Joan Kelly: Rape me!

We sat on the sofa and talked. Jim was eager and polite, and I liked him all right – what little I knew about boys wasn't much to go on. He asked the usual questions. Yes, my father was a supervisor working for the company putting up the new bridge west of Olema. Yes, I was living at the Happy Glen trailer park. Yes, I'd be a senior next year. No, I didn't like to play ping-pong or ride horses and I didn't think Raquel Welch was all that hot. While we talked, I kept noticing the way Janey touched Ron on the arm, on the leg, even poking him in the stomach once. She smiled and blinked her long lashes. Maybe she liked to show off her green eye-shadow. The boys decided finally to square off for another ping-pong battle as Janey and I watched from the sidelines. She leaned close.

"You'll have to show Jimmy where to put his hand tonight," she whispered.

"Oh." I swallowed. If Jimmy didn't know, I sure wasn't going to show him. I wondered how my mother got the idea that Janey was the type of friend she wanted me to associate with. There was something about her I liked though. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it.

"He doesn't kiss worth a shit, either," Janey laughed, "but then neither does Ron." She puckered like a fish, laughed again. The bays smiled our way, batted the ball across the net like a couple of wild men.

"Your hair sure is pretty," I said, trying to change the subject.

"So's yours." Smiles. She was looking at my tits. Darn big tits!

"I guess they look pretty funny, huh?" I felt myself reddening. "I mean, me being so tall and kind of skinny…"

Janey looked amazed. "You're not skinny! Jesus, I wish I was…" She touched palms under her small boobs, tossed her head. "But I got a nice ass, anyway." We laughed together. Yes, I did like her. And was a little scared of her, too. I looked at Jimmy. At least he didn't scare me, not in the least.

Ron parked in the wrong spot twice and Janey complained so much about not being able to see the screen that he moved to the front row. It didn't matter to me. I'd seen the movie once before in Billings. When the boys got out to go to the snack bar, Janey could hardly wait to lean over the back of her seat and start talking about them.

"Did you see Jimmy shaking hands with your dad?"

I had to laugh. "Yeah."

"I thought he was going to pee his pants."

"My dad's pretty big."

"Kind of mean-looking, too." Janey lifted her eyebrows.

"He's not really mean." I frowned. "Except when he gets to drinking too much." I was embarrassed for having said so much. Janey seemed not to mind. She turned the rear-view mirror down to look at herself. With the low-cut peasant blouse and blue corduroy hip-huggers she looked adorable. And Ron obviously thought so, too. I was wishing I hadn't worn a dress. Jim couldn't seem to keep his eyes off my bare knees. If he so much as laid a hand on me, I knew I'd freeze up like a block of ice.

"Hey, beeyootiful!" A long-haired boy in a black T-shirt leaned his head in Janey's window. She bounced ecstatically, put her arms around his neck.

"This is Farley," Janey announced, telling me like he was somebody very important. Another boy stood behind Farley; blonde; ranger. There was a blond stubble on his chin and a folding knife in a leather sheath at his belt. Farley looked my way, took in my tits and the way my jersey was pushed out.

"So you all are cuttin 'round town with the MacInnes twins, are ya?" I squirmed under his gaze.

"This is my friend Lorrie." Janey tossed her hair around like a mare in heat. "She's new in town."

Farley laughed like hell. "And you fix her up with one of the MacInnes jerks?"

"You know my old lady won't let me date you, Farley." Janey bit her bottom lip, winked. "You're just too baaaad a dude." She pushed his thick, curly hair back from his forehead. Then she looked at me, eyes slitted in thought. "I just had the most terrific idea! A really wild idea!" Farley's lanky friend edged closer, leaned his elbows on the edge of my window.

"I bet it's the same damn idea I got." When he grinned, I saw there was a tooth missing at one side of his mouth. But he was still better-looking than either of the MacInnes boys.

"Come on!" Janey was already opening the car door. "No, wait. I'd better leave them a note."

I leaned up. "Janey, we can't. I mean, we came with Jim and Ron and…"

"Shhhhh, I gotta think what to write."

"I know my mother wouldn't like…" Farley's laughter cut me off. He was looking at my tits again. So was his friend.

"My name's Phil," the friend said. He shoved a callused hand through the window and I took it and quickly let it go. There was something about his eyes that scared me. Like he'd seen more of life than he was old enough to use. Janey was scribbling something with an eyebrow pencil.

"Ron worships me too much to make trouble. Come to think of it, I did this once before – the night of the junior prom." She giggled, stuck the note on his speedometer with a piece of chewed gum.

"I don't think I'd better go," I said.

"Did you forget your mother said it was okay for you to spend the night with me?" Janey tilted her head, tongue at the corner of her mouth.

"I could just say I decided I didn't want to and Jimmy could drive me…"

She made a face. "You'd mess up the whole thing. Come on!"

Farley's car was parked back by the snack bar. It was big and black and long, and when I got into the back seat, I smelled something funny. Like weeds had been burned there. Phil shoved over beside me and curved a long arm around my shoulders. I closed my eyes. What had I gotten myself into? I was scared, knew there'd be trouble from Mom when she found out. And she would find out. She had a way about her, a special talent for smelling out lies.

"We just gonna get us some more beer," Farley drawled, "and head out for the old Sutton Place."

"Oh, yeah," Janey bubbled, "that creepy old house out on Paxton Road." She turned, took my hand. "It'll be cool, Lorrie. Nobody'll know the dif."

"You sure?"

She nodded, licked her lips. "Anyway, it's my idea."

"Mine, too!" Phil said. He squeezed my shoulder a little tighter. I clenched my fists and tried not to press against him as Farley spun gravel and roared out of the slot and towards the exit.

"You got about the nicest breasts of any girl I ever saw," Phil said. "I don't mean that to be rude or anything, it's just a fact."

"Thank you." I tried to keep him from knowing how scared I was. Farley and Janey had wandered off as soon as we'd climbed the hill to the deserted, ruined mansion. I'd followed Phil inside, afraid to be alone in the spooky shadows. The moon was just coming up over the trees on a far hill, and some of its light made the room we were in a little brighter. I could see reflections off the brown beer bottle in Phil's hand. I was awful thirsty but hadn't ever had any beer before. Mother would've flipped if she'd known I was even with some guy who drank. Oh, God, had he actually said all that about my breasts?

"You know, you shouldn't bother wearing no bra." He gestured with his bottle. I smelled the beer on his breath. "Janey don't wear no bra."

I decided not to answer him. He took my hand and led me towards the window. There was a broken-down couch near the wall there, but I couldn't steer him away from it.

"Who owns this place?" I tried.

"You know, I don't really care." He laughed, swigged brew. "I just been coming up here since I got booted out of high school my sophomore year. Like to sit around and get wasted, watch the moon come up." He pulled something small and white from his pocket. I was terribly thirsty.

"Could I have a sip of your beer?"

"Sure." He held it out. "I'll get you a fresh one if you want, but you said you didn't…"