Anonymous - Pearl

My landlady's cock has been stolen away;

As well as my own, and also my neighbour's.

Let us hope in contentment they lay,

Released for a while from their watery labours.

Bad luck to the rascal that cut off our cocks;

Surely one was sufficient his water to pass.

The bugger deserves to be stuck in the stocks,

With a cock in each eye, and the third up his arse.

BEFORE.

Thou heavenly sun whose golden light

Displays the hills with verdure bright;

Sink thee, oh sink thee, in the west,

And bring the hour I love best.

This evening shall my bosom prove,

The richest ecstasies of love.

Soon as thy glorious light retires,

I look for her my heart admires;

A matron she of sober grace,

With wisdom printed on her face.

This evening shall my bosom prove,

The richest ecstasies of love.

And is my heart then grown so cold,

As to be pleased with matrons old;

When I might feast on younger things,

Ah, no! a lovely girl she brings!

This evening shall my bosom prove,

The richest ecstasies of love.

To war her soldier son has hied,

She offers me his blooming bride;

And if the girl my taste should please,

Her husband I advance with ease.

This evening shall my bosom prove,

The richest ecstasies of love.

She tells me of her daughter's form,

Her swelling bubbles ripe and warm,

Her rosy cheeks, her sapphire eyes,

The jutting fullness of her thighs.

This evening shall my bosom prove,

The richest ecstasies of love.

Her little mouth, her snowy skin,

The other mouth her smock within;

The more I questioned, more she told,

In thought the darling I behold.

This evening shall my bosom prove,

The richest ecstasies of love.

The stirring raptures of her tale,

Made beauty over age prevail;

At length, with many a "Fie! for shame!"

She quenched for once my raging flame.

This evening shall my bosom prove,

The richest ecstasies of love.

And said I that the dame was old,

And thought I that my heart was cold!

Her vigorous limbs are firm and fresh,

And rich she blooms in prime of flesh.

This evening shall my bosom prove,

The richest ecstasies of love.

And if the daughter brings the gust,

Of youth to aid the mother's lust;

And plays the game as well as she,

She must a perfect angel be.

This evening shall my bosom prove,

The richest ecstasies of love.

AFTER.

No more; no more; I can no morel

Adieu, ye pair whom I adore,

Adieu my love! one dear, dear kiss,

Thy lord shall reap the good of this!

And once again, oh let me prove,

These heavenly ecstasies of love.

CONUNDRUM.

My first expresses, or joy, or woe,

Each passion that touches the soul;

My second's as far as you can throw;

And my whole — you may suck my whole.

My first tells every passion of man's,

Each feeling that moves his soul;

My second supports the pots and pans;

And my whole — you may suck my whole.

O — range.

NURSERY RHYMES.

There was a young man of Calcutta

Who thought he would do a smart trick;

So anointed his arsehole with butter,

And in it inserted his prick.

It was not for greed after gold;

It was not for thirst after pelf;

'Twas simply because he'd been told,

To bloody well bugger himself.

There was a young lass of Dalkeith,

Who frigged a young man with her teeth;

She complained that he stunk;

Not so much from the spunk;

But his arsehole was just underneath.

There was a young Jew of Torbay,

Who buggered his father one day;

Said he, "I'd much rather,

Thus bugger my father,

Because there is nothing to pay."

There was a gay parson of Norton,

Whose prick, although thick, was a short 'un;

To make up for this loss,

He had balls like a horse,

And never spent less than a quartern.

There was a young man of the Tweed,

Who sucked his wife's arse thro' a reed;

When she had diarrhoea,

He'd let none come near,

For fear they should poach on his feed.

There was an old man of Balbriggan,

Who cunt juice was frequently swigging;

But even to this,

He preferred tom-cat's piss,

Which he kept a pox'd nigger to frig in.

A cabman who drove in Biarritz,

Once frightened a fare into fits;

When reprov'd for a fart,

He said, "God bless my heart,

When I break wind I usually shits."

A young woman got married at Chester,

Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.

Says she, "You're in luck,

He's a stunning good fuck,

For I've had himself myself down in Leicester."

SUB-UMBRA, OR SPORT AMONG THE SHE-NOODLES.

(Continued.)

In the morning, papa and mama had scarcely slept off the effects of the sleeping dose they had imbibed from the brandy flask of their dutiful son, and lay abed very late, in fact, almost to luncheon time; meanwhile, we, the younger members of the family, had privately agreed upon a plan of amusement for the afternoon and evening.

Finding that two pretty young girls of fourteen and fifteen were living close by, with an invalid mother, whilst their brother was away, being a Midshipman in the Royal Navy, I proposed that Annie should send the Misses Bruce an invitation to spend the afternoon with us, en famille, without the least ceremony, and join us in an alfresco tea party at a little hut in the woods, which formed part of my uncle's estate.

At luncheon we informed the governor of what we had done and hoped that both he and mama would join in our outdoor party in the woods.

"No thank you, my dears, we are too much afraid of the damp grass and rheumatics. Besides, we have not yet gotten over the fatigue of yesterday. We will stay quietly at home and hope you may enjoy yourselves thoroughly, as we should do if we were younger," replied the jolly, kind-hearted old gentleman.

This was exactly what we had wished for and expected; so Frank and Annie at once sent off the servants with every requisite for our open-air tea party.

About three o'clock, the two young ladies arrived, and as all were ready, we at once set off for the scene of our anticipated fun, which was a rough bower covered with flowering honeysuckle and clematis, at the end of a long, shady, private walk, more than half-a-mile from the house.

Frank and myself particularly attached ourselves to the two fresh young ladies as being the greatest strangers, and therefore justly expectant of the most attention.

Emily Bruce, the eldest, was a charming dark-eyed brunette, her rather large mouth having a fascinating effect as you regarded her. In fact, such a display of pearly white teeth, I never saw before, and the very thought that they might perhaps be soon employed in love bites on my tender-headed prick filled me with maddening lust to possess myself of their owner.

Nor was her sister, Louisa, a bit less prepossessing, she being almost the counterpart of Emily, except that one could easily see there was a slight difference in age.

Arrived at the bower, the servants were at once sent home, being told that they could clear away the things next morning, as it would be too late for them to return in the evening, and at the same time, without asking the consent of her young friends, dear Annie scribbled a pencil note to their mama, to say that if they at all were late, she would insist upon them staying with her all night, and not to make herself at all anxious on their behalf — this was quietly sent off by one of the servants.