Dorsai: Jan

"What do you mean?", Linda asked, slightly offended.

"I mean that ever since she had what I told Steve was an epiphany, and all of you started sitting down and actually talking to each other, and communicating, you two have been sucking all the love Susan has right out of her."

"I don't believe it!", Linda said.

I stood up, and said "No? Then follow me, and see what your daughter looks like when she gets here!"

They stood up, and I led them back to the bedroom where Susan was – I opened the door, and when Linda saw what Susan looked like, she stifled as small gasp, and put her hand over her mouth. Steve only stood there and stared, the pain clear on his face. Kelly just glared at them.

Then I closed the door, and led them back to the living room, where they sat down on the couch, holding each other for a while before turning to me again.

"What happened to her?", Linda asked, on the verge of tears.

"you did.", I answered.

"Now wait just a damn minute…", Steve started – but I cut him off, saying "Wait just a damn minute yourself, asshole. I meant what I just said – not just to Linda, but you, too. You asked me at the graduation the other day what you could do to help her – and Kelly and I both told you how you could not only help Susan, but yourself and Linda, as well.

Apparently, you didn't listen worth a damn, because you can see for yourself how much help you've been!"

He got a guilty look on his face, and as both of them looked at me, continued in a calmer voice "I know that both of you love her – but she loves you, too, and it's tearing her up. Not for anything you've done*wrong*, exactly, but for something you haven't gotten right. Linda, has Steve told you what I told him – about what I've taught Susan?"

She nodded, and I went on "I can only assume that neither one of you really understands it, yet. So I'm going to sit here and explain something to you, and hope that it finally gets through to you – and that when it does, you'll understand what you need to do to take this horrible burden off your daughter, for chrissake!"

Both of them nodded, and gave me their full attention.

"I love Susan. Not like you do, but just as much – the same way that you love each other and love Susan – different, but equally."

They nodded their understanding, and I went on "One of the things that I've helped Susan understand is that love, full, honest, total LOVE, is basically an exchange of VALUES. That we love people for the good things we see in them, and we love ourselves for the good things we see inside."

More nods.

"I've also shown her that we love other people because they love us; that we love them because they see the good in us, and value it, and love us because of it. We love them because of the good – the values – that we see in them; and they love us for the same reason: because of the good – the values – they see in us."

They were still with me.

"Where the problem comes in is that if the other person doesn't see our values, then they don't love us; or at least, not as much. And when that happens, we don't love them, or as much. So love is a trading of good, of values; and the degree of love is the quantity and worth of those values. So where there are unequal values, there can only be unequal love."

Okay, so far.

"If there is unequal love, then the person giving the most is, essentially, being robbed – they are giving higher values than what they are getting in return; nobody would take fifty pounds of fertilizer for fifty pounds of gold – at least, not willingly, right?"

They nodded again.

"Now, something else I've shown her – notice that I'm saying SHOWN her; not 'taught' her, not 'made her believe', but shown – is that it's perfectly okay to give someone your love, and not expect anything in return; but only if you are doing so willingly, of your own free will, and to the degree that you are willing to do it."

They're doing fine, and tracking right along with me.

"The problem with Susan is that I've shown her all this, and she's learned – on her own – how it works, and how to do it. Except for one last, crucial step."

"And that is?", Linda asked.

"How to give love – in such a way that it never runs out. Essentially, how to tap into an unlimited supply of boundless love, for whoever needs it."

"And how do you learn such a thing?", she asked.

"By making love with another person."

"Sex?" Linda asked.

"No – and that is exactly the mistake Steve made, too. And it is that making of 'having sex' and 'making love' that is keeping Susan from being able to tap into that supply of love that I told you about."

"How so?"

"Because SHE knows they aren't the same – and you two don't. But because you're her parents, and she loves and respects you, the conflict between what she knows, and what you THINK is preventing her from taking the final step of making love, and learning how to access all she would ever need or want. SHE knows that if she made love, it would free her – but at the same time, she knows that if she did that, you two would only think she'd had sex; and not value – not love – her because you didn't appreciate the distinction."

"So you want to have sexual relations with our daughter.", she said.

"Are you stupid? Haven't you been paying attention to what I've been saying? Once again, in a different way, here's the difference: dogs on the street have sex. People, that care for each other, that value each other, that love each other, make love. Okay?"

With that, I could see Steve beginning to comprehend it – but Linda was still stuck.

"But you're still the one that wants to do this.", she declared.

"Linda, what*I* want is completely irrelevant. It's what Susan wants, even needs. If I thought she could accomplish it with the first guy or girl coming down the street, I'd roll out the red carpet and open the door myself for her. Hell, I'd break out the champagne, and cook them breakfast afterwards, if I thought it would help! Don't you get it yet?

All I care about is Susan – that she's happy, healthy, and loved.

Whether it's me, you, or anyone else that does it doesn't matter a tinker's damn to me – only that it gets done. Why the hell else do you think I'd spend so much of my time, and energy, and everything else I've got to make that happen? You've seen her in there – do you really think that if all I was after was her body, I'd be sitting out here trying to talk to you?"

With that little spiel, Steve finally seemed to understand what I'd been driving at, and said "I believe you, Dan. In fact, I think you've already made love to her – in every way except physically; and she's a better person, because of it. I do see the difference between having sex and making love – and can respect that she would choose one over the other."

Linda turned to look at him as though she'd suddenly noticed that he had bolts in his neck.

He turned to her and said "Honey, if all he wanted was sex, he could have had her a long time ago. If he wanted her worship, he could have had that, easily. But I know this man, and what kind of person he is – how honest and truthful he is, and how much integrity and courage he has. There isn't a doubt in my mind that he is speaking God's honest truth to us, sincerely and honestly. But all he wants is what we do: the very best for her. And through him, she's found something that is good, and loving, and caring, and sincere. If there's something she needs to do to have all that, and more, than I'm more than happy to let her do it – or even encourage her. or help her."

"But…", Linda started to say something, but Steve quickly put a finger over her lips, and told her "No, there's nothing left to say here, to me, or to Dan. I've made my decision. Go on out to the car, and I'll be there in a minute; when we get home, we'll talk about it, and I'll explain it all to you."