Dorsai - Jan

She looked at me dubiously, and said "Well, okay. But you still take it easy, you hear me?"

"Yes, Mother!", I teased – and finally getting something like a smile from her.

She started to settle down next to me, but I put my arm out, and gently guided her toward my lap. She looked doubtful, but went ahead and sat down on it – facing me, a knee on each side of me – when I assured her "It's okay – we're just sitting, remember?"

I took her hands in mine, and told her "Candice, I'm okay. Really. I think you were right – I didn't get as much sleep as I usually do, last night, and yes, I was more 'active' than usual last night. So if I fell asleep when maybe I shouldn't have, and worried you, then I'm sorry. But the mistake was MINE; what you did was make me an invitation – the decision to over-exert myself a little was MINE, not yours. You have nothing to feel bad about, okay?"

I could tell from her expression that she thought I was trying to blow smoke up her butt, but was too polite to come out and say so.

Nothing for me to do but try again, saying "Do you think there was anything you or anyone else could have done to force me to make love with you?"

She shook her head, and I went on "Do you think that I would have agreed to make love with you if I had any idea that something like that would happen?"

She shook her head 'no' again, and I finished up by saying "Do you think that I would have done anything with you if I thought there was the slightest chance of something like that happening? Do you think that I would willingly do anything that would cause you to worry like that? Or that I'm foolish enough to do it on purpose?"

Again, 'no'.

"Then trust me when I tell you that you have no responsibility in my falling asleep like that. I made a mistake, and did something foolish – and paid for it. It was your-my- OUR misfortune that you were the last to come to me like you did. If anything else had been different, it could have been Sandra or Robyn where you are now. Okay?"

She nodded acceptance, reluctantly, but I could still see that her eyes were getting red, and starting to tear up.

I had one last hope.

"How long was I asleep?"

"About an hour.", she mumbled.

"Well, there you go – a nice, afternoon nap. I usually have one on the weekends, and that was it. It just happened a little more suddenly than most, is all."

It didn't fly. Not even a little bit. Even as I finished, I could see the tears starting down her face. All I could do was take her in my arms, and hold her as she cried it out of her system; caressing her back and softly saying reassuring things to her to try and comfort her – and feeling like a total jackass the whole time, because I KNEW it wasn't her fault, even if she didn't.

She finally cried herself out, and was at the point where all she had left in her was a few small hiccups – and even those were starting to fade.

I took her by the arms, and eased her back into a sitting position. Then I took her face in my hands, and wiped her tears away with my thumbs before lifting her face to look at me. When I finally got her to look me in the eyes, I told her "Candice, that was not your fault. It was MINE, and I'm sorry if I worried you or made you think something was wrong." I kissed her softly on the lips, and went on "You didn't do anything wrong by asking me to make love to you again.*I* didn't know I was that tired, okay?" Another kiss, then "If I had it to do over again, I probably would do something different – but it's too late – and for that, I'm sorry." Kiss. "Candice, YOU have nothing to feel bad about.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. you have nothing to blame yourself about." Kiss. "It was my doing that made me so tired – not yours."

Kiss. "The choice was mine, and the responsibility is mine, remember?"

Kiss. "If you want to be mad, or upset, or anything like that with anyone, be them with ME." Kiss. "*I* did something dumb, and I scared you and made you feel bad – and if I could go back and undo it, I would, without hesitation." Kiss. "But I can't, and I'm sorry that I made you feel that way – but don't beat up yourself for something*I* did because I was stupid, okay?" Kiss.

Then she started crying again – but this time, as she headed for my arms, I could see the relief on her face as she accepted what I'd told her.

But she wasn't in my arms long before she suddenly sat up, and started hitting me with open-handed slaps to the chest and arms and shoulders, saying "You rat! You stinker! What the hell were you doing, scaring me like that! I was worried half to death! What's the matter with you? Are you stupid, or something? You bastard!"

I didn't do anything to stop her, or try and soften the blows. I just sat there, accepting what she was doing, and letting her get even *that* part of it out of her system as best she could – even if it physically hurt (and some of the blows did).

After a few seconds, she started to slow down, and eventually stopped; when she did, I took her in my arms, and held her again, reassuring her that everything was okay, now, as she sniffled into my shoulder – and eventually put her arms around me.

When she sat up again, I put my hands on her waist, and told her "Candice, I'm sorry that I upset you, I really am. I'll make you the promise, right now, that if we ever find ourselves together again, I will not repeat that mistake – or make anything like it."

She was still a trifle miffed with me, but now willing to be placated.

"We damn well better find ourselves together again. I felt really great, until I saw you'd passed out on me!", she grumped.

"It wasn't something I wanted to happen, either – more than anything else, I wanted to be there for you, and hold you and comfort you and caress you when we were done."

"I wanted you to, too, dammit.", she responded, slightly mollified.

"I know it's late, but would you still let me do those things? At least now, we can both enjoy them a little better, if you do.", I offered.

"I suppose."

She had a nice 'mad' on; and there I was, spoiling it for her by being nice, and apologetic, and caring.

She leaned up against me, and I put my arms around her before twisting slightly so that I could lay down with her on top of me, Once on my back, I kissed her, first on the lips, softly, then again on each of her shoulders as I caressed her sides and back. A few seconds went by, and I could feel her relax a bit as she lay on me; after a bit, she decided it was okay to kiss me back – and from there, we quickly got reacquainted with each other's anatomy. I kissed the spot on her shoulder that I'd bitten – and finding that I'd left a nice hickey that I hoped she wouldn't have to explain to her parents or siblings.

In return, she saw where she'd bitten my neck, leaving a nice bruise and set of teeth marks that she knew she'd have to explain to Kelly, and perhaps even Jan. But it also gave her the giggles, and I asked what was so funny. She had to explain to me that it was a new situation for her to have to explain to her best friend why and how she'd given that friend's lover a big love-bite on his neck – and only having to worry that the friend would be upset about the bruise, not the lovemaking that led to it. I laughed, too, and agreed that it probably was a situation that didn't come up much in the rest of society – like never, I guessed.

That got her giggling harder, and before long, she'd forgotten how mad she was at me, and went back to showing the love and concern that I knew she had inside her.

We continued to cuddle and kiss and play and cuddle and joke and cuddle for a while, but finally decided that we were both thirsty again. I sat up again, and got my legs positioned for her to lean back against my thighs while she got us each another bottle – mine sans Crazy Straw this time.