. It was all right for a few strokes, then the damned thing went limp on me! I panicked at the thought of what was happening to me. I was getting so I was unable to even maintain a hard on, unless I had Adele in the ass! Oddly, after I had had her that way, I was often able to maintain a hard on long enough to have her other ways. I managed to keep pushing, soft as I was, and I did come, but it hurt my guts and abdomen. Later, I threw up, when the old guy tried to shove his tongue in my mouth, and I fired him on the spot!

I found this whore, and the same thing happened. I went soft, right in the middle of screwing her. I had to face the fact that I was going to have to find help, medically or psychiatrically, or else go off my rocker. I pleaded with Adele to help me-work it out, somehow. She tried, I guess, but by that time, she was too far away from me. I was 41; Adele was 54, but still a shapely, attractive women and still as sexually active and desirable as when she was a teen-ager.

I started going to a psychiatrist, but I couldn't afford the frequency of treatments that he recommended. I had always been interested in hypnosis, and decided to try hypno-therapy.

I didn't feel any so-called guilt about the incestuous aspects, honestly. I was purely selfish. I wanted help in getting back to a regular, freewheeling sex relationship with Adele! I still don't feel any real guilt about it; probably because she didn't and never taught me to feel it was dirty, sinful or really wrong. I am sorry that it has spoiled me sexually for any other woman. That's why I'm trying to get help, now that Adele is dead. She was killed in an auto accident. I'm well-off now, with her insurance, her business and my own garage.

But, I still can't find sexual satisfaction with a woman. Maybe, if I could build up to a point where I could enjoy normal sex, a woman would eventually give me what Adele did. Men are out. I tried that. Straight sex is difficult for me, and disappointing to every woman with whom I've tried. So-I'm in a sort of no-man's sex land, and I have to work it out. A man my age, and all I can do is masturbate, while fantasizing that I'm having anal intercourse with my dead mother! How's that for a sex hang-up?

In Don's case, the conditions were ideal for him to develop the natural mother fixation which is present in most young males, to varying degrees. He became, in her eyes, the "man of the house" upon the death of the man she lived with. Don's relationship with this man was vague, with little personal attachment. This, combined with his bastardy, are in part responsible for his lack of guilt in incest, because, in his mind, he was not replacing a man whom he respected or loved. In fact, other psychiatrists feel that Don may have had a deep but unrecognized urge to "punish" his unknown father, as well as the man who had brought about this situation, by refusing to marry his mother, then dying.

Don's mother, Adele, was, in spite of her voracious sex appetites and skills, a juvenile in the sex field. This is shown by several acts that formed a clear pattern. Her pregnancy at 13 shows an early promiscuity and lack of moral fiber. Her running away from home with a small baby shows juvenile recklessness. Her living with a man for many years also shows a lack of maternal responsibility. It was, Don's doctor feels, a case of two infants-almost like brother and sister-in their thinking processes-coming together in a sexual relationship. Note also that Don seldom refers to Adele as "mother" but usually calls her by her given name-a significant clue to his feelings toward her as a sex partner, rather than a parent.

An important factor in Don's eventual salvation is a medical one. With the amount of sex that Adele had indulged in from early childhood, she undoubtedly did have a larger than average vagina. Although Don's penis is, by most standards, more than adequate, he did subconsciously begin to lose some of his sexual enjoyment as time went by, and his penis reached its full growth, while Adele's vagina continued to grow larger. Unconsciously, Don may have begun to doubt his ability to satisfy his mother, because of little hints she may have given-and the obvious fact that she turned more and more to other men for gratification. This probably started Don thinking about the possible tightness of Adele's anus. After trying anal intercourse, Don was so fully gratified that it became an obsession with him Naturally, his sexual block and ultimate partial impotency, was self-imposed.

Recommendations for Don were difficult, for psychiatrists are in agreement that the most effective help must come from the self-understanding of the patient.

Don has come to understand his problem and is trying to work it out rationally. He is not essentially a promiscuous man; due to his long-time sex activities with his mother. However, he has been dating two women, both much younger, and both not having been married. One, a psychology major, is working with Don carefully. She knows the story and they are experimenting sexually, with fair results, as reported by Don. The other woman is, at 30, a virgin, she claims, and she too knows the story, but thus far, has been unable to bring herself to have sexual relations with Don, unless he indicates that he is interested in marriage.

Don has foregone masturbating, and thus, the fantasy of anal intercourse is fading. His doctor believes that eventually, Don will return to a normal sex pattern, though it may not happen with either of these two women. The prediction is that one day, Don will meet a woman who physically resembles Adele, and she will kindle in him all the original, uninhibited passions that his mother did. The one unanswered question is: if and when this happens, will the woman respond to Don? The case of Myra H. is not typical, in many ways; yet may be all too common. The reason for this evasive statement is that Myra is a semi-literate farm woman, and one of the few from this strata of society to seek help from a psycho-therapist, for obvious reasons.

Myra is typical, if surveys such as the Kinsey Reports and other findings can be taken seriously, in that she was the victim of incest as a child, from her father, two uncles, and an older brother. Brother-sister incest is the commonest of all forms, while a startling number of girls who will talk of their early sex experiences reveal that they were introduced to sex by the "feeling up" or cunnilingus performed by an uncle.