Dorsai - Full Circle

I set the supplies on the nightstand before taking a seat with my back against the headboard; then I carefully got her onto my lap so I could hold her inert body. I'd had her in my arms for just a minute or so before I felt her start to move a little. Another minute or so, and I knew that she was back with me again. I got an open can of soda from the nightstand and offered it to her; she had the energy to reach up and put her hands on it, but not to hold it. Letting her arms fall again, she let me hold the can to her lips and let her drink from it – careful to make sure that I didn't give her more than she could accept. When she'd swallowed about a quarter of the soda, I set it aside long enough to offer her one of the peanut butter crackers we kept around as afternoon snacks for the kids. She had enough control by that time to take it from me – and surprised me by nearly inhaling it. Another cracker disappeared almost as fast before I offered her the soda again. She was able to hold it, and quickly took a few sips before gesturing toward the nightstand. She let me have the soda, and took the couple of crackers from me; they were consumed appreciably more slowly than the first two had been. Another few sips of soda, and she was able to talk to me, asking "What did you do to me?" with wonder in her voice.

I hugged her gently before answering "You said you wanted to have orgasms with me, so I tried to give you the best I could."

She managed to look up at me, a bit owlishly – tough to do with her almond eyes, after all – and said "Now I understand why Kelly and Jan kept saying that you give them more than they can handle. I don't think I could take much of that, either!"

I smiled and lowered my head to give her a kiss on the tip of her cute little button of a nose before answering "I'm glad I was able to give you what you wanted."

She just looked at me for a few seconds before telling me "If I'd known you were going to do that to me, I'm not so sure I would have asked for it."

Seeing the concern on my face – I was worried that I'd done something she didn't like – she quickly told me "No, don't be sorry or anything. I'm not mad or hurt; I guess I'm still in shock that anything could feel like that! What you did, it made me have a climax like I've never had before – and it's just a little scary to know that I can feel that good, is all." She looked into my eyes and assured me "What you did was fine – way better than just fine, even. In fact, I love you even more now, just knowing that you would be willing to make me feel that good, even though we can't do more. When I said I wasn't sure I would have asked for you to do that, I meant that I wasn't sure I'd have the courage to ask for it, not that I was sorry that it did happen, okay?"

I could tell that she was sincere, and accepted her explanation before offering her the rest of her soda and a few more crackers. She eagerly accepted them, and daintily ate the crackers and washing them down with the rest of the soda. When she was done, she let me take the can and set it aside before taking her in my arms again. She settled against my chest and told me "What you were doing – you know, with your mouth – wasn't any different than what the others did" – she seemed embarrassed at telling me that she'd been on the receiving end of a girl's attention, and I quietly told her "Its okay, dear" – before she went on "but knowing that it was you doing it, that made it different, somehow. More exciting; like I knew that you were doing it because you love me."

I kissed the top of her head and answered "I do love you, Claire. That's why I wanted to do my best for you."

"I know that. I mean, knowing that you love me is what made it so special. Being with Jan and Kelly and the others, that's one thing. We're all girls, so we already pretty much know what another girl likes. But when I'm with you, its different. I know that you love me for what's on the inside, in my heart. You're not like some of the guys at school; I heard one of them say that he wanted to 'jump the cute little Chink piece', and I knew he was talking about me – and it made me so mad and ashamed, at the same time. But you – you really don't care what I look like; you just love me, and all that matters to you is that I love you back. You're so much more… I don't know, patient and understanding I guess, than any other guy I know. I mean, here I am, sitting on your lap with both of us stark naked, and all you're doing is holding me, because you know that that's all I want and need right now. Any other guy I know, he'd be groping me and everything. You aren't, and that's what makes having you love me so special – because you love me enough not to do that kind of stuff."

"Before you start thinking I'm some kind of superhero" – "You are – Orgasm Man!" she interrupted with a giggle – "you need to know that I wasn't always like this, either. When I was your age, I wasn't much different than the boys you know at school. I'm sure I must have said some of the kinds of hurtful things that you've heard; and I know that I did pretty much all of the bad things that girls don't like. But I really grew up when I joined the Navy and started doing an important job, and had to do it right, every time. Then I got to visit other countries, too, and I tried to learn about them – the people, the culture, and all of that. It was when I started really thinking about that kind of stuff that I actually started learning what all of us have been trying to teach you and the others."

I went on to say "What I'm telling you is that being the way I am – and you are, now – is something that people have to learn. Not everyone wants to; in fact a lot of people seem to spend their time trying to not learn. There are a few that want to learn, but aren't sure what it is they're after. Even fewer manage to figure out what they want, and start moving toward it. Finally, there are the very, very few that actually find what they're after. I like to think that I'm one of them – that I'm somebody that has figured out how to be happy virtually all the time. For other people, how they do it is different, but they get the results they're after."

"What kind of people are they?"

"Mostly, they're people that have devoted themselves to a particular religion or philosophy. You know, those monks they show in the Swiss Alps, or Zen masters, or some of the Buddhist monks and priests. The thing is, it looked to me like most of them have found their peace by withdrawing from the world for the most part. What I was trying to do was find a way of being happy and staying 'out here' with regular people. With a lot of thinking and studying and a little luck, I found something that worked for me. Then, when I met Jan and Kelly and the others, I got the chance to try and pass along what I'd discovered. Now they're doing what I do: watching for people that want to learn, but aren't sure where to start or what it is they're looking for. Then we try to show those people what we've learned, and let them decide for themselves if its something they think will work for them. We're not some kind of cult – we don't try to 'brainwash' people by chanting mantras at them until they give in; we don't try to convince somebody by lying to them or making them believe the things we say; and we never, ever try to force someone to think the way we do. We just tell them how we think and believe, and then let them see how happy we are – and then decide if what we do and how we live is what they want to be like, and live."

She looked up at me to say "That was something that all of us noticed – me, Sheri and Crissy, Evelyn, and even Bonita: that you never pushed us to be or do any particular thing. You just told us what you thought, and said we should check, and decide for ourselves. It was really weird, at first." Then she grinned and said "After about the second or third time we came over here, I heard my Dad talking to my Mom. He said that he'd checked you out – not with any kind of investigator, or anything, just talking to people – and told her that he'd read about you in the papers, and talked to some people. He said that he didn't think he could be the kind of man you are: that everybody he talked to said that you were absolutely honest and and fair and ethical and all that; and that there wasn't anybody that didn't respect your character. He also told her that everyone had also told him how smart you are, too – and he said that anyone that could make as good a living as you obviously do couldn't be stupid, and that there was too much evidence that you weren't crooked. He told her that if there was anybody he was going to trust around me, it was you – that he thought if all the devils of hell came for me, you would stand between me and them, and dare them to try and take me. And if they tried it, they would know they'd been in a fight! He said that he talked to Jan's dad, and found out that you had fought to protect Susan when an old boyfriend wanted to take her and she didn't want to go – and after you'd beaten them, you'd gone over to comfort her. He told her you had the best of the spirit of a dragon and a tiger, in a human body – and that's a big compliment in Chinese culture; especially from my Dad. That was when I decided that I really needed to start listening to what you were telling us."