Dorsai: Jan

"Of course!"

"THAT is love. Now, that doesn't mean that because you love them you would want to have sex with them, only that the emotional bond is there. Understand?"

"Yeah. But how is that love different from physical love?"

"You've got several friends, right?"

"Yeah"

"Do you like all of them exactly the same way, and for the same reason?"

"No, of course not."

"It's the same thing with love. The way that you love your dad is different than the way you love your brothers is different than the way you would love someone that you would make love with."

"Okay, I kinda get it now."

"Well, if you kinda get it, then you're doing a whole lot better than most people: there are a lot of people out in the world that get physical love and emotional love mixed up, and spend a lot of their lives being unhappy, and making others even more unhappy." I replied.

"Is that why Daddy and Mom divorced?"

(Ahhhhhh,*SHIT!*)

"No, I don't think so. Have you ever stopped being friends with someone?

Not because of something that anyone did, but because it just sort of happened?"

"Yeah."

"I expect that it's the same with your mom and dad. They loved each other a lot, but they just couldn't stay happy with each other. It's like a grown-up version of the problems that you have with Lou and John: you love them, but sometimes they just make you crazy, right?"

A laugh. "Yeah, sometimes."

"Same thing with your mom and dad. Sometimes your mom did stuff that made your dad crazy, and sometimes it was the other way around. Most of the time, they loved each other enough to forgive the craziness, but after a while, they decided that they would rather love each other, and be divorced, than stay married and make each other crazy."

"Okay, I understand. Right after the divorce, I worried sometimes that maybe it was something I did, or that Leo and John were doing."

"Jan, don't ever think like that. You're a good person, and I can promise you that I've talked to your mom and dad enough to know that their divorce had absolutely nothing to do with your or your brothers other than BOTH of them wanted to make sure that you were all happy, and knew that they both love you, and were taken care of properly."

"Thanks, Dan. I feel a lot better about it, now. Is it okay if I get on the computer again?"

"Sure, Trouble. The boys won't be home from the park for a while, and there's no reason you shouldn't."

When Paul got back from his trip, he and I were sitting on the patio having a beer when I told him that Jan had asked me some questions about sex and human anatomy. He wanted to know what I told her, and I explained to him what I'd done – without bothering him with the details of how the situation came up. He wasn't happy about being locked out of her Internet usage on the subject, but when I pointed out that if she thought he could watch, she wouldn't look at anything – and stay ignorant, and thus more likely to find herself in 'trouble'. That seemed to placate him, and he thanked me for not only helping her, but also letting him know what was going on. I suggested that he tell her that we'd talked, and that he was okay with it, which he agreed to.

It was a week or so before Paul got the nerve up to talk to Jan. A couple of days later, I was invited to join them for steaks from the grill.

Jan met me in the den, and gave me a strange look before asking, "Did you tell Daddy what we talked about the other day?"

"No, I didn't tell him what we talked about – only that we DID talk, and the general subject."

"I don't know if I like that."

"Well, Trouble, you've got to understand that your dad is my friend. I wasn't real comfortable about helping you that way without his knowledge. At the same time, I wasn't going to do anything to break the trust you showed me. This just seemed like a good way to get him involved – which I think you would agree he should be – without getting you in trouble, or having him upset with me. Nothing has changed, other than the fact that now he knows that you're learning about the general subject of sex education. He still doesn't know what you're looking at or learning – just like I don't. The only thing that's different is that now we don't have to worry about hiding something from him. I'd say that was a good thing, wouldn't you?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose. I guess that's okay, then. Do you tell him about everything, though?"

"No, just about the stuff that I think is really, really important, and that I think he needs to know about. That's why I only told him that we had talked about the general subject of sex, but not any of the details.

I think you'll also be happy to know that HOW we got onto the subject wasn't mentioned," I added, smiling.

She turned only a little pink, and replied "Yeah, I kinda figured you didn't say anything about that. From the way he acted, I don't think he could have talked to me at all, if he knew!"

"Trouble, I want you to know that you can trust me not to tell your dad about everything we talk about. And if there is something I *must* tell him, I'm not going to spill any secrets – I'll only say as much as I absolutely have to. I hope you can see that from the way I talked to him."

"Sure, I can understand that. I do trust you; I was just surprised by it, was all."

"Okay, how about if there's something I think I need to tell your dad, I say so to you, first? Then we can agree on how much and what I can tell him, so that you're not surprised again."

"That sounds okay." She answered. After a little pause, she added, "Yeah, I can live with that. Sometimes I have to tell to Daddy about stuff I hear Leo or John talking about, so I think I understand what you're saying."

"Fair enough. If you're happy, then I'm happy. Let's go burn a cow!"

With that, we headed out to the patio.

A couple of weeks went by before Paul had to go on another out of town trip. I was again the Designated Authority Figure, this time on a Tuesday, after school had let out.

The kids were okay to leave for a few hours at a time, so I was able to get some work done during the day, after stopping by around mid-morning; still, I made sure and got to their place about mid to late afternoon.

As an engineering consultant and designer, I usually have enough slack that taking time for such things isn't a problem.

I found a note that the boys had gone off to the local park for a baseball game; a little noise revealed that Jan was in the den in front of the computer.

As I moved up next to her, she looked up at me, but continued reading the web page she had up. A brief look revealed that it was something involving how quickly breasts grew on teen females. With extreme casualness, I made my way over to the stereo, and asked Jan if it would bother her if I listened to some music. A quick shake of her head, and I soon had some Mozart playing while I read a technical magazine I'd received that day.

The next thing that I noticed was the sound of a small riot approaching the den: Leo and John were back, demanding to be fed, and right now. I looked up to see Jan shutting down the computer; then we both got up and headed toward the kitchen to prepare supper. During the meal – spaghetti with meatballs, garlic bread, and salad – I noticed that Jan kept looking at me. I discretely checked to make sure that I'd shaved, my fly was zipped up, that I didn't have a spaghetti noodle stuck to my forehead, and so on.

After supper, the boys headed in to the living room for a rousing game of Nintendo while Jan and I cleared the table, and cleaned the kitchen.

As we were finishing, Jan asked me if she could talk to me for a minute.

I agreed, and suggested Cokes at the dining table.

When we were seated, I just looked at her, and raised my eyebrow.